NEWSLETTER: "INVENTOR OF CASSETTE TAPES DIED THIS WEEK. GOOD THAT HE GOT TO SEE 90"
This Week:
* WEBSITE - Donate every time an awful twat tweets
* MUSHY-AID - Help out an old B3tan
* APOLOGIES - To Hebtro for missing the ad last week
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're snipping our
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | dicks off for internet
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| content ... together"
B3ta electro-e-email-fax 762 - 12 Mar 2021
Read this if you like, see if we care:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue762
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE MADE THIS WEEK
Fresh content snot from the internet nose
* TWEETS = DONATIONS - Dave writes, "We
thought you might like this stupid thing we
made: Can we fix the internet? No! Should we
try? Sort of! You set it to donate to charity
when a particular person tweets. Maybe we can
get something positive out of this whole
cesspit. You could donate to food banks when
Jacob Rees-Mogg tweets, or maybe you could
donate to environmental charities when Exxon
Mobile tweet. Other people will be able to
think of way better ones than us." This is a
great idea, we're too mean to give any money
to charity to try it, but it's a fab idea.
https://makeitdonate.com/unbittertwitter/
* 'GET LUCKY' AS PERFORMED BY THE ROBOTS FROM
'THE BLACK HOLE' - Daft Punk's second most
famous tune now performed by space robots.
Just in time for last week's image challenge
too.
https://b3ta.com/links/Lucky_S_T_A_R
* MUSHY AID - Really shit news about Mushybees
- the C word but not the fun one. Stage 4.
We're raising a bit of cash so she can spend
it how the fuck she likes because she deserves
it.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-katie-aka-mushybee...
* ROB PHONES UP FESSHOLE PEOPLE - your B3ta
editor decided to phone up the people
confessing on Fesshole, and it turns out
they're quite nice? Settle in for a long
listen, phonecall two goes somewhere a bit
surprising and the woman at the end was a
lovely chat.
https://fesshole.substack.com/p/i-was-so-bored-tha...
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions turned into useless likes
* MEAN BUT FUNNY - "I post fake sightings of
rare birds on twitcher forums to make the sad
fuckers drive across the country for no
reason."
* SHORT RUSSIAN NOVEL - "About 20 years ago I
once told my in-laws I was off upstairs to
watch a James Bond film when really I just
wanted to get away from them. And so followed
two decades of shit 007-related presents every
fucking birthday and Christmas. My own fault."
* MUMFORD AND SONS' NEW ALBUM - "Me and my
brothers used to drop our pants and fart into
the microphone of an old style cassette
recorder. We used to be in hysterics listening
back to the 60 minutes of bottom melodies. We
stopped doing it after my youngest brother
squeezed too hard and shat on the tape
player."
Link this week goes to a confession that did
over 40,000 likes and added about 4,000
followers. Never mind the story, marvel at the
numbers. Ok, the story is great too.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/13684928794134...
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Yes, buy those sweary scarves
Did you know that Facebook and Google have
eaten most of the advertising industry? Well
Hebtro are single-handedly keeping independent
productions alive by sponsoring b3ta, Richard
Herring and Fesshole. So buy their stuff, it
means that there's more internet out there
than simply another Facebook page. Yay. Also
we forgot to include them last week so please
buy everything twice.
https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/
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: SITES IN BEEF
A few things, mostly for nerds
* GIF OF LIFE - Someone has learnt how to
encrypt pictures in Conway's Game of Life. The
explanation gets way too complex for us to
understand, but there's plenty of pictures to
appreciate the results and it's much more fun
and geeky than crypto art bollocks.
https://avinayak.github.io/algorithms/programming/...
* HANGMAN FOR COLOURS - There is a project to
collect good quality names for every hex
colour, and this site has turned that database
into a game of hangman. Albeit a game of
hangman without a man, or a gallows. Still, a
nice way of randomly browsing the database.
https://agustinramirodiaz.github.io/Guess-Color-Na...
