NEWSLETTER: "THE QUEEN NEVER GOT TO CLICK THESE LINKS :("
This Week:
* CHILDHOOD AMBITIONS - did they come true?
* CHALLENGE - How are the King Charles pics going?
* SEX TIPS - well not really, but yeah
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're sorry about saving
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web, it was a
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| terrible mistake..."
B3ta email 832 - 16 Sep 2022
Read this issue badly formatted on your phone:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue832
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making bad smells on the sofa
* CHILDHOOD AMBITIONS - Back in oooh 1978 Matt
Round asked, in this very newsletter, for you to
confess your childhood ambitions and he's
finally got round to making a 'thing' out of it.
Turns out most of you wanted to be serial
killers AND succeeded.
https://vole.wtf/childhood-ambitions/
BTW: This has reminded us that we once ran a
Question Of The Week on the same subject. Well
it's something to read should you fancy living
back in 2007 just before Facebook and
smartphones took off.
https://b3ta.com/questions/childhoodambitions/
* INTERVIEW WITH A B3TAN - Oh and why not read
an interview with Fraser Lewry, the B3tan who
used to help us run QOTW, back in the day, and
now lives in New Zealand, which is a bit of an
upgrade really.
https://www.oamarumail.co.nz/features/from-the-bir...
* BEATLES BOOK - it would also be remiss for us
to not mention that it's John Higgs' launch day
for his Beatles / James Bond book, which is well
worth a read, as we were lucky enough to get a
preview copy.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B09XBVQVH...
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some lovely jeans and coats and stuff
Because Hebtro don't tell us what to write we
can say anything including "BUY PATRIOTIC JEANS
FOR THE QUEEN!" However, what we really should
say is something about how they've brought out
some coats for winter, coz yes, cold weather is
coming. Brr. Wrap up warm. All made in the UK to
the highest standards.
https://hebtro.co/product-category/jackets/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions fessed up for useless likes
Each week you throw your lies into a Google form
and we pick out a few to throw onto social
media, to see which ones make people annoyed.
* MAIN CHARACTER SYNDROME - "Read in a Jack
Reacher book that you shouldn't turn on the
light that comes on in your car when you open
the door as it's a sniper's dream. Not had it on
for years and never been sniped. Winner."
* FOOTY LIAR - "I'm 44. Loved football all my
life. Season ticket for 15 years. I have no idea
what's going on most of the time. Can't read
tactics or figure the formation but I know when
to make the right noises and say 'space!' I like
it when we score though."
* SEX TIPS "After sex I place a single tissue
over my knob to make it look like a little
ghost. I shout 'woooo' at my girlfriend and
twitch it about. She says she's going to leave
me if I do it again. I'm going to do it again."
Follow fesshole on Twitter dot twats, if you
like.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
But more importantly pre-order the book so that
the publishers don't have a shit-attack that
they've backed a dud.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...
And do buy tickets to the Xmas show.
https://www.designmynight.com/london/whats-on/come...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Click these bastards, like you mean it ok?
* YES, YOU SHOULD BE AFRAID - this project is
using CCTV and AI to find Instagram photos being
taken. That this is even possible using
off-the-shelf stuff, god knows what stuff
Governments have.
https://driesdepoorter.be/thefollower/
* COLLABORATIVE SOUND NONSENSE - This art
project uses machine learning to connect any
sound you record with similar sounds from around
the world. Communicate with a caveman grunt, or
just let rip down your microphone and hear from
fellow petomanes around the world.
https://soundoftheearth.org
* LET'S GO FISHING - We recently saw someone
complain about the amount of fishing-based indie
games there are at the moment. But the world's
a stressful place, and Bob & Paul have taught us
that fishing is a relaxing thing to do, so bring
them on. This one is a puzzler - try and catch
all the fish without running out of line.
https://rhythmlynx.itch.io/curious-fishing
* PLOT GENERATOR - Jean-Luc Godard may no longer
be with us, but his ideas live on in this
generator, which is a coded-up version of a
formula Umberto Eco once wrote to pastiche his
style. It seems based more on the esoteric later
films than the fun early ones, so probably not
much use to Quentin Tarantino when he's looking
for stuff to steal.
http://godard-plot-generator.glitch.me
* ROYAL FAMILY - This semi-suppressed 1969 doc
about the Royal Family is pretty interesting.
The BBC keep knocking copies off YouTube, at the
request of the Palace, but this version on
Archive.org seems to be hanging around. Banned
mainly because it demystifies the royals a bit -
they're a bit boring.
https://archive.org/details/royal-family-1969_2021...
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
King Charles challenge still open
69 entries so far and our favs include:
* "I was very very drunk" by Q4Nobody
https://b3ta.com/board/11376323
* "Queue/Queen" by Mr Dogshit
https://b3ta.com/board/11376849
* "Commemorative ears" from plankton
https://b3ta.com/board/11376364
Check out all the entries, or, indeed, add your
own. If you get hung for treasons we'll
photoshop an apology to your family.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/kingcharles/popular/
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* REPUBLICANISM 2.0 - A #NotMyKing plug-in idea
- code that scans your internet shopping basket
for products with marked with Royal Warrant and
then offers up alternatives.
* BYE-BYE, NADINE - Ewhitmey writes, "Hi. A
request for the newsletter. Can someone please
make a single purpose website with the URL
Isnadinedorriesstillinthecaninet.com. Just a
single page which switches from Yes To No." Well
the boat has sailed on this one. Thankfully.
* CLICK ME BABY ONE MORE TIME - How many times
can the internet click on Britney Spears in this
idea that we might have done in 2001.
Send photographs of your testicles to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You’re welcome - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
Squiggy apologises for the following
A load of dogs have just escaped from the police
station. Luckily the police are currently out
there chasing many leads.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...
