NEWSLETTER: "SANCTIONS BITE AS TORIES ASK SPOTIFY TO BLOCK RASPUTIN BY BONEY M"
This Week:
* CHALLENGE - Yeah it's time to potatoswap Putin
* FESSHOLE LIVE! Second show announced (tickets)
* INSPIRATION - Old cinema ads
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | by copying it into a big
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| Google doc... together"
B3ta email 809 - 04 Mar 2022
Read this issue out loud to the Speaking Clock:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue809
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Content from the content monkeys
* B3TA SANCTIONS PUTIN, WEEK TWO - we might as
well get the old B3ta war horse pumping out
anti-Putin memes, something to do whilst we wait
for it to either escalate into Europe-wide war
or not. 60 odd entries so far, it's the subject
of the moment, so we imagine there will be more
coming.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/putin2/popular
* BUY TICKETS FOR FESSHOLE LIVE! Our first show
(April) has sold out so we've booked a second
show for May. Tickets £12 on early bird so grab
them quick. Nearest tube: Leicester Sq.
https://www.designmynight.com/london/whats-on/come...
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some lovely clothes to make yourself look
fab
Are you dressed like a fucking clown? Are you
wearing clown shoes, a big wig and a red nose?
Then Hebtro is here to help and they'll fit you
out in fine threads, made in England and made to
last. Thanks Hebbers.
https://hebtro.co/shop/
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: FESSHOLE
Your fesses fessed up for fess likes
Each week you shit into a bin and we fish out
the meatiest chunks to digest again. It's the
circle of life.
* FREEDOM - "I've been utterly besotted by a
taken man for most of my adult life. Knew
nothing would ever happen but still fantasised.
He recently used 'holibobs' in a text and I am
finally, mercifully, 100% cured."
* BOOKS - "When I worked at the local library,
everytime we received a new book by Nadine
Dorries I marked it as damaged and threw it
straight in the bin. Did the same with David
Cameron's autobiography."
* LOVE - "I once read an article about a woman
who said 'yes' to anyone who asked her out on a
date for a year. That week a guy asked me out at
a bar. I didn't fancy him at all but I
remembered the article and said yes. We've been
married for 7 years. I've never told him."
Join the 367k people who should have their
microfiche inspected by Hercule Poirot.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
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: FROM THE B3TA ARCHIVES
The 'I Love You' Kitten
Back in the early days of b3ta this is what
passed for viral entertainment. This literally
did millions of views. What a world.
https://www2.b3ta.com/i-love-you/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Sites for Yahoo! to add to their directory
* OLD CINEMA ADS - Ever since we wrote a bot
that pumped out old Smash Hits we've been
desperate for someone to open an account that
pumps out old cinema ads as inspiration for what
to download. Thank you internet for giving us
this joy.
https://twitter.com/Mag1cH0ur
* PONG WHERE YOU PLAY THE BALL - finally someone
has worked out how to reverse Pong.
https://www.lessmilk.com/almost-pong/
* THIS WEEKS 808/303 SIMULATOR - seeing as
everyone and their dog has made a web simulation
of Roland's finest acid synths, Roland
themselves have got into the act. Just keep
pressing random if you're stuck.
https://roland50.studio/
* WORDLE RIP OFF VOLUME 9 - the best attempt at
being the new Wordle we've seen this week is
this Boggle rip-off, which adds a tile-matching
element which may or may not be enough to get
around the potential copyright issues, even
though the name is a bit of a give-away.
https://voggle.com
* DINOSAUR GAME - If you want to play the
Dinosaur Game but are paranoid about Mr Google
spying on you with Chrome, then this site lets
you play it on any browser. It also gives more
information about the game than you could ever
possibly want, and has added an international
competition element. Russia currently has the
most points, so play this if you want to do
something pointless on the internet in order to
show Vlad what for.
https://dinosaurgame.net
* THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF 90S MUSIC IN ONE VIDEO -
we enjoyed this 90s mashup by The Hood Internet,
which made us all nostalgic for the naughties
when such mashups were still cool.
https://youtube.com/watch
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: BEST IMAGES THIS WEEK
The world as viewed through G-Paint on the CPC
* The living God that is is Monkeon has been
making jokes about the weather:
https://b3ta.com/board/11362203
* Actually he's made another one too.
https://b3ta.com/board/11362204
* And a quick shout out to Ninj's Blackadder
take on ABBA
https://b3ta.com/board/11362266
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: THE RETURN OF GOATSE CORNER
Three fucking weeks now, please stop it
Luke Hall continues the physical pain of this
unwanted feature and writes, "Another
London-based Goatse disaster for you, north of
the river this time. This is one I remember from
the walk between Highbury & Islington and
Camden. Right opposite Pentonville so that might
explain the name _and_ the unfortunate logo."
Can everyone please stop bullying us with this
stuff?
https://t.co/kYYgvaPd67
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: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
Some shit ideas to kick you off
* THREADS, THE TEXT ADVENTURE - surely, what
with nuclear armageddon on everyone's lips, now
is the time to port this BBC drama classic to
the Amstrad CPC 464?
* HOW MANY WORLD CUPS DO I HAVE LEFT?
Frankiemachine writes, "Just before the last
world cup i was at a football match and the
miserable old gits behind me were trying to work
out how many world cups they had left before
they died. If I had the skills I would make a
calculator that took your current age, country
etc, and then divided how many years you have
left by 4. Stupidness aside, it did make me
think it was quite a good way of making you
realise how life is short and we should make the
most of it."
* ONE MORE FUCKING IDEA TO FILL THIS BIT -
listen up dear readers, just sending us stupid
ideas for projects means we don't have to write
this bit, please help.
We read all your emails - send us some.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
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Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
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Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
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Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY!
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
Sandettie Light Vessel Automatic apologies
My dog has no dictionary.
How does it spell terrible?
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
