NEWSLETTER: "ONLY FOUR MORE CHANCELLORS UNTIL CHRISTMAS"
"Only four more Chancellors until Christmas"
This Week:
* CHALLENGE - Glove Puppets
* JOKES - And how they work
* FESSHOLE - Hey, it's a monthly best-of
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're having our own
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | Tory Party Conference
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| of shame... together"
B3ta email 834 - 14th Oct 2022
Coo this issue to your confused budgie:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue834
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making 'shadow-dicks' on the wall
* KILOGRAM - Matt Round has made "the
Worst-Quality Photo Sharing Site Ever" and tells
us "Every precious image gets crunched down to
1,024 bytes or less"
https://vole.wtf/kilogram/
* THE RETURN OF ANON OPIN - our terrible
opinions account was knocked out for a week, due
to a weird Twitter bug where it put us into a
loop of bad approval codes. Well that was
eventually fixed, but we advise all Twitter
users to make sure they've validated their
accounts by email and phone and not phone alone.
https://twitter.com/anon_opin
* JOKES - Breakdown of how the jokes work in two
minutes of The Simpsons. If you're interested in
writing and this doesn't make you order Joel
Morris's book then there is something wrong with
you.
https://gralefrit.weebly.com/home/two-minutes-of-t...
* OUR KING, THE SWEARY CUNT - It would be remiss
of us to not mention David Firth, creator of
Salad Fingers, re-voicing of this King Prince
Charles clip that has done stupendous numbers.
https://twitter.com/DAVID_FIRTH/status/15754732693...
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some lovely jeans you silly billys
Are you dressed like a scarecrow? Do crows flee
when you lurk in a field? Help is at hand with
Hebtro who make lovely clothes like jeans and
jackets and shirts of people like you. All made
in the UK and designed to last.
https://hebtro.co/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions fessed up like cat sick
Each week you shout your lies into a bin and we
throw a couple out on social media to see what
shit flies:
* DATING - "As a Doctor, I know that a lot of my
patients' ailments are in the mind. They are
lonely. I arrange appointments to 'match make'
those who I think will get on. I keep them
waiting so they have a chance to 'meet' in the
waiting room. 20 years and 6 marriages. Call me
Cilla."
* GOTH - "I'm a goth and when the Queen died I
borrowed brightly coloured clothes to wear so
that strangers would not think I was in mourning
for a woman I had never met."
* MILK - "My husband opened a new carton of milk
when there was still some left in the old one. I
asked why and he said there wasn't enough in the
old one for a full glass, and he didn't want to
mix the milk of two different cows. My husband
is 47."
Oh follow the social media account if you must.
Link goes to a recent best-of, so that's worth a
click.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/15743625236331...
Do pre-buy the book - out at the end of October.
It's very real now, as we've had 15 pre-release
copies delivered to B3ta HQ and they look
fantastic.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...
Buy tickets to the Xmas show:
https://www.designmynight.com/london/whats-on/come...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Internet content made by geeks bearing gifs
* SATIRES - The Onion were asked to submit
evidence to the US government, defending satire,
and they did a good job. Honestly, this could be
the thing that they're remembered for in the
long run. Swiftian.
https://t.co/3D9xvTBKfi
* ROAD TRIP - An internet answer to Slow TV,
this website lets you take a real-time road trip
across America, whilst listening to local radio
and finding out trivia and news about the places
you pass. A nice mash-up of several APIs that
will hopefully make numbers in URLs cool again.
https://4m3ric4.com
* APOCALYPSE NOW? - Neal Dotfun has decided to
make everyone's existential crises worse by
building a collection of X Days Since signs for
natural disasters all around the world. Now pop
on an ambient album and focus on your breathing.
https://neal.fun/days-since-incident/
* BUTT PLUG CHESS - If you come up with a weird
theory involving technology, a geek will usually
be inspired to go off and build the proof of
concept. In this case, Reddit's theory that you
can cheat at chess by communicating with a
player via a butt plug.
https://github.com/RonSijm/ButtFish
* IMPROVED EDITING - What if all the keys on a
computer keyboard were in a single row? You'd
like that, wouldn't you, you freaks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Celebs Behaving Badly
Here's the best images from last week:
* ART ATTACK - from Monkeon
http://b3ta.com/board/11377702
* PADDINGTON - from S4RK
https://b3ta.com/board/11377875
* TEST(ES) CARD - from C_Kick
https://b3ta.com/board/11377962
* See all the other images from the 'Celebs
Behaving Badly' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/celebsbehavebadly/popula...
>> This week: Glove Puppets <<
Emu, Basil Brush, Sooty and Sweep, we love glove
puppets so let's spend some time fist deep in
them.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/glovepuppets/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* PIRATE SQUINT - Maybe you could make a video
streaming site for pirated movies at 16x9
pixels?
* WHO MADE THIS?? - you upload a pic and it
gives it that forwarded around and re-grabbed
look by apply compression on compression, ads a
random website slug (_FUNNY___LOLS.COM), crops
it weirdly, adds letterboxing, I dunno, make a
big list of stuff and have a slider so people
can have fun with it
* SHAMPOO POO - Someone should start a social
media account that posts shampoo bottles for loo
reading - ideally from the 1980s for added
authenticity.
Get in touch:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You’re welcome - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
What's the gothiest two tube stations?
Balham and the Angel.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...
