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NEWSLETTER: "FUCK A PIG IT'S AN INTERNET NEWSLETTER, YOU LUCKY SHITS"

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This Week:
* AMBIENT SCOTTISH RAIL - listen whilst you "work"
* FESSHOLE, BEST OF - nearly caught up on June
* CHALLENGE - Kids' TV Multiverse Swap Shop

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   the web
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"

B3ta email 828 - 20th Aug 2022

Read this issue to your poor mother:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue828

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: UPSHOT SPONSORSHIP
  Spicing up the bland world of sports coverage

  If you like sport, you'll love the Upshot - a
  weekly newsletter dishing out gossip,
  controversy and tasteless jokes from the world
  of British sport.

  Sign up for free and get a five minute hit of
  sporting filth every Friday.
https://upshot.email/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than making "meaty" smells

  * AI-BBY ROAD - Your editor has been feeding
  Beatles LP covers into artificial intelligence
  and laughing at the results. Help! comes out
  particularly well.
https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/1558886759869...

  * Ronald RMACD has made a "Homebrew AI Tory
  tweets generator". Although quite why it's not
  just spitting out "die peasant scum" is probably
  because AI isn't quite as evil as the Tory party
  just yet. Give it time.
https://tory-ai.proj.0x72.dev/

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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
  Buy some lovely clothes

  Have you ever considered that you should cover
  up your legs and arms and stuff with clothes so
  that you're not naked? If so, Hebtro is here to
  help you by providing clothes for cash - all
  made to the highest standards, made in the UK,
  and designed to last:
https://hebtro.co/

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: FESSHOLE 
  Your confessions fessed up for cheap laughs

  Each week you shit in a bin and we fish around
  for the lumpy bits and offer them up asking
  "should you see a doctor about this?"

  * STORY TIME - "My kids expect a made up story
  each night, be it a fat useless butterfly, or
  fat useless slug, a fat useless dragon, a fat
  useless worm...the story ends the same "and he
  grew up to be Boris Johnson" they fucking love
  it."

  * HERO - "I work for a government department. I
  often submit FOI requests using an anonymous
  website in the hope that a someone will pick up
  on a story about how corrupt this government
  is."

  * TEA - "Carpet fitter here, if I refuse a cup
  of tea from you with the excuse "just had one on
  the last job", it's because you are a manky
  bastard and I don't trust your hygiene."

  Link goes to the 'best of' for June, so there's
  some good ones in that, and we've nearly caught
  up with reality, as we'd got a bit behind in
  posting the round ups.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/15556159468149...

  And remember to please pre-order the book, which
  we're quite convinced is better than the Bible.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  The content-pipe ban causes URL drought in .UK

  * THE BEST USE OF THE FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT
  EVER - if you want to work to the sounds of
  Scottish train announcements and lo-fi beats
  then this site will sort you out. Actually
  hilarious: "expected industrial action happening
  today... carriage... Kidderminster... " 
https://matteason.co.uk/scotbeats/
 
  * HOW TO READ FRENCH IN ONE EASY LESSON - one of
  the most useful French lessons ever. To
  incorrectly paraphrase: if in doubt, add an S. 
https://b3ta.com/links/One_of_the_most_useful_Fren...

  * SEAGULL SIMULATOR - This is very 90s web, but
  we happened to play it after a trip to
  Scarborough, and after two days of squawking and
  shit-dodging, we found it amusingly relatable.
http://bitter-snowy-catboat.glitch.me

  * COLOUR JOURNEY - A walk through all the
  available RGB colours in a 3D space, which is an
  oddly relaxing experience. They should
  commission a soundtrack for each colour and turn
  it into a metaverse remake of Derek Jarman's
  Blue.
https://boltkey.github.io/color-journey/

  * EVER WONDERED HOW FAR A TRAIN WILL TAKE YOU IN
  FIVE HOURS - use this neat interactive to plan
  you next murder and escape. 
https://chronotrains-eu.vercel.app/

  * BLOKE FIXES ELECTRONICS - our happy space for
  the last month has been working through this
  middle-aged beardy bloke's videos where he fixes
  GameBoy carts and most video game stuff. It's
  the Repair Shop show you always wanted, if
  you're a massive nerd, and don't give a shit
  about the tedious human interest bits.
https://www.youtube.com/watch 

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Classic Book Games

  Pretty good challenge on converting books into
  games.

  * Razzle gave us Stephen King's greatest
http://b3ta.com/board/11372873

  * Plankton brings us Stieg Larsson's best known title
http://b3ta.com/board/11372980

  * Ninj leans into a little know author from Austria
http://b3ta.com/board/11372899

  * See all the other images from the 'Classic
  Book Games' challenge and make sure you check
  out Monkeon's excellent ones 
http://b3ta.com/challenge/bookgames/popular

  >> This week: Kids TV Multiverse <<
  Multiverses are all the rage, mixing characters
  and franchises or monkeying about with a show's
  history. Lets hit up Kids TV with the same money
  grabbing scam, put Postman Pat in Trumpton,
  imagine if Paddington hated Marmalade, or if the
  Teletubbies were different colours. It's kids TV
  in the multiverse of madness.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/kidstvmultiverse/popular

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: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
  Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
  H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
  Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
  Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
  Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
  Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
  Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
  Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
  Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
  mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
  OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
  Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
  Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
  pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
  Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
  RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
  sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
  McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
  Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
  Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
  Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
  Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
  Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
  Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
  Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
  Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
  James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
  Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
  Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
  Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
  Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
  Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
  Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
  Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
  Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
  FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
  Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
  Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
  madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
  Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
  Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
  Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
  Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
  help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
  by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You’re welcome - Kat)

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
  love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
  - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
  Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
  Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
  and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
  McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
  Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
  PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
  Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
  the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
  to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
  appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
  Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
  Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
  Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
  YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
  Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
  you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
  Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx.

  And do please donate as you get occasional
  "bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

-------------------------------------------------

: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
  Mr Pickles apologies for this

  Doctor, doctor... The GUI on my Unix based
  system has crashed and it's left me with just a
  command line prompt. Is it serious?"

  I'm afraid it's Terminal
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...

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