NEWSLETTER: "WHAT'S LASTED 174 TIMES THE LENGTH OF LIZ TRUSS'S PREMIERSHIP AND EQUALLY DAMAGING TO THE UK'S REPUTATION?"
This Week:
* TOY - Slave To The Webcam
* SONG - About 'Agile' methodology
* CHALLENGE - the BBC in 100 years time
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta email 835 - 21 Oct 2022
Read this issue in your pants:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue835
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making prayers for everything to stop
* SLAVE TO THE WEBCAM - Monkeon writes, "I've
recently seen generators based on Drake, Tyler
the Creator and Taylor Swift album art. To
learn a bit more about canvas and streaming
video, I built a generator more suitable to my
demographic of old gits, 1985's Slave To The
Rhythm by Grace Jones and Ian McShane." Nice,
made us feel like we were in a mid 1980s
magazine advert for jowl removal.
https://monkeon.co.uk/gracecam/
* SONG ABOUT SOFTWARE METHODOLOGY - MJHibbett,
of Hey Hey 16k fame, writes, "Hello all - here
is a VIDEO that I am DROPPING. It's a frank,
business-like assessment of The Agile
Methodology which I hope people will find useful
in a corporate context." Wow, so it turns out
our favourite pop star MJ doesn't live a
WHAM!-like life of cocktails and sunshine, and
has a job in the tech trenches like the rest of
us.
https://b3ta.com/links/Agile
* WHAT NINE WHOS - Star Trek enthusiast Ed
Jefferson writes, "Have you ever wished that you
could describe the precise location of anywhere
in the world by simply listing the names of 9
actors who have played TV's (and film's) Doctor
Who?" Ed, don't ever change.
https://edjefferson.com/w9w/
* WIKI "LEAKS" - Speaking of that terrible
What3Words system, James Kindred writes, "I
built a thing called @holeysh_it that lets
people report potholes and water leaks with
What3Words, it then tweets the water companies
and local councils to pester them to fix it. Not
sure if that’s worthy of the B3TA newsletter but
I’m finding it amusing." Well yes, worthy and
not very jokey, but we're feeling generous this
week so we'll include it.
https://twitter.com/holeysh_it
* B3TAN WRITES 'CANCER' PLAY - Hagbardsapple
writes, "After I was diagnosed with breast
cancer in 2017, the only logical move (besides
chemo and radio therapy and having my cancery
moob surgically removed) was to write a short
Afternoon Play for Radio 4 in which the
cancerous lump speaks with the voice of Nigel
Farage." Reminds us of Dennis Potter calling his
cancer Rupert after the bear he despised the
most.
https://erislabs.net/stu/nigel/
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Christmas means durable stocking fillers
It's coming up to Christmas, so it's time to buy
the men in your life some durable jeans and
shirts so they look swish for the new year. Buy
lots of them too so that Hebtro don't think it's
a bad idea to keep sponsoring this terrible
newsletter.
https://hebtro.co/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions fessed up like cat vomit
Three years ago we started a Google form for you
to shout some bollocks into and now there's
624,000 people following it on Twitter and
frankly we've had to commit to the bit.
* TRAINS - "Train driver here. Whenever I see
someone waving goodbye to a partner/family
member/friend from the platform to the train, I
hold the train for a minute or so, just long
enough to make the waving become awkward."
* LIFE HACKS - "Me & three mates decided to
invent an old friend so we could have three
weekends off, this year, from the family: two
stag dos, home and away, and a wedding the wives
weren't invited to. We all booked hotels, ate
what we wanted, and got lie-ins. Worked
perfectly."
* BOYFRIEND - "My boyfriend told me he'd really
like to try drag race. So for his birthday I got
us VIP tickets to a drag show, we met the
queens, he even got the chance to dress as a
queen and go on stage with them. He went along
with it all but later told me he actually
preferred motorsport."
Follow it coz it's better than worrying about
politics:
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
Pre-order the book, it's out in one week, so
this is the last newsletter in which the book
was only a thing in imagination land, next week
it'll be real.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
More content, for your content pipes
* AI EMOJI - An AI that attempts to translate
your words to emojis. Quite fun to type in names
and see what the computer thinks of them ("Jeff
Minter" returns some camels and goats, as you'd
hope). Like playing a game of Concept with
yourself.
https://words2emoji.com
* 1D MARIO - As someone who went off gaming when
games all started going 3D, I'm all for less
dimensions. In this case, you can play Super
Mario in 1D. Or you can just watch the video,
as it looks impossible to actually play.
https://mar1d.com
* SCISSORS CONTAGION - If Scissors, Paper Stone
was a virus, here's a simulation of how it would
spread through a population. Pointless, but
rather mesmeric, and would have made a lovely
screensaver back in the day.
https://rosham.glitch.me
* CUSTOM CASIO WATCH HARDWARE - You can
customise the terrorist's fave watch with a
programmable motherboard, there's even an
emulator to make it easy to code the tiny
apps/games.
https://blog.jgc.org/2022/10/pimping-my-casio-with...
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Glove Puppets
Here's the best images from last week:
* NINJ tackles the most famous meme of our times
http://b3ta.com/board/11378842
* DICK WONDER delivers strong pun work
http://b3ta.com/board/11378509
* S4RK makes Star Wars armless
http://b3ta.com/board/11378682
* See all the other images from the 'Glove
Puppets' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/glovepuppets/popular
>> This week: BBC200 <<
It's the BBC's 100th anniversary, let's
celebrate the fact by imagining all their shows
a hundred years in the future!
http://b3ta.com/challenge/bbc200/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* HOW MUCH DOES SUELLA BRAVERMAN HATE YOU? QUIZ
- "Have you ever glanced acceptingly at tofu?"
Well, this was topical when we made notes for
this newsletter.
* SOUPS YOU, SIR - a Chrome plug-in that allows
you to throw soup at all art on the National
Gallery website
* A CAMPAIGN TO MAKE THINGS BETTER - not quite
sure how this would work but we need it ASAP.
Get in touch:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You’re welcome - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
What was the name of the Eggman's wife?
Yolko Ono (Happiness is a warm pun.)
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...
