NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER YOU ORDERED HAS BEEN DELIVERED TO A NEIGHBOUR"
This Week:
* SICKTIONARY - Yes, horrible thesaurus is back
* CHALLENGE - New Olympic Sports
* FACTS - Everything
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | internet with bad
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| content ... together"
B3ta email 781 - 30 Jul 2021
Read this issue to a bee and see if the bee dies:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue781
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other making trouble outside schools again
* SICKTIONARY IS BACK - ever wanted 78
euphemisms for anal sex? Ever wanted to add
more? Well now you CAN and please do.
https://sicktionary.b3ta.com/
* SPRINGWATCH MASH UP - Utter Bobbins has been
editing Springwatch for lols, as b3tan Hummel
writes, "havent larfed so much in ages."
https://b3ta.com/links/Some_Springwatch_silliness
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Did you know they also do sunglasses?
Now that it's summer and we're all blinded on
a daily basis by the fearsome power of that
nuclear shit in the sky - it's time to protect
your eye holes with some shields that make
things a bit dimmer and more bearable. Wear
them indoors and unleash your inner Bono. And
apologies to Hebtro for having to put up with
our copy. "Let's change it every time" we
said, "catch people's eye" we said.
https://hebtro.co/
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: FESSHOLE
Festering fesses fessed up for festertainment
Each week you shit in a bin and we pick out a
few turds that the bin men refuse to take:
* TOP TIP - "When I'm struggling to edit down
to a word count I hyphenate all the words in a
sentence and then make the font colour of all
the hyphens white. It looks like a sentence
but is only counted as one word. A trick that
has helped me many times."
* RELATABLE - "As a young lad I learned all
the words to REMs It's The End Of The World As
We Know It, I'd stand in the middle of indie
disco dance floors 'impressing' girls by
reciting them furiously while dancing like
Michael Stipe. What a prick I must have
looked. I never pulled either."
* RELATIONSHIPS - "Missus has been shitty with
me all morning, it's her birthday and I
thought she was upset because it's her first
one without her mum, who passed away last
year. Nope, turns out she's pissed off that I
didn't sort out a birthday card and present
from the cat."
Join the 161,000 people who should know better
- link goes to the best of June 2021 so it's a
good list to check for favs so you know who to
block.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/14192934046772...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Content made by people we're not talking to
* THE GAME PROTOTYPE THAT HAD TO BE BANNED BY
ITS OWN STUDIO - interesting video about the
studio that brought you Fruit Ninja and how
they created a game so horrible that it ruined
relationships. With great power comes great
cuntery.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* DEAD KIDS - We enjoyed Scarred For Life's
supercut of all the accidents featured in
British Public Information Films. Shows them
for the video nasties they truly are. Ban this
sick filth!
https://twitter.com/ScarredForLife2/status/1419954...
* HOW PURTY IS YOUR QWERTY? - Learn to type
along to the Wikipedia articles of your
choice. The trick they missed was to call it
Jimmy Wales Teaches Typing, and have Jimmy pop
up to encourage you with his wise tips on
typing, beard maintenance and centrist
politics as you go along.
https://typescholar.netlify.app
* RETRO COMPUTING DRAWING TOOL - reminds us
that we once asked b3tans to build a ZX81
version of this and someone did - sadly
offline now.
http://pixelverse.org/experiments/natsukashii/
* EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT YOUR DISHWASHER IS
WRONG - well that's probably not quite true
but some genuinely interesting stuff on the
prewash stuff. No really, trust us, this is
good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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: FRIDAY GAME
Red Box
A little puzzler in which you play a red box
collecting stars... erm.. struggling to think
of anything to say about a red box, though it
has just reminded us of Julian Clary's
punchline at the comedy awards.
https://jani-nykanen.itch.io/cubic-experiment
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
Follow ups on previous stories
Old B3tan Simon Pegg (not that one) writes -
"relevant to B3tans of old, and also those who
have been aware of the rise of Conspiracy
Theories in everyday life. Those from B3ta may
remember 'Catnipppp', devout Conspiracy Theory
believer, and artist. This video may be of
interest... Catnipppp - better known as David
Dees - died last March. This short documentary
started off with the intention of being
longer, before he died. He shared / made a LOT
of dangerous and damaging stuff, and worked
with David Icke among others. Seeing this,
it's sad to see that he was just as much a
victim of the whole Conspiracy Theory
mentality as anyone else. Can see recent
events spawning many more like Dees in the
coming months/years."
https://vimeo.com/577756310
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Animal Holidays
Here's the best images from last week:
* This one should be nicked to make an advert
- well they should pay S4RK too:
https://b3ta.com/board/11347829
* Cultural stereotype lols from Ozof:
https://b3ta.com/board/11347799
* And a lovely entry from Monkeon:
https://b3ta.com/board/11347884
* See all the other images from the 'Animal
Holidays' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/animalholidays/popular
>> This week: New Olympic Sports <<
There are a few new sports in this year’s
Olympics, but they're not nearly as
entertaining as they could be. Think up some
new ones and show us through the magic of
pictures.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/newolympicsports/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Three, sorry, four ideas to start you off
* ON THIS DIARY - There are probably enough
famous people's diaries out there to make a
little snapshot of the world on the day of
your birth. What did Andy Warhol, Tony Benn
and Michael Palin do on the day you were born?
* QR DECODES - We had a Guerrilla marketing
campaign idea for @fesshole that we're too
lazy to do: make QR codes for some of the
grimmest ones and print them out on 1" square
stickers and walk around London adding them to
other people's ads. Either you do it, or nick
the idea to promote something else.
* RICHARD DAWKINS SKETCH - we do wonder if his
hit books were filled with digressions like
this* that some editor threw out as being
"best not, ok Richard?" (* look up Tweet ID
324443969884925953)
* WHICH AGE OF DOCTOR WHO ARE YOU? - plug in
your age and it tells you, at your age you
would be Tom Baker filming Logopolis.
Obviously this only works if you're aged 27-59
and it struggles with anyone aged 33.
Shit in our mailbox if you must:
https://b3ta.com/mailus
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by Kat E.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
We love you.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
