NEWSLETTER: "OPEN THIS B3TA NEWSLETTER FOR A NOSTALGIA WANK ABOUT 2002"
This Week:
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - celebrate Prince Andrew
* NICHE MUSEUMS - small ones you can visit (in US)
* RAVING NOSTALGIA - R U on 1 matie?
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web with terrible
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| content... again"
B3ta electro-e-email 784 - 21st Aug 2021
Read this issue to your dead goldfish:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue784
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than making jizz hands for mummy
* CLUB NOSTALGIA - "Hi B3ta.. A year after we
exchanged these messages we've finally
launched our little passion project site.. 30+
years of dance music history and cool stuff
all organised by year." Fuck it, this can go
in, simply because we'd like someone to send
us a 10g of MDMA and strobe light.
https://dancemusicarchive.com
* NICHE MUSEUMS - in the week where @anon_opin
tweeted "Mad wee private museums are better
than any theme park" @simonw replied "I've
been building a website about that" which is a
round about way of submitting to the b3ta
newsletter but we checked with him and bang,
he considers it a submission "This is
genuinely the best hobby I've ever had, aside
from the pandemic mostly stopping it - stuff
is opening up again now though."
https://www.niche-museums.com/100
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Why not buy some jeans, you lovely people?
You know the shitty jeans you've got? The ones
you're wearing now? Wouldn't they feel nicer
if you paid a good price for them so you'd
know all the suppliers and the labour were
paid ethically? And, into the bargain you get
some jeans that last longer than those shit
ones you got from GAP? The answer is yes. Hell
yes.
https://hebtro.co/
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: FESSHOLE
Confessions fessed up for cheap likes
Each week we ask you to shit into a bin and we
give it a stir and offer up the smelliest ones
for social media attention. Here's your turd
swill this week:
* ALEXA - "Sometimes, when Alexa pisses me off
for not listening properly, I make her count
to a hundred then leave the room."
* AWKWARD - "After two years of discussing all
matters Turkish with my barber - holidays,
cuisine, football etc. - I found out he's from
Morocco and has never been to Turkey."
* KEEP IT LIGHT - "My girlfriend is dying in a
hospice. She can't eat her food. I ate it.
Didn't know they'd put laxatives in, to help
her functions. 45 minutes later, on the way
home, I shit myself in the car."
Why not confess yourself over on festering
hole dot twitter - 166,000 people can't be
wrong. Well they can be wrong but you couldn't
convict them for it without clogging up the
courts.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Content made by some other cunts
* 3D RETRO POP - A way of building sound
sculptures out of 3D blocks, like a musical
Domino Rally. Presumably designing by block is
pretty intuitive to people who have grown up
with Minecraft. A nice trick they have is to
showcase a gallery of the best stuff, so you
can see what is possible if you put the effort
in. We enjoyed the A-ha one.
https://ludotune.com
* REMEMBER ALEX COX AND MOVIEDROME? A fan site
with details for every film featured on the
show, which is probably of interest to the
middle-aged geek b3ta demographic.
https://moviedromer.tumblr.com/everyseason
* TALIBANTZ - Matpayne77 writes, "This video
of the Taliban playing on bumper cars to the
sounds of the Banana Splits theme tune made me
chuckle."
https://youtu.be/a8TnV9aQQYY
* PENIS LOLS - Wayneg1 has got in touch to
point out that Amazon is selling a product
called a "dick meat tenderiser". Should be
handy if you want your dickmeat tenderised.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B006QXFGI6/b3ta-21
* MISERABLE STUFF ABOUT THE ORB - If you want
something to suck up too much time, this rant
from an ex-member of The Orb about how he did
everything and wasn't appreciated will destroy
the rest of your day. Our music biz chum says,
"It's refreshing to see someone calling out
the music biz practices, rather than just
keeping their head down." We also should note
that a lot of this stuff is disputed but it's
properly fascinating.
https://web.archive.org/web/20140723181240/https:/...
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: FRIDAY GAME
Wikispots
Monkeon recommends "During lockdown, I'd
search Wikipedia for local places to go and
look at, my favourite find being the old Micro
Power offices. This site does that search for
you, adding geolocation and how far away
things are. Basically it turns Wikipedia into
a very dry version of Pokemon Go."
https://wikispots.me
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: EMAILS FROM THE EMAIL BIN
Your words in our inbox, our replies in your hearts
* PIG FARM NOSTALGIA - Philipjandrew writes,
"I recall many years ago so greatly enjoying a
ditty by someone I seen to recall was called
George who rather heartily sang about longing
to give it all up for a pig farm. The older I
get the more this notion appeals to me. I do
so dearly desire to have this song enter my
ear sockets again but alas I have looked and
cannot find. Maybe I'm simple. Maybe I
imagined the whole thing. Do you have this
song and / or an actual pig farm?" Took a bit
of working out but there you go.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* PEOPLE ARE EMAILING US JOKES NOW? Joyork
writes, "What do you call a feathery farmyard
bird that stares at a plate of lettuce and
anchovies?" We don't know Joyork, what do you
call a feathery farmyard bird that stares at a
plate of lettuce and anchovies? "Chicken sees
a salad" continues Joyork.
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Rich Pets
Here's the best images from last week:
* GERE JOKE - Ballymoran
http://b3ta.com/board/11348858
* QUEEN JOKE - Ninj
https://b3ta.com/board/11348899
* HORSE JOKE - again from Ballymoran
https://b3ta.com/board/11348990
* See all the other images from the 'Rich Pets' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/richpets/popular
>> This week: Prince Andrew <<
All patriotic royalists at B3ta should
celebrate that great asset to the nation,
Prince Andrew, what could go wrong?
http://b3ta.com/challenge/princeandrew/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Three project ideas to inspire you
Ok, as this bit is hard to fill, we'll open
the Guinness Book Of Hit Singles and think up
some projects based on old pop music that you
could make using Flash 5 and then run through
a javascript emulator.
* PAUL MCCARTNEY'S FROG CHORUS - eight frogs
on the screen and your mouse (what we used
before your thumb, young people) is Sir Paul's
foot, that clamps down onto the amphibian's
throat to produce an unpleasant, but in-tune,
squark.
* M PEOPLE'S ONE NIGHT IN HEAVEN - you play
Heather Smalls, and you've got 24 hours in the
spirit realm to get answers from God on why
suffering is allowed on this hellish world.
* JIM MORRISON'S PICK UP ARTIST SIMULATOR -
not sure exactly how this will work but
there's little pixelly 60s chicks and you
press the the spacebar and Jim says "Hello, I
love you, won't you tell me your name?" And if
the girls slap him he says, all indignant
like, "I am the lizard king! I can do
anything!"
You can do better than that, surely?
https://b3ta.com/mailus
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
Blanchard - you sexy people.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: TOP TIP
Neil Kistelek writes, "Put something funny at
the end of your newsletter like a Top Tip and
the punters might scroll down past the list of
nice Patreon donors." Ok, we'll try and
remember to do this next week, so add your tip
here:
https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips/all/
