NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER THAT REFUSES TO PRESENT MATCH OF THE DAY EVERY WEEK"
This Week:
* EVENT - Go to Chris Barker’s thing ok?
* AI - why it is / isn't coming for your shit games
* NEW CHALLENGE - Birds and LPs finally as one concept
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____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're sitting on arses
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | refusing to save the web
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| coz it's shite init"
B3ta email 851 - 10th March 2023
Ask your priest to read this issue at your funeral:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue852
Subscribe: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making their dogs disappointed
* COMEDY / ART EVENT - Please go to
@christhebarker's art launch on the 16th. Your
editor will be there and also giving a short
talk where he'll tell you that Chris is a
genius & give you a bit of background on his
20 odd years of contributing to B3ta, before
Chris takes over and talks through his art
https://museumofcomedy.ticketsolve.com/ticketbooth...
* AI IS BRILLIANT PART 12 - your editor tried
to have a go at asking ChatGTP to create a
game as good as 'Sumplete' and it went very
badly indeed and provides hope that AI isn't
taking over the world just yet, although, to
be fair, it absolutely is.
https://github.com/robmanuel/tangled-tiles
* NEW CHALLENGE: BIRDS - we've bunged up a new
challenge and it's going pretty well, making
album covers out of birds, and there's already
87 entries. Keep at it lads and ladies - let's
crack 100.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/birdalbums/popular/
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some fine threads ok?
Each week we implore you to buy some clothes
from Hebtroco as they sponsor this very
newsletter. Each item is made in the UK to the
highest standards, built to last and an ideal
present for the difficult man in your life who
you can't buy anything right for.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
Your fessions pulled out like shitty love
beads
Each week you wank into a bin and we fish for
lumps and ask the internet "does this look
right to you?"
* TELETUBBIES SAY OH NO - "My husband has
started whispering 'Time for tubby custard'
just before he orgasms. I don't know how much
longer I can stay with him."
* RING - "I've trained the cat to use the
video doorbell when she wants to come in. She
stands on the little ledge under the bell and
hits it until it goes off. I was all proud of
her until people in the same style houses
started posting videos of her setting their
bells off at all hours."
* YOUR NEW HOBBY "I've made stickers of QR
codes that point to classic shock sites like
Tubgirl, Meatspin and Lemon Party and whenever
I spot a QR code on a menu or an advert on the
tube, I stick one over it. There's also the
odd Rickroll as a treat because I'm not a
monster."
Follow the Twitter account that James Blunt
has quote tweeted for clout at least three
times.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
* BUY THE BOOK - it's only about seven quid
which is the same price as a tomato what with
prices today hashtag satire.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
* FESSHOLE LIVE EDINBURGH - buy a ticket and
stick the 25th of April in your diaries so you
can stand outside and boycott our show for
being "unclean" and "not using my confession
you bastards"
https://www.designmynight.com/edinburgh/whats-on/c...
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: FRIDAY GAME(s)
Sumplete
Genuinely enjoying this game created by AI and
have gone back to it several times to have
just one more go.
https://sumplete.com/
BONUS CONTENT: This lists some of the best
HTML5 stuff of the last few years - very fancy
but is it as good as Cursor Love Bunny? No.
https://webgamer.io
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Max 3 links per customer
* AI ART TOY - Turn your rubbish doodle into
slightly less rubbish ai art coping the same
shapes. Loads of fun, we recommend getting to
try drawing Hitler.
https://scribblediffusion.com/
* REALISTIC PATRICK BATEMAN'S BUSINESS CARD
SIMULATOR 2000 - pop on an expensive suit,
press play on a Phil Collins CD, and create
your ideal business card in the perfect shade
of off-white with this Patrick Bateman design
studio.
https://americpsychcard.github.io
* LIMMY VS APPLE LOGIC PISSING AROUND - Limmy
has uploaded a playlist of his techno cover
versions, in which he puts a donk on a
disparate selection of tunes. It's all an
entertaining listen, but his cover of Creep is
perfect and really needs a full length
version, preferably with Andy Bell on vocals.
https://youtube.com/playlist
* THIS DX7 CART DOES NOT EXIST - niche but a
cute idea where a cart that can be plugged
into an old synth is randomly created. You'll
need to do a bit of setting up to get anything
out of this but it's fun to think about.
https://www.thisdx7cartdoesnotexist.com/
* RUDE SONGS - a guide to some of the rudest
recordings of the past. This is like listening
to the constant monologue inside our heads.
https://mulberryhall.medium.com/odd-this-day-3b304...
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from Modernise Books challenge
In what is probably the best challenge of
recent times, modernise books is classic B3ta
and here's our three absolute favs:
* Monkeon on modern dating
https://b3ta.com/board/11387773
* Ah fuck it, Monkeon again on modern shopping
https://b3ta.com/board/11387588
* And of course Ninj on otters
https://b3ta.com/board/11387985
Make sure you check it all out because classic
B3ta like this only comes around about twice a
year:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/modernisebooks/popular/
So now it's time to follow it up, can we have
another good challenge? Well remaking LPs with
birds is surprisingly good - the RUN DMC one
alone has potential to be an image that could
lurk around on the internet for years to come.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/birdalbums/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* COFFEE POD ART - each day millions of coffee
pods are binned adding to the useless plastic
waste in the world. Could you make huge pixel
art from yours? Or maybe Devo-style hats for
your army of pet rats?
* RATE MY FUNERAL - a website for finding
interesting funerals to watch online, it's
slightly odd but voyeuristically interesting
that you can just find old streaming funerals
from the last few years and have a watch.
* GOOGLE BOX - a weekly TV show where you
watch people struggling to google simple
things and a family takes the piss out of
them. Presented by Nick Beggs from, wait for
it, Kagagoogle.
Don't be a failer, use the mailer:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
(You're welcome - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and PJ. Ooooh
and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank
you to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall,
Gillian Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan
Norton. Thank you, you kind humans. And...
Leighton Stevenson, Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil
Bennett. Thx. BONUS THANKS: Gillian Parrott,
Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
"My wife & I don't have a 'side' in our bed.
Whoever goes to bed just picks a side & that's
theirs for the night. Not sure I can tell any
friends or family as they'd probably think
we're murderers."
