NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER THAT FILMS ITSELF COMMITTING A CRIME EVERY WEEK BECAUSE CONTENT NEVER SLEEPS"
This Week:
* WEEBL - Makes a C64 game music album
* GAME - Hampster Invaders
* FESSHOLE LIVE - Coming to Leicester Comedy Festival
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the bed
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta email 845 - 20 Jan 2023
Read this issue to your poor confused dog:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue845
Subscribe: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making semen omelettes, again
* HAMSTER INVADERS - Malevole writes, "Yes,
Hampster Dance and Space Invaders, together at
last Clear the first wave to get a blast of
Cognoscenti vs Intelligentsia - Cuban Boys got
in touch & suggested adding their classic hit
single!" Next week hopefully we'll get Emotion
Eric Pong.
https://vole.wtf/hampster-invaders/
* BATTERSEA POWER STATION SOUNDSCAPE - Fred
Zeppelin writes, "I went to the newly re-fangled
Battersea Power Stn when it was unusually empty,
and wandering around noticed some weird
thrumming and 'singing' that made for a pleasant
and relaxing atmosphere. So I ran home and got
my audio recorder, and added no effects. You may
find it nice to have on in the background of
working etc." Useful to drown out our inner
monologue of dark thoughts on how to fix old
Cure albums.
https://b3ta.com/links/Battersea_Power_Station_sou...
* IF YOU SEE SID TELL HIM - Older readers will
remember when Jonti Picking launched 'Badger
Badger Badger' in this newsletter of record, and
twenty odd years later we're here to tell you
he's just put out an album of Commodore 64 SID
tune covers. An ideal soundtrack for a sad wank.
https://bit.ly/sidlifecrisiscd
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Go on, buy some lovely clothes
Hebtro make clothes, and if you wear them it'll
protect you from being damp or cold, which is a
good thing, as being nude in the British climate
can lead to misery. So simply give Hebtro some
of your money, and all your lifestyle problems
will be solved in hardwearing fashion.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions fessed up for the fuck of it
Each week you shout about your miserable lives
into our Google form and we pick out a few for
the hordes to shout "SHAME! SINNER!" to:
* SEXY - "I heard my neighbour moaning one
morning and had a wank listening to her. Found
out later, she was out, and it was a pigeon."
* GOOD PLAN - "This Christmas we both told our
parents that we were at our partner's family.
Actually spent the day at home with each other
curled up on the sofa watching Lord of the Rings
in our pyjamas and eating roast potatoes dipped
in gravy. It was perfect"
* PRACTICAL - I'm a single woman, and any time
I'm looking for a tradesman, I go on Tinder.
Strike up a convo, few dates, job I couldn't get
anyone for is done. Plumber, electrician,
handyman, works a treat."
Join the 851k people who've mistakenly followed
this account thinking it's that funny one that
shows eBayers' reflections in mirrors:
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
Buy the book, it's cheap at £6.49 and absolutely
ideal to keep in the toilet so you don't have to
read the back of shampoo bottles whilst you shit
and masturbate.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
* FESSHOLE LIVE, LEICESTER COMEDY FESTIVAL, 11TH
FEB - three weeks until the next show, buy
tickets so we don't look like the sad fucks that
we are.
https://comedy-festival.co.uk/event/fesshole-live/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
No AI projects, coz they're all samey as fuck
* THE 88X31 GIF COLLECTION - if you've been on
the Internet for as long as us, then this is a
piquant slice of nostalgia for the time when our
pubes weren't grey.
http://cyber.dabamos.de/88x31/
* SALESFORCE AS DATING APP - Some guy we knew
applied a grim kind of management style to his
online dating: "Laura is on stage two, I want to
close on the next meet, else I'm out". Turns out
there's now an app for that and really, the
world needs to end now. Is there an app for
self-Dignitas yet?
https://dateforce.app/
* YOUR LIFE IS SLIPPING AWAY - A novel way of
measuring how much of your life has been wasted
in a pointless meeting. What things have people
achieved in the time it's taken you to decide on
what shade of brown the new logo should be?
https://timemymeeting.com
* ALIEN ABDUCTION - An idle clicker in which you
must abduct all the humans before zooming off
into space. Aesthetically pleasing and
addictive, but at least you can complete it in
under 15 minutes, so you don't get to the "I'm
wasting my life and can't stop!" stage of these
at their worst.
https://kindanice.itch.io/ufo-clicker
* WORD PROCESSING FUN - Word, but designed as an
executive toy rather than a boring bit of work
software. Take a nice relaxing walk with your
words, and enjoy the comforting tap of the
typewriter as you stroll along. All play and no
work word processing - Jack Torrance would
approve.
https://ludipe.itch.io/this-is-not-word
* SOMETHING FOR YOU CUNTS TO LISTEN TO - we're
enjoying this 1979 Japanese LP which sounds a
bit like Nintendo music played by a real band.
You know, the summery island level stuff.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you in the brain balls
* POP, POPPING-OFF CLOCK - with the death of
David Crosby on our minds, some sort of
depressing death clock that lists all the
legendary 60s musicians we have left, and how
many are gone.
* ALARMING SATIRE - Create your
police-rapist-hiding-in-plain-sight name by
adding something scary like Psycho or Murderer
or Rapist to a blokey version of your own first
name. Ok, maybe not.
* 8008135 - a web project dedicated to spotting
vaguely amusing numbers and number plates.
Send your projects to the Magic Donkey:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You're welcome - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
"As a naive 21 year old, I was followed down a
street in Amsterdam by a man repeatedly saying
'Charlie?' I answered, 'No, Jeremy' because that
is my name."
