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NEWSLETTER: "FANS OF BAD SECTORS SHOULD HAVE THEIR HARD DRIVES CHECKED"

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"Fans of bad sectors should have their hard drives checked"
This Week:
* MUSHYBEES - Sponsored run
* FESSHOLE - Best advice on fly-tippers ever
* CHALLENGE - Prince Andrew results

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  collective toilet with
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   shit ... together"

B3ta email 785 - 27 Aug 2021

Read this issue to your disinterested goldfish:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue785

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Other than making fungal growths on their toes
  
  * MUSHYBEES SPONSORED RUN - "Hi B3ta. I hope
  you don't mind me dropping you a line like
  this. On 12 September, my friend Dean and I
  are running the Brighton marathon on behalf of
  Macmillan Cancer Support. Dean is a long time
  friend of Katie Coxall who I know was really
  active on b3ta. In fact, the reason we chose
  to run for that particular charity is because
  Dean saw just how much help Macmillan gave
  Katie as she was battling the cancer. We're
  trying to raise as much as we can obviously.
  Is there any way in which you could share our
  sponsorship link please? Anything you could do
  would be massively appreciated."
https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/Team/DeanandJonsm...

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: FESSHOLE
  Your confessions fessed up for cheap lols

  Each week you shit in a bucket and we gargle
  the contents looking for the chunkiest lumps:

  * TITS - "Persuaded my wife to stand on her
  head while naked. We both decided upside down
  tits were about the most hilarious thing on
  the planet. Weeks later it still makes us
  laugh when we mention it."

  * GREGGS - "On my way to work each morning I
  get 2 bacon rolls from greggs. I get brown
  sauce on one and red on the other so the girl
  serving doesn't think they are both for me."

  * GENIUS - "Someone fly-tipped a bag in a
  local beauty spot containing Amazon packaging
  with their address. I re-packaged selected
  items and popped them in the post box without
  a stamp. They will need to visit the depot to
  collect their rubbish and pay postage. Hi
  Gordon, you've got mail."

  Link goes to the best-of for July which is
  actually a dead good read and a "bumper crop".
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/14300993888739...

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Content made by some other cunts

  * THE WEB IS SHITE - remember the web being
  good? It's utterly fucked now isn't it - as
  this accurate simulation shows. We probably
  need to save the web again, as that was our
  mission - but we're tired. Giving people with
  no understanding of usability access to Google
  Tag Manager has been an interesting experiment
  in web design.
https://how-i-experience-web-today.com/

  * PINBALL VIDEO - The artists who did the
  walking animation challenge a few months back
  have followed it up with this lovely mix of a
  marble run and game of exquisite corpse.
  Stupidly impressive animation skills on
  display, and a rather relaxing watch to boot.
https://youtube.com/watch

  * SQUARE FOOD TWATS - What makes me laugh
  about these chancers is that they clearly
  worked backwards from the phrase "square meal"
  and thought "what if we did this literally?"
  Spent ages dicking with food, did it, & then
  found they couldn't get the domain name and
  ended up with:
https://squareat.com/

  * USE AI TO MAKE PIXEL ART - this allows you
  to type stuff like "Rick Astley" into a box,
  wait 10 minutes, and out pops from quite
  convincing pixel art. If you can get it to
  work - we've linked to the thread as there's
  advice there, but we got it working and
  enjoyed it a lot.
https://twitter.com/tg_bomze/status/14279188317213...

  * VANITY NUMBER PLATES - wonderful documentary
  about a man who owns the N2GEL number plate
  being introduced to his nemesis who owns the
  N1GEL. We noticed it was uploaded by the bloke
  featured, with some comments by him, "no-one
  wanted to buy it after the bad press it got in
  'YR 50 V41N', lol. I've been too embarrassed
  to use it on the road though, and the car's
  been SORNed for the last four years."
https://www.youtube.com/watch

  * PROPERTY WITH UNDERGROUND BUNKER AVAILABLE
  IN ISLINGTON - we want this for the B3ta
  Bunker so badly. Surely we have a few readers
  who made it big with Bitcoin who could buy it
  for us? £800k, no chain.
https://www.zoopla.co.uk/for-sale/details/59557159...

