we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER THAT FILMS ITSELF COMMITTING A CRIME EVERY WEEK BECAUSE CONTENT NEVER SLEEPS"

 
« previous issue

This Week:
* WEEBL - Makes a C64 game music album
* GAME - Hampster Invaders 
* FESSHOLE LIVE - Coming to Leicester Comedy Festival
-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   the bed
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"

B3ta email 845 - 20 Jan 2023

Read this issue to your poor confused dog:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue845

Subscribe: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than making semen omelettes, again 

  * HAMSTER INVADERS - Malevole writes, "Yes,
  Hampster Dance and Space Invaders, together at
  last Clear the first wave to get a blast of
  Cognoscenti vs Intelligentsia - Cuban Boys got
  in touch & suggested adding their classic hit
  single!" Next week hopefully we'll get Emotion
  Eric Pong.
https://vole.wtf/hampster-invaders/ 

  * BATTERSEA POWER STATION SOUNDSCAPE - Fred
  Zeppelin writes, "I went to the newly re-fangled
  Battersea Power Stn when it was unusually empty,
  and wandering around noticed some weird
  thrumming and 'singing' that made for a pleasant
  and relaxing atmosphere. So I ran home and got
  my audio recorder, and added no effects. You may
  find it nice to have on in the background of
  working etc." Useful to drown out our inner
  monologue of dark thoughts on how to fix old
  Cure albums.
https://b3ta.com/links/Battersea_Power_Station_sou...

  * IF YOU SEE SID TELL HIM - Older readers will
  remember when Jonti Picking launched 'Badger
  Badger Badger' in this newsletter of record, and
  twenty odd years later we're here to tell you
  he's just put out an album of Commodore 64 SID
  tune covers. An ideal soundtrack for a sad wank.
https://bit.ly/sidlifecrisiscd

-------------------------------------------------

: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
  Go on, buy some lovely clothes

  Hebtro make clothes, and if you wear them it'll
  protect you from being damp or cold, which is a
  good thing, as being nude in the British climate
  can lead to misery. So simply give Hebtro some
  of your money, and all your lifestyle problems
  will be solved in hardwearing fashion. 
https://hebtro.co/new/

-------------------------------------------------

: FESSHOLE 
  Your confessions fessed up for the fuck of it

  Each week you shout about your miserable lives
  into our Google form and we pick out a few for
  the hordes to shout "SHAME! SINNER!" to: 

  * SEXY - "I heard my neighbour moaning one
  morning and had a wank listening to her. Found
  out later, she was out, and it was a pigeon."

  * GOOD PLAN - "This Christmas we both told our
  parents that we were at our partner's family.
  Actually spent the day at home with each other
  curled up on the sofa watching Lord of the Rings
  in our pyjamas and eating roast potatoes dipped
  in gravy. It was perfect"

  * PRACTICAL - I'm a single woman, and any time
  I'm looking for a tradesman, I go on Tinder.
  Strike up a convo, few dates, job I couldn't get
  anyone for is done. Plumber, electrician,
  handyman, works a treat."

  Join the 851k people who've mistakenly followed
  this account thinking it's that funny one that
  shows eBayers' reflections in mirrors:
https://twitter.com/fesshole/

  Buy the book, it's cheap at £6.49 and absolutely
  ideal to keep in the toilet so you don't have to
  read the back of shampoo bottles whilst you shit
  and masturbate.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb

  * FESSHOLE LIVE, LEICESTER COMEDY FESTIVAL, 11TH
  FEB - three weeks until the next show, buy
  tickets so we don't look like the sad fucks that
  we are.
https://comedy-festival.co.uk/event/fesshole-live/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  No AI projects, coz they're all samey as fuck

  * THE 88X31 GIF COLLECTION - if you've been on
  the Internet for as long as us, then this is a
  piquant slice of nostalgia for the time when our
  pubes weren't grey.
http://cyber.dabamos.de/88x31/

  * SALESFORCE AS DATING APP - Some guy we knew
  applied a grim kind of management style to his
  online dating: "Laura is on stage two, I want to
  close on the next meet, else I'm out". Turns out
  there's now an app for that and really, the
  world needs to end now. Is there an app for
  self-Dignitas yet?
https://dateforce.app/

  * YOUR LIFE IS SLIPPING AWAY - A novel way of
  measuring how much of your life has been wasted
  in a pointless meeting.  What things have people
  achieved in the time it's taken you to decide on
  what shade of brown the new logo should be?
https://timemymeeting.com

  * ALIEN ABDUCTION - An idle clicker in which you
  must abduct all the humans before zooming off
  into space.  Aesthetically pleasing and
  addictive, but at least you can complete it in
  under 15 minutes, so you don't get to the "I'm
  wasting my life and can't stop!" stage of these
  at their worst.
https://kindanice.itch.io/ufo-clicker

  * WORD PROCESSING FUN - Word, but designed as an
  executive toy rather than a boring bit of work
  software.  Take a nice relaxing walk with your
  words, and enjoy the comforting tap of the
  typewriter as you stroll along.  All play and no
  work word processing - Jack Torrance would
  approve.
https://ludipe.itch.io/this-is-not-word

  * SOMETHING FOR YOU CUNTS TO LISTEN TO - we're
  enjoying this 1979 Japanese LP which sounds a
  bit like Nintendo music played by a real band.
  You know, the summery island level stuff.
https://www.youtube.com/watch

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Some ideas to kick you in the brain balls

  * POP, POPPING-OFF CLOCK - with the death of
  David Crosby on our minds, some sort of
  depressing death clock that lists all the
  legendary 60s musicians we have left, and how
  many are gone.

  * ALARMING SATIRE - Create your
  police-rapist-hiding-in-plain-sight name by
  adding something scary like Psycho or Murderer
  or Rapist to a blokey version of your own first
  name. Ok, maybe not.

  * 8008135 - a web project dedicated to spotting
  vaguely amusing numbers and number plates.

  Send your projects to the Magic Donkey:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
  Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
  H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
  Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
  Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
  Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
  Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
  Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
  Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
  Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
  mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
  OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
  Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
  Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
  pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
  Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
  RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
  sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
  McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
  Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
  Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
  Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
  Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
  Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
  Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
  Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
  Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
  James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
  Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
  Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
  Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
  Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
  Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
  Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
  Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
  Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
  FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
  Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
  Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
  madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
  Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
  Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
  Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
  Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
  help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
  by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You're welcome - Kat)

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
  love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
  - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
  Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
  Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
  and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
  McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
  Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
  PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
  Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
  the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
  to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
  appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
  Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
  Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
  Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
  YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
  Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
  you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
  Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx.

  And do please donate as you get occasional
  "bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

-------------------------------------------------

: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
  
  "As a naive 21 year old, I was followed down a
  street in Amsterdam by a man repeatedly saying
  'Charlie?' I answered, 'No, Jeremy' because that
  is my name."

 
« previous issue