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NEWSLETTER: "JESUS WEPT THIS IS LATE COZ WE WERE PLAYING WITH GTP4 - SORRY"

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This Week:
* SCIENCE - How many chips for your money at McDs?
* CHALLENGE - Politise TV
* OH FUCK IT - Best of @fesshole as usual

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shaving the yak
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  each and every week
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  ... together as usual"

B3ta email 853 - 17 Mar 2023

Read this issue using a circuit-bent Prof Hawking:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue853

Subscribe: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK 
  Other than making sinister "white jam"

  * MCDONALDS CHIP SCIENCE - JiummerUK has been
  doing  science on McDonalds fries to work out
  the  sweet spot of getting the most thinly
  sliced  fried spuds for your cash. 
https://jimmeruk.com/words/the-mcdonalds-fries-the...

  * COMIC KICKSTARTER - Chris Barker wants you
  to  bung in a tenner or whatever to crowd fund
  his  comic. BTW: We did the gig, it was fun. 
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/dregs/dregs-o...

  * IMDB LIST THING - Klaas Leussink writes, "I
  made  a thing, and thought I'd share it with
  you  because perhaps it's something for the
  b3ta  newsletter" Ok, this allows you to
  compare  two IMDB lists which isn't something
  this  newsletter needs to do but hey, we're not
  you,  maybe this is your bag.
https://code.hnldesign.nl/moviematch/

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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
  Buy some jeans ok?

  Look. You probably haven't bought any new
  clothes  since 1990 and really you should do
  something  about that. Hebtro make stuff in the
  UK,  that's built to last, and looks kinda cool
  and  will make you more likely to pull, if
  you're  still trying to pull. Go on, help out
  B3ta  newsletter sponsor, by buying their
  threads.
https://hebtro.co/new/

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: FESSHOLE
  Festering confessions to fess up 

  Each week we ask you to shit into a bucket and
  we  fish out a few lumps on our own revived
  version  of ratemypoo and here's our fav three
  turds  this week:

  * REVENGE "I hated the couple next door. They
  were  rude, loud and let their dogs shit
  everywhere.  I put a note in their letterbox
  that  said 'he's cheating on you'. The house
  went  up for sale shortly after. I now have a
  nice,  old lady as a neighbour."

  * PARENTING 101 - "My daughter was kicked out
  from  TikTok because she's only 10. I reported
  her  account and got her kicked out. She
  doesn't  know, neither does my wife."

  * TEACHING - "I work at a school and had the
  job  of putting a time capsule together to
  celebrate  the diamond jubilee. After the
  well-attended  burial ceremony I found I'd
  forgot  to put any of the items in the capsule.
  I've  never told anyone. I think of the empty
  capsule  at least 3 times a day."

  Jesus wept, if you haven't followed this
  cursed  account by now, God help you:
https://twitter.com/fesshole/

  Buy the book, it's only £6.49, you can't even
  buy  10 cigs for that these days.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb

  We're on tour, with four dates coming up in
  Edinburgh,  Belfast, Bristol and Manchester.
  There  will be badges.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Here you go. Some okay ones from a meh pile.

  * WIKIPEDIA CLOCK - this converts the current
  time  into a date and gives you some facts
  about  what was going on that year.  A flaw in
  this  design means that after 20:23, there's
  not  an awful lot of things for it to tell you
  about,  but a nice idea nevertheless. 
https://chronologyclock.com

  * MICHAEL JACKSON DIORAMA - Bobby Fingers
  continues  to create the best content on the
  internet  and proves that committing to your
  ideas,  however odd, can produce incredible
  results.  
https://www.youtube.com/watch

  * ARTISTS AGAINST AI - Artists are now running
  their  pics through software to try to fool
  AIs,  the war with the machines has started.
https://twitter.com/kortizart/status/1636136818914...

