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NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER YOU ORDERED HAS BEEN DELIVERED TO A NEIGHBOUR"

 
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This Week:
* SICKTIONARY - Yes, horrible thesaurus is back
* CHALLENGE - New Olympic Sports
* FACTS - Everything

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   internet with bad
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  content ... together"

B3ta email 781 - 30 Jul 2021

Read this issue to a bee and see if the bee dies:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue781

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Other making trouble outside schools again  

  * SICKTIONARY IS BACK - ever wanted 78
  euphemisms for anal sex? Ever wanted to add
  more? Well now you CAN and please do.
https://sicktionary.b3ta.com/

  * SPRINGWATCH MASH UP - Utter Bobbins has been
  editing Springwatch for lols, as b3tan Hummel
  writes, "havent larfed so much in ages."
https://b3ta.com/links/Some_Springwatch_silliness

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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
  Did you know they also do sunglasses?

  Now that it's summer and we're all blinded on
  a daily basis by the fearsome power of that
  nuclear shit in the sky - it's time to protect
  your eye holes with some shields that make
  things a bit dimmer and more bearable. Wear
  them indoors and unleash your inner Bono. And
  apologies to Hebtro for having to put up with
  our copy. "Let's change it every time" we
  said, "catch people's eye" we said.
https://hebtro.co/

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: FESSHOLE
  Festering fesses fessed up for festertainment

  Each week you shit in a bin and we pick out a
  few turds that the bin men refuse to take:

  * TOP TIP - "When I'm struggling to edit down
  to a word count I hyphenate all the words in a
  sentence and then make the font colour of all
  the hyphens white. It looks like a sentence
  but is only counted as one word. A trick that
  has helped me many times."

  * RELATABLE - "As a young lad I learned all
  the words to REMs It's The End Of The World As
  We Know It, I'd stand in the middle of indie
  disco dance floors 'impressing' girls by
  reciting them furiously while dancing like
  Michael Stipe. What a prick I must have
  looked. I never pulled either."

  * RELATIONSHIPS - "Missus has been shitty with
  me all morning, it's her birthday and I
  thought she was upset because it's her first
  one without her mum, who passed away last
  year. Nope, turns out she's pissed off that I
  didn't sort out a birthday card and present
  from the cat."

  Join the 161,000 people who should know better
  - link goes to the best of June 2021 so it's a
  good list to check for favs so you know who to
  block.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/14192934046772...

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Content made by people we're not talking to

  * THE GAME PROTOTYPE THAT HAD TO BE BANNED BY
  ITS OWN STUDIO - interesting video about the
  studio that brought you Fruit Ninja and how
  they created a game so horrible that it ruined
  relationships. With great power comes great
  cuntery.
https://www.youtube.com/watch

  * DEAD KIDS - We enjoyed Scarred For Life's
  supercut of all the accidents featured in
  British Public Information Films. Shows them
  for the video nasties they truly are. Ban this
  sick filth!
https://twitter.com/ScarredForLife2/status/1419954...

  * HOW PURTY IS YOUR QWERTY? - Learn to type
  along to the Wikipedia articles of your
  choice. The trick they missed was to call it
  Jimmy Wales Teaches Typing, and have Jimmy pop
  up to encourage you with his wise tips on
  typing, beard maintenance and centrist
  politics as you go along.
https://typescholar.netlify.app

  * RETRO COMPUTING DRAWING TOOL - reminds us
  that we once asked b3tans to build a ZX81
  version of this and someone did - sadly
  offline now.
http://pixelverse.org/experiments/natsukashii/

  * EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT YOUR DISHWASHER IS
  WRONG - well that's probably not quite true
  but some genuinely interesting stuff on the
  prewash stuff. No really, trust us, this is
  good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch

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: FRIDAY GAME
  Red Box

  A little puzzler in which you play a red box
  collecting stars... erm.. struggling to think
  of anything to say about a red box, though it
  has just reminded us of Julian Clary's
  punchline at the comedy awards.
https://jani-nykanen.itch.io/cubic-experiment

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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
  Follow ups on previous stories

  Old B3tan Simon Pegg (not that one) writes -
  "relevant to B3tans of old, and also those who
  have been aware of the rise of Conspiracy
  Theories in everyday life. Those from B3ta may
  remember 'Catnipppp', devout Conspiracy Theory
  believer, and artist. This video may be of
  interest... Catnipppp - better known as David
  Dees - died last March. This short documentary
  started off with the intention of being
  longer, before he died. He shared / made a LOT
  of dangerous and damaging stuff, and worked
  with David Icke among others. Seeing this,
  it's sad to see that he was just as much a
  victim of the whole Conspiracy Theory
  mentality as anyone else. Can see recent
  events spawning many more like Dees in the
  coming months/years."
https://vimeo.com/577756310

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Animal Holidays

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * This one should be nicked to make an advert
  - well they should pay S4RK too:
https://b3ta.com/board/11347829

  * Cultural stereotype lols from Ozof:
https://b3ta.com/board/11347799

  * And a lovely entry from Monkeon:
https://b3ta.com/board/11347884

  * See all the other images from the 'Animal
  Holidays' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/animalholidays/popular

  >> This week: New Olympic Sports <<
  There are a few new sports in this year’s
  Olympics, but they're not nearly as
  entertaining as they could be. Think up some
  new ones and show us through the magic of
  pictures.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/newolympicsports/popular

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Three, sorry, four ideas to start you off 

  * ON THIS DIARY - There are probably enough
  famous people's diaries out there to make a
  little snapshot of the world on the day of
  your birth. What did Andy Warhol, Tony Benn
  and Michael Palin do on the day you were born?

  * QR DECODES - We had a Guerrilla marketing
  campaign idea for @fesshole that we're too
  lazy to do: make QR codes for some of the
  grimmest ones and print them out on 1" square
  stickers and walk around London adding them to
  other people's ads. Either you do it, or nick
  the idea to promote something else.

  * RICHARD DAWKINS SKETCH - we do wonder if his
  hit books were filled with digressions like
  this* that some editor threw out as being
  "best not, ok Richard?" (* look up Tweet ID
  324443969884925953)

  * WHICH AGE OF DOCTOR WHO ARE YOU? - plug in
  your age and it tells you, at your age you
  would be Tom Baker filming Logopolis.
  Obviously this only works if you're aged 27-59
  and it struggles with anyone aged 33.
  
  Shit in our mailbox if you must:
https://b3ta.com/mailus

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image
  challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
  support. Proofing by Kat E.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
  special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
  NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
  Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
  Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
  We love you.

 And do please donate as you get occasional
 "bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta


 
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