NEWSLETTER: "RADIOACTIVITY - DISCOVERED BY MARIAH CAREY"
This Week:
* ANNOUNCEMENT - first CRISP SANDWICH DAY ever
* QUIZ - Tory or not
* CHALLENGE - some 1970s internet results
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | so we can resell it
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| to pay the gas bill"
B3ta email 830 - 02 Sep 2022
Read this issue whilst cosplaying as a pylon:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue830
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: UPSHOT SPONSORSHIP
Spicing up the bland world of sports coverage
If you like sport, you'll love the Upshot - a
weekly newsletter dishing out gossip,
controversy and tasteless jokes from the world
of British sport.
Sign up for free and get a five minute hit of
sporting filth every Friday.
https://upshot.email/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making wet patches in their trousers
* TORY OR NOT TORY - bagpuss.org writes, "Next
week 0.3% of the electorate will probably choose
Liz Truss to continue the arduous task of
ruining Britain. I always thought that you could
spot a Tory a mile off, so I microwaved up a
stupid game to test this theory. In 'Tory, or
not Tory', you'll see official portraits of 10
Members of Parliament. You decide if each photo
is of a Conservative MP, or from one of the
other political parties that you'd be better off
voting for."
https://toryornottory.com/
* ANNOUNCING, CRISP SANDWICH DAY - Matt Round
writes, "It's time there was a special day to
celebrate this iconic foodstuff, so I've gone
and done it. You can pledge support at the
bottom of the page to add your name to crisp
sandwich history."
https://vole.wtf/crisp-sandwich-day/
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some lovely clothes
Have you ever considered that you should cover
up your legs and arms and stuff with clothes so
that you're not naked? If so, Hebtro is here to
help you by providing clothes for cash - all
made to the highest standards, made in the UK,
and designed to last:
https://hebtro.co/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confesses fessed up for cheap lols
Each week you shout your lies into a bucket and
we fish a few out for pointless internet likes.
* CUNNING - "Two years ago my wife cancelled
Skysports, & I started a long game. My 6 y/o son
had never been into football & I started work
subtly: playing footy in the garden with him,
getting him playing in local team. Now he's just
asked to watch on tv. Skysports reinstated. Job
done."
* STUPID - "My boyfriend is sweet and tender but
his intelligence makes me question the
relationship after he said 'I love how your hair
grows at different speeds.' I have a fringe."
* MONSTROUS - "I am meant to be on a diet as my
husband says he would love me more if I was
slimmer. I secretly eat Flakes in bed and brush
the crumbs onto his side. The resulting 'skid
marks' have led the shallow judgemental bastard
to believe his personal hygiene is somewhat
lacking."
Follow now on the fucking terrible Twitter
account.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
Pre-order the Fesshole book, for it will be
fantastic.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...
FESSTIVE HOLE - your editor has announced a
Christmas show for the 21st of December. Do
come, the plan is to do the fesses, then hang
around for a drink afterwards. BOOZE! London!
Fun!
https://www.designmynight.com/london/whats-on/come...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Print now, for when you can't afford the web
* 80s COMEDY NERDERY - More Dirty Feed gold that
seems to have gone down well with the comedy
geeks. A parody in the Spitting Image book of
the 70s treasure hunt Masquerade turns out to
have been a real competition, but no one
believed them because it just looked like a
joke. This is the story of what happened next.
Might try some of the tricks in Neil's Book of
The Dead to see if you can actually attain
spiritual transcendence by following his advice.
https://dirtyfeed.org/2022/08/in-search-of-the-gol...
* TLC IN SHIT TLD PUN - We like the idea of
owning a domain for the sake of a pun. Here's
TLC's 27 year old (christ!) banger encoded into
JSON. Annoying that the MIDI doesn't autoplay
due to the W3 ruining everyone's fun by
outlawing such HTML shenanigans. Perhaps when
we Brexit from the W3, we'll get autoplaying
sound back.
https://dontgojsonwaterfalls.com
* GUESS THE HOUSE PRICE - One of the worst
things about middle age is having to pretend to
be interested in house prices. Assuming that,
like football, people actually do find that
stuff interesting, this seems a very good idea
for a quiz. Can you guess how much the house
went for? Could do with a UK version, though.
https://listed.fun
* BASSLINE THAT DESTROYS LAPTOPS - Loving Adam
Neely on the Janet Jackson bassline that breaks
laptops. Goes nicely into music theory detail.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* BEST TRAILER - Daniel Radcliffe stars as Al
Yankovic in the first trailer for 'WEIRD: THE AL
YANKOVIC STORY'. We're not sure if this will be
entertaining for a whole movie, but it's one of
the most entertaining trailers we've seen in a
long while.
https://twitter.com/DiscussingFilm/status/15642395...
* DEEP DIVE ON OLD INTERNET - in an idea we're
actually annoyed we didn't think of, going deep
on the weird corners of the Internet Archive. A
worthy sequel to the similar, Depths of
Wikipedia.
https://twitter.com/internetdepths
* AI BRILLIANCE / DOOM IS HERE - 'Stable
Diffusion' now available to run on an M1 Mac. In
other words, this means the AI image maker
that's better than Dall-E, will work on a £1k
laptop. The cat is truly out of the bag and the
world will never be the same again.
https://replicate.com/blog/run-stable-diffusion-on...
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: RESULTS SO FAR FROM THE 70s INTERNET
Your photoshops 'shopped'
We've been imagining a 1970s internet over on
bee-three-tea-ay. Here's some of our favs:
* Monkeon's take on the 1970s Nyan cat
https://b3ta.com/board/11375351
* How buffering would have worked for Margo
Leadbetter, from Ninj
https://b3ta.com/board/11374864
* And S4RK brings us their take on Wicker Man
https://b3ta.com/board/11375097
All this on more on the website your mum likes
to block on the router:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/70sinternet/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* STREAMING CLOSEDOWN - Free idea for @netflix.
A closedown option in the menus which you could
set to 2am or so which would play the national
anthem and tell you to go to bed.
* 'WHO THE HELL ARE THEY?' A PODCAST FOR OLD
PEOPLE - A podcast where a Jon Ronson-a-like
works through the biggest accounts on TikTok
working out who the hell they are and what their
content means that it's popular.
* NATIONALISE THE ENERGY INDUSTRY - it's going
to have to happen sooner or later and it'll be
cheaper than propping them up.
Send your junk to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You’re welcome - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
gorbachev wiv da angles now. hope he's up there
jamming with reagan and maggie a nu
intermediate-range nuclear forces treaty, kurdt
cobain on bass
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: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
Smallbrainfield apologises for the follow
What kind of sugar actually tastes salty?
Alan.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...