  * EVERY DOOR OPENED IN ONE DAY - Ancient web
  page  we'd not seen before. This would work for
  other  similar things, e.g. a pic of every
  button/switch  pressed. 
https://fluxus.org/FluxusMidwest/doorknobs/

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: FRIDAY GAME(s)
  Two for the price of one

  * BANSHEES RETRO GAME - The excellent Banshees
  of  Inisherin now has its own game.  Even if
  you  haven't seen the film, the motive of
  having  to avoid neighbours you don't want to
  talk  to feels like the sort of daft premise
  Mastertronic  would have snapped up in 1986,
  albeit  with a more Ronseal name like
  Antisocial  Arthur. (This split the secret B3ta
  team,  Monkeon loved it, Matt Round thought it
  was  weak and Rob had the deciding vote and
  threw  it in.)
https://bansheesthegame.com

  * DADAGRAMS - Everyone copied the
  one-game-a-day  format, but we prefer this new
  innovation  in online puzzling where everyone
  gets  to play against someone's dad. The fact
  that  he's not particularly good at the game
  only  makes it sweeter.
https://dadagrams.com

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  bird albums

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * Sivle Weathercock tackled RUN DMC with
  penguins:  
http://b3ta.com/board/11388340

  * LS18 tackle the secret geese in Footloose:
https://b3ta.com/board/11388228

  * OCTO brought in everyone's favourite child
  enthusiast  and wearer of white socks:
https://b3ta.com/board/11388142

  * See all the other images from the 'bird
  albums'  challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/birdalbums/popular


  >> This week: Politicise TV <<
  BBC bias is in the news again so let's go all
  in  and politicise all TV with every party.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/politicisetv/popular

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Some ideas to kick you off

  * LONG HORSE -  Just reading about Hyper
  Sports,  an old arcade game, where you waggled
  the  joystick to go faster kind-of-thing.
  Anyway,  there's a level called Long Horse, &
  wouldn't  it have been great if you just
  waggled  your stick & the horse got longer? 
  
  * CAN YOU GET THE TELEGRAPH TO PUBLISH YOUR
  OWN  BORIS COLUMN? - it would be amusing to
  submit  a few columns by "Boris Johnson" or
  whoever  to a newspaper. If you can work out
  which  editor deals with which columnist and
  find  their email, having seen how these places
  are  run, the chances of this getting through
  are  not zero.

  * SOME SORT OF FUNNY THING - that's not
  totally  topical but relevant, so that people
  click  on it but the traffic isn't burnt out in
  a  day like 'Realistic Rwanda Concentration
  Camp  Simulator', god that sounds horrible,
  don't  make that.
  
  Don't be a failer, use our mailer:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE*  *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES*  *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES,  CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE,  CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH,  MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN,  WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT  MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee  burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam  Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield,  Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar,  Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie  Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed,  Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister,  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks,  Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave  Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley,  David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills,  Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric  von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James,  Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich,  Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain  Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian  Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James  Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart,  Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling,  Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally,  Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster,  John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans,  Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad  Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway,  Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan,  Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew  Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes,  midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret,  Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes,  Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman,  Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda,  Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard  Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie  Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem  Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon  Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon  waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey,  Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl,  Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams,  Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil  Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood,  Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris  Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel  Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey,  Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes,  John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis,  Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders,  George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin  Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah  Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh,  Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell,  Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody,  Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin  Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey,  Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl  Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan  Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom  Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood,  David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair  Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson,  Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples,  Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry,  Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael  Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter  royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim  Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny  Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson,  Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling,  Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom,  Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound,  Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John  Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond,  David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma  Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher,  Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti,  Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M,  Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc  Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael  Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel  Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter  Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham,  Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert  Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner,  Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley,  Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason,  Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom  Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner,  Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward,  Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths,  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant,  Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn,  Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional  links; HappyToast for image
  challenge  help; and Dr Dunno for extra
  support.  Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
  (You're  welcome - Kat)

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke,  Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley.  Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion  Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER  ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw,  Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic,  Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith,  Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell.  And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver,  James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay  Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave  Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
  special  love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
  NEW  NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
  Jobling  & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
  Douglas  Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
  We  love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
  Alex  Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
  Blanchard  - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
  and  Damion Brown and Ross Carter and PJ. Ooooh
  and  John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
  Corcoran.  Love you. And a special thank you to
  the  super generous Paul Topping. And a thank
  you  to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
  appreciated  Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
  Murray  Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
  Blarg.  YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
  Attila  Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
  YOU.  And new new thanks to Dale Goodall,
  Gillian  Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan
  Norton.  Thank you, you kind humans. And...
  Leighton  Stevenson, Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil
  Bennett.  Thx. BONUS THANKS: Gillian Parrott,
  Funny_hat  & Gub~gub.

  And do please donate as you get occasional
  "bonus"  content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

-------------------------------------------------

: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE

  "I live alone, so when I go for my weekly food
  shop  I always make sure I buy two carrots or
  two  cucumbers for example, because I don't
  want  people to think I'm only buying one to go
  home  to shove it up my arse"

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