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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
  Buy lovely, hard-wearing clothes

  Hebtroco have rejigged their website so check
  it out if you haven't checked it out before
  and fill your boots with... boots, as they do
  actually sell boots along with the jeans.
https://hebtro.co/

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: FRIDAY GAME(S)
  Two for the price of zero

  * DESTROY THE PLANET - A bleak clicker, in
  which the aim is to use up all the planet's
  resources as fast as possible.  No option to
  randomly send super rich people on space
  flights for no reason, sadly.
https://elektito.itch.io/destroy-the-planet

  * GEOGUESSER MEETS GRAND THEFT AUTO - nice
  idea but we don't know GTA well enough to know
  how fun it is. Maybe we can ask Monkeon to
  remake it so it deposits you in a random room
  in Jet Set Willy?
https://gta-geoguesser.com/

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: LET'S HEAR IT FOR ANON OPIN
  Your shit opinions in bite-sized chunder chunks

  It's the week where anon_opin crawled to over
  40k followers so let's celebrate with
  mentioning what people have been rowing about
  this week:

  * FUCK THE SYSTEM - "HR's job is to protect
  the company, not you. They will crush you in a
  second if you present the slightest threat to
  their reputation or the bottom line."

  * RACISMS "It all went to fucking shit when
  Nick Griffin was gifted a slot on Question
  Time by BBC fuckwits. That's when bar room
  bigots thought, 'We're official now. We've
  made it.'"

  * LAW "Almost every 'special' law - usually
  with the victim's name in - that people
  campaign for is already an offence under
  existing law. You are letting politicians off
  the hook for underfunding the police and legal
  system if you allow a narrative that says we
  need a new law."

  New rows everyday from the machine that's got
  a hot take for everyone: 
https://twitter.com/search

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  What do you call Stevie Wonder?
  Anything you like - he can't hear you!!!

  Queef Richard's is sorry he's written a joke:
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Prince Andrew

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * DISTRACTED BOYFRIEND MEME - from Octo
https://b3ta.com/board/11349259

  * NAUGHTY CHARLES - from Chumps
https://b3ta.com/board/11349202

  * SAVILE ROW - from Ballymoran
https://b3ta.com/board/11349015

  * See all the other images from the 'Prince
  Andrew' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/princeandrew/popular

  >> This week: Sainsburys Archive <<
  Sainsbury's have uploaded thousands of product
  and packaging scans into an excellent design
  archive. Do your worst.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/sainsburys/popular

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
  Follow ups on previous stories

  * B3TA PHOTOSHOP GOES VIRAL - This is turning
  up everywhere, mostly uncredited. If you see
  it - tell people it was made by Ninj on B3ta.
https://b3ta.com/board/11349626

  * HAPPY TOAST IN PRIVATE EYE - he's got a
  cartoon in the best UK Magazine that isn't
  Viz. You'll have to buy it to see it. Remember
  buying things? You know, in shops?

  * READING EMAILS TO US FROM 2015 THAT WE
  MISSED AT THE TIME - this one was probably
  worth including: Riffjedibaby writes, "Hello
  Rob/newsletter crew. Would you kindly consider
  my silly fryup blog for your next newsletter,
  its an *I made this* and featured in popular
  links recently. There's lots more fryup
  nonsense since then, it’s a bit of crap free
  website timewasting fun and keeping me
  relatively sane, but contains stunning
  original food things!"
https://doctorfry.wordpress.com

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Some free ideas to inspire you to make shit

  OK as this section is hard to fill we're going
  to go into the B3ta library and pick a book
  and use it to make up three projects. Ok, it's
  Ian MacDonald's Revolution In The Head so
  they're all going to be Beatles stuff ok?

  * FREE AS A BIRD - right so this one will be a
  game, you hear the tune and it's all dreamy,
  but the game is duck hunt and you've got to
  blast the fuckers from the sky. Do not shoot
  Yoko.

  * DIG A PONY - hmm, another game, where you
  bury horse corpses?

  * NOWHERE MAN - well this would be like spot
  the ball but it's not the ball that's missing
  but the footballer.

  Fuck it, it sounds like content, press send:
https://b3ta.com/mailus

  BTW: Seeing as we've managed to veer into
  Beatles content we might as well big up our
  chum Chris Shaw's Beatles podcast again - this
  week he interviews Youth who made three albums
  as 'The Firemen' with Paul McCartney.
  Honestly, we're not keen on the LP mentioned
  however the chat about them working together
  is very interesting and has a few production
  and songwriting inspiration tips thrown in for
  good measure.
https://iamtheeggpod.com/2021/08/21/electric-argum...

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image
  challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
  support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
  special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
  NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
  Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
  Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
  We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
  Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
  Blanchard - you sexy people.

 And do please donate as you get occasional
 "bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

-------------------------------------------------

: TOP TIP
  Prince Andrew! Top yourself now before it gets
  really messy.
https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips/all/

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