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NEWSLETTER: "THANKS TOM HANKS. T.HANKS"

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This Week:
* GAME: The Kilobyte's Gambit
* MOVIE RECOMMENDATIONS: 'Actor Your Age'
* CHALLENGE: Robot Pop music 

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  to make a larger web 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  for our spider army"

B3ta e-e-email 761 - 05 Mar 2021

Read this issue to your poor, suffering, mother:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue761

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: B3TA PEOPLE THIS WEEK
  Fresh content from the content mines

  >> The Kilobyte's Gambit <<
  Matt Round combined an incredibly tiny chess
  engine from miniaturisation genius Toledo
  Nanochess and wonderful pixel art by Pinot W.
  Ichwandardi to create "Can you beat 1024 bytes
  of JavaScript?" And the answer is, you
  probably can't unless you've learnt some solid
  chess strategy. 
https://vole.wtf/kilobytes-gambit/

  >> Actor Your Age <<
  Monkeon has made a movie recommendation engine
  that asks for your age and then gives you an
  age appropriate actor in a film that they
  acted in at your age. He writes, "I am
  grateful to Christopher Lee for helping make
  the upper age it works for nice and high." 
https://monkeon.co.uk/actoryourage/
  
  >> Centuries of Sound - 1933 <<
  Centuriesofsound AKA James has been making
  collages of sound based upon the music from a
  year. He's now in 1933 - give it a long long
  listen. We phoned him earlier to ask what
  years he was looking forward to? The sixties. 
https://centuriesofsound.com/2021/03/01/1933/

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: FESSHOLE
  Your confessions turned into useless likes

  We asked you to stop confessing but you won't
  so here's some that amused us this week.

  * EGGS "Every Friday night for the last 4
  years I've secretly thrown an egg on top of my
  neighbour's roof. He went up to replace a tile
  yesterday and said the mess up there was
  unbelievable. There's no reason for this, I
  think I need help."

  * POT NOODLE - "I've written to Unilever to
  complain that the sachet of soy sauce in a
  king sized pot noodle is the same size as the
  sachet in a regular pot noodle."

  * NEIGHBOURS - "My neighbour hasn't secured
  their smart TV, so every now and then I'll
  cast some spectacularly hardcore porn onto it
  - sometimes I hear a scream from them. No
  regrets, they have a bloody yappy dog."

  Link goes to the best of January - so that's
  worth a click if you have no soul and laugh at
  misfortune.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/1365430006298599426

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: BOT OF THE POPS
  Back online

  Your editor's project to do the 80s pop charts
  in real time fell off the internet because the
  image code broke but he's fixed it, and it's a
  classic week this week. It's the Joe Dolce /
  Ultravox battle for number one that still
  makes grown men weep to this day.
https://twitter.com/botofthepops
 
  Also done a quick FAQ about the bots but the
  too-long-didn't-read is "Python, Tweepy and no
  he won't build your idea unless you pay him
  then fuck it, probably will." 
https://robmanuelfuckyeah.substack.com/p/rob-manuels-bot-faq

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Yes fascists are bad but do you know who also is
bad? The SEO genius that stuck watermarked stock
photos at the top of most Google image searches.
  
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: SITES IN BEEF
  The delicious bone-stock of other people's content

  * HOW TRICKY'S FIRST LP WAS MADE - Enjoyable,
  longish read from the producer of Tricky's
  Maxinquaye - it sounds like a bit of a
  nightmare but you'll have an entertaining 15
  mins.
https://www.marksaunders.com/blog/2021/2/26/blog-010-tricky

  * DID YOU KNOW IT'S STILL MARCH 2020? Today is
  March 370th, 2020. Fact.
http://longmar.ch

  * RECORD SIMULATOR - neat Javascript toy that
  takes a YouTube video and plays it as a
  record. Stick your own bollocks in it.
https://thomaspark.co/projects/needledrop/?teP7t6jzEnc

  * CAT DETECTOR - "Day 357 of the pandemic I
  made the cat detector" writes Tim V. Looks
  good, wonder if it'll detect a cat if you
  point it at a dog with a sticker on its head
  saying "CAT"? Coz that confuses us anyway.
https://twitter.com/Ajediday/status/1317452771763933184

  * MYSPACE IS BACK! Well a sort-of-copy that
  people are using ironically, or nostalgically-
   who knows and it now has over 100K users.
  Maybe some B3tans could bring back Friends
  Reunited? Or a social network where everything
  is Hamster Dance.
https://spacehey.com/

  * DIXIELAND QUEEN - always fun to hear
  something familiar transformed in a silly way.
  Hats off to the fucking lot of you. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-l9yOzPS1I

  * WHAT IF THE ONION WAS NERDIER? - Monkeon
  writes, "I discovered this techie version of
  The Onion the other day, which is mostly
  pumping out relatable content for web devs
  about crap Wordpress plugins and excessive
  javascript libraries. Enjoyably sarcastic,
  though you only really need the headlines. The
  equivalent of Fry and Laurie's Open University
  Blooper sketch for non-devs, I'd imagine."
https://theolognion.com

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Instead of getting rid of the Royal Family,
let’s make everyone Royal.  Universal income for
all by expanding the civil list to everyone.
Arise, Sir Public.

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Robot pop

  Daft Punk have called it quits, so there's a
  huge gap in the pop robot market. Give us some
  replacements in the form of puns, photoshops
  and gifs. It's actually a good one this week,
  Happy Toast and Dr Dunno have really pulled
  out the stops and there's loads of good
  entries. Click the fuck out of it ok?
http://b3ta.com/challenge/robotpop/popular

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Some free ideas for inspiration

  * THIS JESUS DOES NOT EXIST - shove every
  artist illustration you can find of Jesus into
  a GAN for some mildly controversial fun. Do
  other religious figures if you really want to
  make some awful point that will probably
  explode in your face like the dry jizz of
  Piers Morgan.

  * slAIde INTO MY DMS - Can AI get dates by
  sliding into women's DMs? And that we're
  capable of having thoughts like this means
  that some techbro is probably already doing
  it.

  * PODBLASTING - search on Twitter for people
  saying stuff like "I'm available for podcasts"
  and invite them on a series of increasingly
  strange pods that are just you doing different
  stupid voices.

  * MC TUNES READS AUDIOBOOKS - The latest from
  MSCHF is to deep fake audiobooks by Gucci Mane
  ( *Harry Hill Shrug* ).  Nice idea, but shame
  they haven't done a version featuring a 90s
  rapper for the middle-aged clicks. MC Tunes
  reads Lady Chatterley's Lover. Hey, YOU could
  do that.

  * POP TUBE MAP - turn this thread into an
  actual tube map. From Whitney Euston to Sister
  Sledgware Road.
https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/1366467816841445377

  OK, that's five ideas which is too many for a
  rule of three but fuck it.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/ 

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FYI: The writers of Spinal Tap observed that
Eric Clapton was bloke name + train station and
ran that formula again and created Nigel Tufnel.

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: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
  Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
  Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
  Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. Please
  join the patreon so we can afford to buy
  sausages. And a special sexy thanks to the
  Hebtro gang. Buy their stuff. 
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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