NEWSLETTER: "FUCK A PIG IT'S AN INTERNET NEWSLETTER, YOU LUCKY SHITS"
This Week:
* AMBIENT SCOTTISH RAIL - listen whilst you "work"
* FESSHOLE, BEST OF - nearly caught up on June
* CHALLENGE - Kids' TV Multiverse Swap Shop
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____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta email 828 - 20th Aug 2022
Read this issue to your poor mother:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue828
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: UPSHOT SPONSORSHIP
Spicing up the bland world of sports coverage
If you like sport, you'll love the Upshot - a
weekly newsletter dishing out gossip,
controversy and tasteless jokes from the world
of British sport.
Sign up for free and get a five minute hit of
sporting filth every Friday.
https://upshot.email/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making "meaty" smells
* AI-BBY ROAD - Your editor has been feeding
Beatles LP covers into artificial intelligence
and laughing at the results. Help! comes out
particularly well.
https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/1558886759869...
* Ronald RMACD has made a "Homebrew AI Tory
tweets generator". Although quite why it's not
just spitting out "die peasant scum" is probably
because AI isn't quite as evil as the Tory party
just yet. Give it time.
https://tory-ai.proj.0x72.dev/
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some lovely clothes
Have you ever considered that you should cover
up your legs and arms and stuff with clothes so
that you're not naked? If so, Hebtro is here to
help you by providing clothes for cash - all
made to the highest standards, made in the UK,
and designed to last:
https://hebtro.co/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions fessed up for cheap laughs
Each week you shit in a bin and we fish around
for the lumpy bits and offer them up asking
"should you see a doctor about this?"
* STORY TIME - "My kids expect a made up story
each night, be it a fat useless butterfly, or
fat useless slug, a fat useless dragon, a fat
useless worm...the story ends the same "and he
grew up to be Boris Johnson" they fucking love
it."
* HERO - "I work for a government department. I
often submit FOI requests using an anonymous
website in the hope that a someone will pick up
on a story about how corrupt this government
is."
* TEA - "Carpet fitter here, if I refuse a cup
of tea from you with the excuse "just had one on
the last job", it's because you are a manky
bastard and I don't trust your hygiene."
Link goes to the 'best of' for June, so there's
some good ones in that, and we've nearly caught
up with reality, as we'd got a bit behind in
posting the round ups.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/15556159468149...
And remember to please pre-order the book, which
we're quite convinced is better than the Bible.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
The content-pipe ban causes URL drought in .UK
* THE BEST USE OF THE FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT
EVER - if you want to work to the sounds of
Scottish train announcements and lo-fi beats
then this site will sort you out. Actually
hilarious: "expected industrial action happening
today... carriage... Kidderminster... "
https://matteason.co.uk/scotbeats/
* HOW TO READ FRENCH IN ONE EASY LESSON - one of
the most useful French lessons ever. To
incorrectly paraphrase: if in doubt, add an S.
https://b3ta.com/links/One_of_the_most_useful_Fren...
* SEAGULL SIMULATOR - This is very 90s web, but
we happened to play it after a trip to
Scarborough, and after two days of squawking and
shit-dodging, we found it amusingly relatable.
http://bitter-snowy-catboat.glitch.me
* COLOUR JOURNEY - A walk through all the
available RGB colours in a 3D space, which is an
oddly relaxing experience. They should
commission a soundtrack for each colour and turn
it into a metaverse remake of Derek Jarman's
Blue.
https://boltkey.github.io/color-journey/
* EVER WONDERED HOW FAR A TRAIN WILL TAKE YOU IN
FIVE HOURS - use this neat interactive to plan
you next murder and escape.
https://chronotrains-eu.vercel.app/
* BLOKE FIXES ELECTRONICS - our happy space for
the last month has been working through this
middle-aged beardy bloke's videos where he fixes
GameBoy carts and most video game stuff. It's
the Repair Shop show you always wanted, if
you're a massive nerd, and don't give a shit
about the tedious human interest bits.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Classic Book Games
Pretty good challenge on converting books into
games.
* Razzle gave us Stephen King's greatest
http://b3ta.com/board/11372873
* Plankton brings us Stieg Larsson's best known title
http://b3ta.com/board/11372980
* Ninj leans into a little know author from Austria
http://b3ta.com/board/11372899
* See all the other images from the 'Classic
Book Games' challenge and make sure you check
out Monkeon's excellent ones
http://b3ta.com/challenge/bookgames/popular
>> This week: Kids TV Multiverse <<
Multiverses are all the rage, mixing characters
and franchises or monkeying about with a show's
history. Lets hit up Kids TV with the same money
grabbing scam, put Postman Pat in Trumpton,
imagine if Paddington hated Marmalade, or if the
Teletubbies were different colours. It's kids TV
in the multiverse of madness.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/kidstvmultiverse/popular
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You’re welcome - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
Mr Pickles apologies for this
Doctor, doctor... The GUI on my Unix based
system has crashed and it's left me with just a
command line prompt. Is it serious?"
I'm afraid it's Terminal
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...
