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NEWSLETTER: "I HOPE THIS EMAIL FINDS YOU DOWN A WELL"

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This Week:
* QUIZ - How much of a flag nonce are you?
* ANIMALS - Are they bastards? 
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Extends a name

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |    "We're shitting up
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   the collective internet
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    toilet... together"

B3ta electrical-e-mail 758 - 9th Feb 2021

Read this issue with trousers around your wankles:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue758

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: WOT B3TA PEOPLE ARE MAKING THIS MONTH
  Other than tossing off Tory MPs for Buttcoin

  * HOW PATRIOTIC ARE YOU? - Ed Jeffs is asking
  you to draw a Union Jack to prove your
  commitment to flag noncery. Any score less
  than 6 and Priti Patel will deport you. 
https://edjefferson.com/howpatrioticareyou/

  * MATT ROUND LIBERATES 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' - the
  song Happy Birthday has recently fallen out of
  copyright so Matt has commissioned various
  versions for you to freely use in your work.
  What a mensch. 
https://vole.wtf/happy-birthday/

  * SHARDCORE COLLIDES MEMES - you probably
  didn't want to hear Bernie Sanders do sea
  shanties but here we go.
https://b3ta.com/links/when_memes_collide

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The Moon. Short for Theodore Moon.

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: FESSHOLE
  Your confessions, fessed up for worthless likes
  
  Every day we read your confessions about your
  tawdry lives and tweet out the ones that make
  us giggle or gasp.

  * CRYING - "I do a scarily realistic
  impression of a crying baby. Do it at random
  times in the house. Neighbours ask how the
  baby is, didn't know we were expecting/having
  etc. I pull a concerned face and explain to
  them there is no baby, but the people living
  here before us had one that died."

  * ALEXA - "My brother lives in same street as
  me. He was showing off how hi tech his Xmas
  lights are by being wired to his Alexa. When
  he goes out, I shout through his letter box to
  turn them on or off. He has sent 2 plugs back
  so far."

  * DRUGS - "I train & handle drug sniffer dogs
  for the Navy. Once spent several days turning
  over a battleship from top to bottom after the
  dog kept giving clear sign. Truth is I'd
  realised a couple of hours in I'd brought the
  explosives dog by mistake but it'd gone too
  far by then."

  Don't follow this bullshit. Please. Just stop.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/

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You know what that OK feeling is? It's not
having to know exactly how mad or angry Trump is
at every minute of the day.

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: BUY SOME BRITISH MADE JEANS
  Yes you, you scruffy oik

  Hebtro are ok in our book as they support our
  projects like Fesshole and B3ta - do make sure
  you buy their products. Thanks.
https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/

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Bananarama, Phil Collins, Tony Hadley and Status
Quo singing "Nobody Does It Better" for charity.
Call it Bond Aid.

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: NOT MADE BY B3TANS
  But ok anyway
  
  * ANIMAL BASTARDS - do you think these animals
  are bastards or not? What if you know the
  facts? Yep, they're all bastards. Even the
  fluffy ones.
https://animalbastards.com/

  * DATA TRACKING CLOTHING - man tracks every
  bit of clothing he buys for three years to
  work out what's the best value in terms of
  wears vs price. The too long didn't read is
  that you get what you pay for.
https://reaktor.com/blog/why-ive-tracked-every-single-piece-of-clothing-ive-worn-for-three-years/

  * CRAP ZX GAMES COMPO - The Sinclair Crap
  Games Competition is always a January
  highlight (apart from last year when it not
  appearing was possibly the worst thing to
  happen in 2020).  We hope 80-year-old Sir
  Clive is aware that people are still making
  fan games about him driving his C5.
https://connosoft.com/csscgc2020/entries.html

  * CHESS PLATFORM GAME - This is a lovely
  concept - a mash-up of chess and a platformer.
   We got stuck on level 7 and gave up. Much
  like life.
https://rob1221.itch.io/chessformer

  * JUST SCREAM BABY - you know how there's
  nothing to do but scream into the void -  well
  this site allowed thousands of people to do
  that and recorded it all.
https://justscream.baby/listen/new/

  * 3D PRINTED RETRO TERMINALS - modern
  computers are so boring looking, we ache for
  the future as imagined in films like Alien. 
https://uri.cat/projects/modern-retro-terminal/

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: ANONYMOUS OPINIONS
  Bad opinions, posted

  Just checked into our @Anon_Opin account to
  work out which opinions got the *most*
  replies. Here goes:

  1. ANNOYING MUSIC FANS - "No band has ever
  produced any album better than their first
  two."
https://twitter.com/anon_opin/status/1355137381494624257

  2. IRRITATING COMEDY FANS - "Alan Partridge
  superfans are insufferable parrots who drain
  the humour out of every situation with their
  repetitive mimicry."
https://twitter.com/anon_opin/status/1354155910369865728

  3. WINDING UP GIF FANS - "If a person replies
  to a tweet with a gif I assume they're a
  fatuous cunt. No point trying to convince me
  otherwise. They're just dimmed bulbs."
https://twitter.com/anon_opin/status/1276889291071934464

  Obviously don't follow this shite either, we
  only do it to make the world worse.
https://twitter.com/anon_opin

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When The Cure sang "in a high building there is
so much to do" we always understood it as a
reference to suicide but it's just occurred to
us that Robert Smith might have just enjoyed
riding the lifts up and down.

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Extend a name

  Take the name of a famous person or a place or
  a thing and extend the end into something
  else. Like Damon Albarnowl, Leonardo
  DiCapriodejaneiro or Henry Cavillage. 70 plus
  images so far - do join in you cunts.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/extendaname/popular/

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round.

  BONUS TEXT: Biscoff spread. Presumably
  invented when some bored person in a
  Travelodge chewed up a load of complimentary
  biscuits in their mouth, made a pulp and
  thought "I could spread this on toast".

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
  Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
  Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
  Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. Please
  join the patreon so we can afford to buy
  sausages. And a special thanks to the Hebtro
  gang. Buy their scarves. Eat sausages. Choose
  .gifs.
http://patreon.com/b3ta

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