NEWSLETTER: "IS BOY GEORGE A GRAMMAR NAZI? NAH HE'S A COMMA COMMA COMMA COMMA COMMA COMEDIAN"
This Week:
* NICHE MUSEUMS - finally on tweets
* PARK BENCHES - created by shit AI
* TICKETS FOR FESSHOLE2 - now on sale
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the internet
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | for afters, maybe with a
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| glass of port... together"
B3ta email 814 - 16 Apr 2022
Read this issue to your poor understanding mum:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue814
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: UPSHOT SPONSORSHIP
"The funniest thing in my inbox"
If you like sport, you'll love the Upshot - a
weekly newsletter dishing out gossip,
controversy and tasteless jokes from the world
of British sport.
Sign up for free and get a three minute mood
enhancer every Friday.
https://upshot.email/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making sweet love to their palms
* THIS BENCH DOES NOT EXIST - Terence Eden has
been asking people to photograph park benches
for a few years and now has thrown them into an
AI/Gan thing and tells us, "Humans are weird
little creatures. Our brains will quite happily
look at a cloud and see a rabbit. But show them
an AI generated photo of something that doesn't
look quite right and they'll get The Fear™.
This project is an important exploration of the
Uncanny Valley. Or, I just had loads of photos
and a mate with a super computer. You decide."
https://shkspr.mobi/blog/2022/04/this-bench-does-n...
* 'NICHE MUSEUMS' TWITTER ACCOUNT - Simon
Willison has featured in this parish before for
his blog where he writes up niche museums, he's
now launched a Twitter version for people who
find blogs just too bloggy and tells us "It
turns out hunting down and cataloguing weird
little museums is the most rewarding hobby I've
ever stumbled across. Once you start looking for
them they turn up all over the place, and if
they're small enough the topic doesn't matter in
the slightest, why matters is that someone cared
enough to make a museum about them - and there's
a good chance that person is sat there waiting
to show you around."
https://twitter.com/nichemuseums
* AI IMAGES BASED ON PROVERBS - Shardcore has
been feeding proverbs like "the grass is greener
on the other side" into an image generation AI
and tells us "AI is brilliant at everything, and
we’re all out of a job. Except, it turns out, at
understanding proverbs. So your Gran is still
useful for something, then."
https://shardcore.org/shardpress2019/2022/04/07/pr...
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: FESSHOLE
Your fesses fessed up for cheap lols
Each week you throw your truths and lies into a
bin and we fish out a few for useless internet
likes:
* WELL PLAYED - "I spent the entire shift of a
dull student job listening to two female
colleagues chatting in Greek, punctuated by
filthy laughs. When I got up to go, I gave them
a cheery smile and said 'kalinikta' - good
night. The panic on their faces was priceless.
It's the only Greek I know."
* YOU'RE GOING TO COPY THIS - "When people leave
work and their leaving card is doing the rounds,
I write hearts and kisses under other peoples
names, the more inappropriate the better."
* WE'VE ALL DONE IT - "Police pulled me over and
asked why I was driving up and down the road
late at night, I came clean and explained my
mileage was 80 thousand and 84 miles and I
needed 1 more mile to make 80085, i.e. BOOBS."
Join the 468,000 people who thought they were
following the chaotic club photos account but
who misclicked, the fat-thumbed twats.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
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: FESSHOLE LIVE 2 - PIG IN THE CITY
Wed, 11th May 2022 - Central London, oh yeah
You know what? The first show in Soho actually
went well, there was a lot of laughter in the
room and no one booted your editor off the stage
so we're doing it again. We've got a great
location in Lola's Underground Casino, just off
Leicester Square and a bank of video screens to
play with. Do come as we can promise a bit of a
history our stupid web projects along with a
delve into the worst of Fesshole, and this is
your chance to accost the man whose newsletter
you've been reading for 20 years and ask him
"why didn't you feature my penis based flash
animation in 2002?"
https://www.designmynight.com/london/whats-on/come...
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some lovely clothes from some lovely people
Hey it's Easter Weekend, you could celebrate it
with chocolate, but what would be even better
would be some very fancy jeans, made in the UK
and made to last. Every single stitch is magic.
https://hebtro.co/shop/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Content to make Albino Black Sheep shit the bed
* GAMES MADE TO LOOK TINY WITH TILT SHIFT - this
filter must be automatically installed on our
phone coz our penis looks much the same.
https://youtube.com/watch
* HOBBY GENERATOR - This site generates random
entries from Wikipedia's hobby list, should you
be looking for something new to do this weekend.
Channel 5 should mix this data with Wikipedia's
list of 90s British celebrities to generate
their Partridge-esque show ideas. Gongoozling
with Dani Behr.
https://offtions.com/hobbies/
* THE MYSTERY OF THE 'RIGHT ANGLE WITH DOWNWARDS
ZIGZAG ARROW' - Did you know that Unicode
contains a symbol which nobody knows what it
means? No one. Unless you do that is.
https://ionathan.ch/2022/04/09/angzarr.html
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: FRIDAY GAME
Get ready for the raw adrenaline of 'weigh off'
A simple but surprisingly fun guessing game
about weights. Which is heaviest: 100,000 bees
or 2 Geoff Capes? That sort of thing.
https://weighoff.net
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: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
Free ideas to kick you off
* JIMMY SAVILE GHOSTBUSTERS POKEMON GO - can
someone make a real-world ghost catching game,
where you have to trawl through the streets of
Leeds catching Savile's ghost? Or maybe Dennis
Nilsen's ghost in the leafy North London streets
of Cranley Gardens? Surely Britain has enough
evil dead people to make this possible?
* TALKING HEADS VS QWOP - Monkeon has thought up
a great idea for a game that if we had the
budget to commission stuff, we'd commission
RIGHT NOW.
https://twitter.com/b3ta/status/151296289149802087...
* A MRS BROWN BOYS HOT TAKES GENERATOR - is
there anything left to say? Maybe code can help.
TELL US ABOUT YOUR SHITS:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY!
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
Herniated wishes to apologies for this:
Why did Greta Thunberg cross the road? To
complain about my bonfire of old fridges and car
tyres.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
