NEWSLETTER: "ELON MUSK BUYS B3TA FOR TWENTY BENSON & HEDGES AND SOME TOFFOS"
This Week:
* TOY - Dom Joly replaced with Javascript
* ANNOUNCEMENT - Kunt in Jubilee chart attack
* CHALLENGE - Oh sod it, might as well do Musk
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web as usual
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta email 816 - 29 Apr 2022
Read this issue with your Currah Microspeech:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue816
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making fart sounds under their armpits
* DOM JOLY REPLACED WITH 18 LINES OF JAVASCRIPT
- Monkeon writes, "I've made a new Giphy toy. I
thought I'd give some prank gifs a bit of
gravitas in an attempt to build a Trigger Happy
TV generator, although Giphy users are terrible
at accurate tagging."
https://monkeon.co.uk/triggerhappygenerator/
* PRINCE ANDREW IS A SWEATY N**** - in news
that'll probably end any chance of any of us
ever being allowed near anything mainstream
again, B3ta would like to inform you of Kunt's
plan to get a hit record at the time of Queen's
birthday with this problematic title. Set a
reminder for Friday May 27th to buy the single
and there WILL be remixes from various B3ta
related people.
https://princeandrew.info/
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: FESSHOLE - WORK EDITION
Your work confessions fessed up for work lols
Each week you share your bollocks and we cyber
print the odd bit that makes us laugh:
* CLEVER - "I once had a manager who would steal
all of my creative ideas so before a big meeting
with the directors, I mentioned an idea
completely against safeguarding and rules of the
charity, she pitched it, the CEO went ballistic
and she got a disciplinary."
* ALSO CLEVER - "I told my manager I'm an
alcoholic. I'm not, but I wanted to stop being
invited to work drinks with my seriously boring
colleagues. It worked."
* MAYBE NOT THAT CLEVER - "I once had a temp job
in University admin printing degree
certificates. On my last day, I printed myself a
certificate with the award of MA in Interpretive
Dance."
Join the 487k people who shout "Boris?! Is that
you?" in one tedious exhalation.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
PS. All other books are now obsolete. Pre-order
the Feshhole book now. It's the Bible for twats.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Did you know Hebtroco make shoes too? DID YOU?
Your feet deserve new boots. Yes, treat yourself
to British made shoes that are designed to last,
made by the official B3ta sponsors:
https://hebtro.co/shop/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Content to make the 'Cool Sites' list on Netscape
* BLOOPY SYNTHFUN - Ableton have made a synths
for noobs guide and as Simbosan writes, "I quite
enjoyed playing around with the pitch and
amplitude page"
https://learningsynths.ableton.com/
* IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT - Has your VHS recorder
been infected with a VHS virus? Check your
copies of Bergerac now.
https://whyimnotanartist.net/2016/03/08/vcr-virus-...
* NOT PAUL MCCARTNEY'S FROG CHORUS - A
minimalist chat room where users get their own
frog avatar and all they can do is croak at each
other. Could probably do with a few bot frogs
to become fake users when no one else is there,
though, as it is not much fun being the only one
in the pond.
https://frogchorus.com
* OLD SEARCH ENGINE - a front for a Google
search in which you get to see the oldest
results first (well, technically you get to see
new adverts first). Not the most accurate of
results, but it's fun to search for things you
are interested in and see what gets dredged up
from the depths of the internet.
https://oldestsearch.com
* VILLAGE NAME GENERATOR - we've seen a similar
project based on village names, but always
interesting to see how different people execute
an idea, and we like that this British Town
Generator allows you to play around with a few
settings to see a bit more of how these things
work.
http://newbritishtown.co.uk
* ANOTHER TEXT TO AI THING - we amused ourselves
typing in stuff like "Hitler in a bikini" and
"kittens in offices". You'll have fun, you will.
https://huggingface.co/spaces/dalle-mini/dalle-min...
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: UPSHOT SPONSORSHIP
"The funniest thing in my inbox"
If you like sport, you'll love the Upshot - a
weekly newsletter dishing out gossip,
controversy and tasteless jokes from the world
of British sport.
Sign up for free and get a three minute mood
enhancer every Friday.
https://upshot.email/
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: FRIDAY GAME
Radioheardle
Matt Korris writes, "The newsletter asked for a
Heardle for songs by The Beatles or The Cure.
The only band-specific one I've come across so
far is Radiohead."
https://radioheardle.glitch.me/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
80s Pop Games
Here's the best images from last week:
* LISA STANSFIELD from Monkoen
http://b3ta.com/board/11365851
* HAIRCUT 100 from 2kindsofherring
https://b3ta.com/board/11365367
* BOWIE from Wanxox
https://b3ta.com/board/11365542
* See all the other images from the '80s Pop
Games' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/80spopgames/popular
>> This week: Elon Musk <<
Elon Musk can take a joke can't he, let's find
out. Give us your best Elon shops, puns and
laughs at his considerable expense.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/elonmusk/popular
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: GOATSE COTNER
Oh god stop sending us this shit
Jim-skinner writes, "I'm going to annoy you by
sending in a goatse for your approval. I was
just browsing Reddit and came across this, which
someone encountered when unpacking their new
monitor, and I immediately thought of B3ta."
Please never think of B3ta again.
https://i.redd.it/csnzt7fhw5w81.jpg
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: FOLLOW UPS ON PREVIOUS STORIES
What happened next, in "cyber" "space"
* GREEN WASH BOT - the bot your editor made for
a green pressure group last week got into Ad
Week. Which was nice. It's probably going to go
quiet for a bit until next year's Earth Day. But
who knows, it might not.
https://www.adweek.com/brand-marketing/this-twitte...
* SWEARCLOCK ON A KITCHEN WALL - and speaking of
your editor's terrible bot projects, @swearclock
has escaped from Twitter:
https://twitter.com/LlamaBusiness/status/152010861...
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: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
Some ideas to kick you into the new millennium
* FLAG SHAGGER PLUG-IN - a chrome extension that
mutes/blocks anyone with a flag in their
profile.
* REALISTIC CONSERVATIVE MP SIMULATOR GAME - ok,
so this will be in parliament and you have to
look at porn on your phone when the eyeline of
the other MPs is elsewhere. Although if you
lose, you probably get promoted. SATIRE.
* KAJAGOOGLE - some sort of search engine that
only returns photos of Nick Beggs.
Impregnate our inbox womb with your semeny
email:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY!
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
Tribs is apologising this week
What's a ninja's favourite pork product?
Sneaky bacon!
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
