NEWSLETTER: "WHAT DO B3TA AND BORIS JOHNSON HAVE IN COMMON? THEY BOTH SEEMED LIKE A FUNNY IDEA 20 YEARS AGO AND NOW NEITHER OF THEM WILL F*** OFF"
This Week:
* ARTICLE - Can GPT-3 AI write comedy?
* ART PRINTS - Buy Dr Dunno's Beatles art
* FROM THE ARCHIVES - Cursor Love Bunny
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shaving the yak
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | every day since 2001 and
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| yes... together"
B3ta email 805 - 04 Feb 2022
Read this issue in a sarcastic voice:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue805
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making jam that you don't want to eat
* CAN GPT-3 AI WRITE COMEDY? Your editor has
been playing with GPT-3 to see if it can
automatically write comedy that makes him
laugh - spoiler alert: it can. The Famous Five
fanfiction is particularly inappropriate and
amusing.
https://robmanuelfuckyeah.substack.com/p/someone-n...
* BUY DR DUNNO AKA CHRIS BARKER'S 'GET BACK'
ART - the long term B3tan writes, "I did a
drawing of the Beatles doing Get Back on the
rooftop and before I’d even finished it people
were asking if they could buy a print of it.
So I thought I’d do it properly and do signed
numbered prints. Well, they’ve totally sold
out so I’m doing it again. I’ve called that
first version 'John' and this one 'Paul'. See
my tweet for how to order them. If these
continue to prove popular I may have to do a
'George' and a 'Ringo'. But I doubt I’ll get
as far as a 'Kevin the tea boy'..."
https://twitter.com/printthebarker/status/14895833...
* THAT DIY TERRY GILLIAM LOLS GUY IS BACK BACK
BACK - Drivelsieve writes, "I have made these
pictures move against their will. With sound!"
Well done Drivel.
https://b3ta.com/links/I_made_these_pictures_move_...
-------------------------------------------------
: FROM THE B3TA ARCHIVES
Cursor Love Bunny
From the depths of the past we bring you the
game produced by Denise Wilton, Rob Manuel &
Cal Henderson from the very very early days of
b3ta. Now working again through emulation.
https://www2.b3ta.com/bunnygame/
-------------------------------------------------
: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
New T-shirt launching on Tuesday
Hebtroco started with trousers. Now they make
denim jeans, shirts, socks, hats and other
paraphernalia working with makers, mills and
factories right here in Britain.
They've got a new t-shirt out on Tues - the
last batch sold out in 24hrs. Don't miss out.
Phew.
https://hebtro.co/shop/
-------------------------------------------------
: FESSHOLE
Your confessions fessed up for unpleasant lols
Each week you masturbate into a priest's mouth
and he coughs up the meatiest chunks for the
congregations delectation:
* KEYS - "For a year I have been pranking my
best mate. I got hold of about 500 key and
tags I put his name and number on them all. I
drop a few sets on the floor, leave them on
busses, trains or into coat pockets when I'm
looking through clothes at a store. He's
slowly going mad."
* MY APES ARE GONE - "Client paid me £20k too
much before Christmas. I dumped it in crypto
with the hope that I could give it back after
a month and bank the profit. I'm £5k down and
sweating."
* BRAIN HACKS - "Mother-in-law had become
increasingly right-wing, she gets all her news
from a Google news feed so I changed her
settings and blocked all of the right wing
newspaper websites and news about the royals.
She has become much nicer to be around."
Join the 305k people who need their zip drives
defragged by Mrs Marple. 305,000 people FFS.
What are you doing? You need to stop.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
-------------------------------------------------
: B3TAN AUDIO CORNER
Stuff to whack on your Microsoft Zune MP3 player
* GET BACK PODCAST IS DONE - Chris at EggPod
has finished his insane day by day tour
through Get Back and we particularly recommend
your editor's episode, Joel Morris from
Ladybird books, Andy Miller from Backlisted
and Menswear drummer Matt Everitt. Superb work
and do look up Chris's Patreon as he's poured
loads of effort into this and is too
self-effacing to ever ask for anything.
https://iamtheeggpod.com/
* LET'S BOMB AMERICA - Each month Centuries of
Sound tackles another year in audio and he's
now on 1941 and has done a Pearl Harbour
Special. Our listening-to-audio-correspondent
Rico Monkeon tells us that he enjoyed the 40
mins he listened to.
https://centuriesofsound.com/2022/01/31/december-7...
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Content from people who don't follow us on MySpace
* SKETCH HOTLINE - a promo to launch a new BBC
sketch show, no come back, this clip is kinda
funny. But what we really like is the styling
that makes it look like an early 1980s office,
reminds us of the magazines our mum had to
help learn shorthand.
https://twitter.com/lazysusan/status/1488908576273...
