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NEWSLETTER: "WHAT DO TITANIC AND SIXTH SENSE HAVE IN COMMON? ICY DEAD PEOPLE"

 
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This Week:
* TRAINS - Simulated, at last
* FLASH - Dead, dead dead :(
* KUNT - Now a top-ten artist

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "We're replacing the web
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   with a small sausage
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|      called Terry"

B3ta electric e-mail 757 - 08 Jan 2021

Read this issue after inhaling helium:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue757

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING
  Other than farting the national anthem

  >> Music headline quiz <<
  Monkeon writes "I have a new quiz / nostalgia
  generator. Rare for me in that it works using
  actual live data, rather than having to spend
  ages hand picking the questions. Via it, I
  discovered that on the day Diana died, the
  People's first edition had giant picture of
  Noel Gallagher's arse as their main photo
  story, with 'Di hurt and Dodi dead in smash'
  as a small secondary item. I will never forget
  where I was the day Noel mooned a pap."
https://monkeon.co.uk/guessthepress/

  >> Goodbye to Flash <<
  So Flash has finally died and no longer plays
  in the browser. Watch Jonti "Badger Badger
  Badger" Picking sing goodbye. BTW: Flash died
  for us in 2010, as that was about the last
  time anyone paid us to make anything with it
  and then grumbled that it didn't work on
  iPhones. Steve Jobs, you fucked it lad!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBPH6O68UY4

  BTW: If you're really missing Flash then the
  Internet Archive is your friend:
https://archive.org/details/softwarelibrary_flash

  >> Kunt is now a top 10 artist <<
  We were proud to help* Kunt reach no 5 in the
  charts with his festive ditty "Boris Johnson
  is a f**king c**t" - a statement you can get
  behind wherever you fall in the Brexit debate
  that's fucked our country for the last 5
  years. (Hey we bunged out tweets, Facebook
  posts and stuck it on the B3ta front page - we
  helped a little bit.)
http://borisjohnson.info/

  >> To all those who died in 2020 << 
  Dr Dunno AKA Chris Barker has done his
  traditional murdering of the celebs and
  dropping their faces into the 5th best Beatles
  LP. Hopefully 2021 will be a bumper year no
  more deaths - fingers crossed. Oh shit, we
  spoke too soon.
https://twitter.com/hashtag/sgtpepper2020?src=hashtag_click

  >> Waterloo & City Line train simulator <<
  Ed Jefferson has made a nerdy train sim. We
  enjoyed making people wait for trains. Small
  bits of shitbaggery are always fun.
https://edjefferson.com/waterlooandcity/

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This newsletter likes to pretend that Marylebone
station is named after Simon Le Bon's sister. No
one is amused by this but we persist.

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: FESSHOLE
  Your confessions, fessed up for cheap shares
  
  Every day we listen to your confessions about
  your tawdry lives and tweet out the ones that
  make us giggle or gawp.

  * WORK - "To fill a gap in my CV I've said
  that I was a guitarist for The Fall for a
  brief period. No-one has disputed this or even
  asked questions about it."

  * HAIR - "Just had a verbal warning for saying
  a lads haircut makes him look like Princess
  Diana. It's shit being a teacher."

  * LIFE - "Marriage teaches you a lot. Before I
  got married, I didn't know you could put milk
  in the fridge the wrong way."

  Now over 101,000 people follow Fesshole which
  means it's officially bigger than Jesus. Link
  goes to the best of November so share that if
  you can be arsed.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/1340394640294498307

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9 million people die of starvation every year
and Harry Potter does nothing. The absolute
cunt.

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: SITES IN BEEF
  The delicious OXO taste of others' content
  
  * LEGO BRICKHEADS - Currently addicted to the
  Brick Experiment Channel which is stuffed with
  unlikely Lego whimsy like building a Lego
  press with 70KG of force, and this one about
  building a car to climb obstacles. Honestly we
  struggled to stop ourselves going straight on
  eBay about buying a load of old Technic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwHHErfX9hI

  * SILENCE OF THE JAMS - Some of The KLF's back
  catalogue has appeared on YouTube and Spotify
  for streaming and honestly it feels good to
  say "Alexa, play The KLF"
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbsEHtpoQxyWVibIPerXhug

  * FUCKED UP AI HOMERS - The 'This X Does Not
  Exist' format has now reached the piss take
  stage.
https://thisfuckeduphomerdoesnotexist.com

  * CLASSIC ART FILMS REMADE IN THE STYLE OF
  ATARI COMBAT - we suspect the audience is
  pretty limited, but we liked that they're film
  geek choices rather than anything obvious.
https://pippinbarr.github.io/combat-at-the-movies/

  * BREAD PLASTIC CLIP DATABASE - detailed
  classification of plastic clips used to close
  bread bags. At fucking last.
http://horg.com/horg/

  * INTERNET ART EXPERIMENT, REMEMBERED -
  Reddit's collaborative drawing experiment, The
  Place, happened nearly 4 years ago. This map
  explains all the different elements of it and
  their meaning - fascinating, not least because
  you rarely get internet culture archived and
  annotated like this.
https://draemm.li/various/place-atlas/

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PROJECT IDEA. A hypothesis for someone who likes
data analysis to test: is there a correlation
between sticking stuff about football in your
profile and posting "didn't happen" to tweets?

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: BUY SOME BRITISH MADE JEANS
  Yes you, you scruffy oik

  Hebtro are ok in our book as they support our
  projects like Fesshole and B3ta - do make sure
  you buy their products. Thanks.
https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/

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People who use Blu Tack to stick pictures on
walls - hanging is too good for them

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Winter Albums

  Last week we were asking you to fuck around
  with LPs again and make them wintery. They're
  all snow good.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/winteralbums/popular/

  This week we're doing reverse Archaeology.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/b3tenet/popular/

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Remember 8 pm Thursday: clap if you're a massive
Tory who thinks the Government is doing a great
job.

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: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round.

  GENUINE TOP TIP: if you've got an old chair
  that you want taken away, place it outside
  your house with a sign saying "£30 - ring the
  doorbell". Guaranteed it's more likely to be
  nicked than offering it up for free.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
  Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
  Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
  Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. Please
  join the patreon so we can afford to buy
  sausages. And a special thanks to the Hebtro
  gang. Buy their scarves. Eat rats. Stay safe.
http://patreon.com/b3ta


 
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