we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: "IS BOY GEORGE A GRAMMAR NAZI? NAH HE'S A COMMA COMMA COMMA COMMA COMMA COMEDIAN"

next issue »
« previous issue

This Week:
* NICHE MUSEUMS - finally on tweets
* PARK BENCHES - created by shit AI
* TICKETS FOR FESSHOLE2 - now on sale
-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the internet
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  for afters, maybe with a
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  glass of port... together"

B3ta email 814 - 16 Apr 2022

Read this issue to your poor understanding mum:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue814

-------------------------------------------------

: UPSHOT SPONSORSHIP
  "The funniest thing in my inbox"

  If you like sport, you'll love the Upshot - a
  weekly newsletter dishing out gossip,
  controversy and tasteless jokes from the world
  of British sport.

  Sign up for free and get a three minute mood
  enhancer every Friday.
https://upshot.email/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than making sweet love to their palms

  * THIS BENCH DOES NOT EXIST - Terence Eden has
  been asking people to photograph park benches
  for a few years and now has thrown them into an
  AI/Gan thing and tells us, "Humans are weird
  little creatures. Our brains will quite happily
  look at a cloud and see a rabbit. But show them
  an AI generated photo of something that doesn't
  look quite right and they'll get The Fear™. 
  This project is an important exploration of the
  Uncanny Valley. Or, I just had loads of photos
  and a mate with a super computer. You decide."
https://shkspr.mobi/blog/2022/04/this-bench-does-n...

  * 'NICHE MUSEUMS' TWITTER ACCOUNT - Simon
  Willison has featured in this parish before for
  his blog where he writes up niche museums, he's
  now launched a Twitter version for people who
  find blogs just too bloggy and tells us "It
  turns out hunting down and cataloguing weird
  little museums is the most rewarding hobby I've
  ever stumbled across. Once you start looking for
  them they turn up all over the place, and if
  they're small enough the topic doesn't matter in
  the slightest, why matters is that someone cared
  enough to make a museum about them - and there's
  a good chance that person is sat there waiting
  to show you around."
https://twitter.com/nichemuseums

  * AI IMAGES BASED ON PROVERBS - Shardcore has
  been feeding proverbs like "the grass is greener
  on the other side" into an image generation AI
  and tells us "AI is brilliant at everything, and
  we’re all out of a job. Except, it turns out, at
  understanding proverbs. So your Gran is still
  useful for something, then."
https://shardcore.org/shardpress2019/2022/04/07/pr...

-------------------------------------------------

: FESSHOLE
  Your fesses fessed up for cheap lols

  Each week you throw your truths and lies into a
  bin and we fish out a few for useless internet
  likes:

  * WELL PLAYED - "I spent the entire shift of a
  dull student job listening to two female
  colleagues chatting in Greek, punctuated by
  filthy laughs. When I got up to go, I gave them
  a cheery smile and said 'kalinikta' - good
  night. The panic on their faces was priceless.
  It's the only Greek I know."

  * YOU'RE GOING TO COPY THIS - "When people leave
  work and their leaving card is doing the rounds,
  I write hearts and kisses under other peoples
  names, the more inappropriate the better."

  * WE'VE ALL DONE IT - "Police pulled me over and
  asked why I was driving up and down the road
  late at night, I came clean and explained my
  mileage was 80 thousand and 84 miles and I
  needed 1 more mile to make 80085, i.e. BOOBS."

  Join the 468,000 people who thought they were
  following the chaotic club photos account but
  who misclicked, the fat-thumbed twats. 
https://twitter.com/fesshole

-------------------------------------------------

: FESSHOLE LIVE 2 - PIG IN THE CITY
  Wed, 11th May 2022 - Central London, oh yeah 

  You know what? The first show in Soho actually
  went well, there was a lot of laughter in the
  room and no one booted your editor off the stage
  so we're doing it again. We've got a great
  location in Lola's Underground Casino, just off
  Leicester Square and a bank of video screens to
  play with. Do come as we can promise a bit of a
  history our stupid web projects along with a
  delve into the worst of Fesshole, and this is
  your chance to accost the man whose newsletter
  you've been reading for 20 years and ask him
  "why didn't you feature my penis based flash
  animation in 2002?"
https://www.designmynight.com/london/whats-on/come...

-------------------------------------------------

: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
  Buy some lovely clothes from some lovely people

  Hey it's Easter Weekend, you could celebrate it
  with chocolate, but what would be even better
  would be some very fancy jeans, made in the UK
  and made to last. Every single stitch is magic.
https://hebtro.co/shop/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Content to make Albino Black Sheep shit the bed

  * GAMES MADE TO LOOK TINY WITH TILT SHIFT - this
  filter must be automatically installed on our
  phone coz our penis looks much the same. 
https://youtube.com/watch

  * HOBBY GENERATOR - This site generates random
  entries from Wikipedia's hobby list, should you
  be looking for something new to do this weekend.
  Channel 5 should mix this data with Wikipedia's
  list of 90s British celebrities to generate
  their Partridge-esque show ideas. Gongoozling
  with Dani Behr.
https://offtions.com/hobbies/

  * THE MYSTERY OF THE 'RIGHT ANGLE WITH DOWNWARDS
  ZIGZAG ARROW' - Did you know that Unicode
  contains a symbol which nobody knows what it
  means? No one. Unless you do that is.
https://ionathan.ch/2022/04/09/angzarr.html

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
  Get ready for the raw adrenaline of 'weigh off'

  A simple but surprisingly fun guessing game
  about weights.  Which is heaviest: 100,000 bees
  or 2 Geoff Capes? That sort of thing.
https://weighoff.net

-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
  Free ideas to kick you off

  * JIMMY SAVILE GHOSTBUSTERS POKEMON GO - can
  someone make a real-world ghost catching game,
  where you have to trawl through the streets of
  Leeds catching Savile's ghost? Or maybe Dennis
  Nilsen's ghost in the leafy North London streets
  of Cranley Gardens? Surely Britain has enough
  evil dead people to make this possible?

  * TALKING HEADS VS QWOP - Monkeon has thought up
  a great idea for a game that if we had the
  budget to commission stuff, we'd commission
  RIGHT NOW.
https://twitter.com/b3ta/status/151296289149802087...

  * A MRS BROWN BOYS HOT TAKES GENERATOR - is
  there anything left to say? Maybe code can help.

  TELL US ABOUT YOUR SHITS:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
  Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
  H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
  Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
  Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
  Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
  Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
  Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
  Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
  Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
  mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
  OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
  Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
  Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
  pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
  Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
  RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
  sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
  McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
  Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
  Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
  Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
  Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
  Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
  Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
  Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
  Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
  James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
  Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
  Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
  Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
  Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
  Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
  Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
  Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
  Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
  FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
  Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
  Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
  madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
  Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
  Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
  Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
  Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
  help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
  by Kat E. Thanks Kat.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
  love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
  - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
  Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
  Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
  and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
  McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
  Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
  PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
  Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
  the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
  to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
  appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
  Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
  Blarg. YAY!

  And do please donate as you get occasional
  "bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

-------------------------------------------------

: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
  Herniated wishes to apologies for this:

  Why did Greta Thunberg cross the road? To
  complain about my bonfire of old fridges and car
  tyres.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/

next issue »
« previous issue