* CASIO CA-100 SIMULATOR - a neat reinvention
of an old synth as a browser toy here, that
turns it into a simple sequencer. Fun for all
the retro-twat family.
https://pyramidclub.org.nz/casio/
* BLOCKED BY CRYPTO WANKER NFTS? You can only
get these NFTs if you've been blocked by
crypto's biggest bellends. We're assuming this
is a piss take, though admittedly it is hard
to know who is taking the piss when the whole
culture is so ridiculous. As with all crypto
stuff, you can get all the benefits of being
blocked by Jack Dorsey without a
planet-burning blockchain being involved,
anyway. Just say no.
https://theblockedchain.xyz
* ALL YOUR WORDLES ARE BELONG TO US - Don't
think we've ever seen such a rush on remixing
games as Wordle has created. Here's a site
that collects every one of them. As Carol
Vorderman would tell you, every letters game
needs a numbers game, and we'd recommend the
maths ones as something a bit different. Doubt
any of them will be sold to the New York Times
for a million dollars, but maybe the Beano
will offer 80p.
https://rwmpelstilzchen.gitlab.io/wordles/
* FINALLY, LINUX IN YOUR BROWSER MUM - It's
just nuts that you can emulate Linux in
javascript. Yeah it's not hugely quick but
imagine this in 10 years, every single bit of
code ever written, usable online. Mind
boggling. Our mind is boggled.
https://webvm.io/
-------------------------------------------------
: FRIDAY GAME
Global guessing game
This game was probably named to try and cash
in on Wordle, but there's nothing really in
common except the one question per day format.
A global hot-or-cold game in which you must
guess what country the computer is thinking of
today and feel you are improving your
geography rather than wasting your life.
https://globle-game.com
-------------------------------------------------
: THIS WEEK IN IMAGES
The world as squinted through MS Paint goggles
* FeralFlump is taking a Richard Curtis slant
on the news:
https://b3ta.com/board/11360736
* Penultimate Straw is making a brown lols
chocolate starfish gag
https://b3ta.com/board/11360278
* Q4nobody is drawing a parallel between Bart
Simpson and... well, you can guess.
https://b3ta.com/board/11360677
Our cake challenge is still open, 94 entries
at time of going to press, can we hit 100?
https://b3ta.com/challenge/confectionarytraps/popu...
-------------------------------------------------
: FOLLOW UPS
What happened next on previous stories
* SWEARING ON THE RADIO - Stuart Houghton
writes "I thought you might like to know I got
interviewed about Sweardle on NPR. Only short
but I got to say 'boob' to over 14 million
Americans, which was nice."
https://sweardle.glitch.me/
* DR DUNNO AKA CHRIS BARKER IS 'ART DIRECTOR
OF THE YEAR' - and he can still be bothered to
post his best work on b3ta occasionally.
https://twitter.com/bsmeinfo/status/14882077788544...
* FESSHOLE TICKETS SOLD OUT - we put 200
tickets for sale and every single one of them
went in a week. Our bluff is called and now we
have to put on a show. Link goes to an
interview at Bored Panda which doesn't mention
the show at all, but hey we thought we'd bung
in somewhere.
https://www.boredpanda.com/weird-fascinating-confe...
* WE ASKED FOR A WAY TO BLOCK NFT HEXAGON
WANKERS ON TWITTER - ok none of you actually
did it but a few of you sent this in. Block
those ape fuckers.
https://noft.gg
BTW: If you were featured in the B3ta
newsletter and have a bit of a follow up, do
get in touch via the normal channels. Trained
monkeys are waiting for your call.
-------------------------------------------------
: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
Some ideas to light your brain farts
* HACK THE SYSTEM - write code that prints a
no confidence letter to the 1922 Committee
every day, as signed by a random Tory MP, and
all you have to do is buy a book of stamps and
put it in the postbox.
* VINYL STREAMING - Forget Spotify, we're
still up for a streaming service based on
vinyl where, like Mechanical Turk, it connects
you with someone with a record player, who
pops the record on and shares it with you on a
live video link.
* ANTI NFT GAME - how many apes can you right
click in 60 seconds?
* MAKE A BLOG/SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNT OF THIS
FESSHOLE POST - "Little known fact but it
costs only £1.50 to get a copy of the will of
anyone who's died in the last 25 years from
the gov.uk website. Whenever I'm bored I
search for a dead celebrity's will and have a
poke around their business like a nosey
bastard"
Well that's four ideas to make up for last
week where we short changed you with two, so
send us some email you cunts:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
-------------------------------------------------
: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and PJ. Ooooh
and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank
you to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
-------------------------------------------------
: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
'The Porcupine From Purgatory' apologies for this
"I once appeared in an experimental theatre
production about a high-level, often
just-in-time compiled language."
"Javascript?"
"No, it was entirely improvised."
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