* NOKIA TUNE SIMULATOR - Avoid thinking about
the future by composing your own Nokia
ringtone and pretending it is 1999.
https://zserge.com/nokia-composer/
* POPCORN MUSIC - what if music was made with
popcorn popping in a pan? Wouldn't that be
nice?
https://twitter.com/simongeist/status/136607291330...
* JAMES BOND - Advocoates writes, "Now then.
Hope all is well with you. I just came across
this and it couldn't be any more suited to a
b3ta newsletter. It's an Australian bloke that
has painstakingly recreated some graphics
displayed on an Apple II in the Roger Moore
classic A View To A Kill. It's written in
AppleSoft Basic and the best bit is he's done
a video explaining how he did it all."
https://youtu.be/YGVfwEEjRfs
* BUILD YOUR OWN 3D CSS AND HTML MODELS - we
told you that sites in brief this week is
geeky. We'll try and do a funny one next week
ok?
https://codepen.io/jcoulterdesign/full/vYyzZdo
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: DEAR B3TA
Readers' Letters
* FAO MATT ROUND - "Dear B3ta, although an
avid follower of Matt Round's ButtyStock, we
are continually disappointed by the lack of
flavour descriptions of the said crisps in
sandwiches on the site. It really undermines
the experience. Please can you ask Matt to add
the flavour of crisps to each image. Keep up
the great work, love Goddard Thomas xxx" Nope,
sorry, email him yourself.
* MAKE YOU FEEL OLD - "Dear B3ta, I've got a
bot idea: Bot idea: put in your date of birth
and it tells you how many people younger than
you are famous enough to have Wikipedia pages,
so you can realise how badly you've wasted
your life. This wouldn't work for people who
already have Wikipedia pages, like Rob. You
bastard. ROSS DOBSON" Yeah this could work,
someone make this one if you're bored.
* Also thanks to Adam who writes, "Thanks for
keeping this great site going for so many
years, it's joy like this we all need right
now." No Adam, you've got it all wrong, we do
this stuff to spread our pain and misery into
the world. You're not meant to like it.
Write us a letter you cunts. Seriously. About
anything. We're bored as fuck.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Robot Pop vs Same Director
Last week we did Robot Pop and Dr Dunno and
Happy Toast amongst others did brilliant work
and you should check it out. Honestly Dr Dunno
is a fucking machine when it comes to this
stuff.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/robotpop/popular/
>> This week: Same Director <<
Pick a film director and mash up their movies.
ET in Schindler's List, Robocop in Showgirls,
A 2001 Clockwork Orange. You get the idea, now
open Corel Draw and make us lol.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/samedirector/popular/
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There should also be a 6pm curfew on men
replying to tweets explaining the joke or trying
to improve it.
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some free ideas for inspiration
* CRYPTO-MARRIAGE - at some level blockchain
hype is a way of doing a digital signed
contract. It could be any contract - including
the greatest contract of them all: love.
* GREAT BRITISH NEWS TROLLING - there would
probably be an amusing trolling operation,
pretending to be GBN, and approaching various
figures across the political spectrum to sound
them out for a presenting gig.
* US BE GONE - Dear computers. We don't need
an alerting saying we've unplugged a USB
without ejecting it first. Maybe just write
those complaints to a text file and send them
all to God to judge us when we die.
You know what to do and it isn't stick shit
through our letterbox thank you Kevin.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round.
FINAL THOUGHT FROM ONE-TIME B3TA NEWSLETTER
CO-WRITER DAVE - "I also like that someone has
hacked the right-wing outrage algorithm and
now they're forced to listen to Mumford and
Sons, love Pepe Le Pew, punish the Dr Seuss
estate by buying every single one of his
books."
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. And
further thanks to newer ones: Ben Oliver,
James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss, Lindsay
Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards, Dave
Wong & Stafford Lawrence. We love you and do
please donate as you get bonus content (Rob
shouting into his audio recorder, yes YOU will
love it.)
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
