NEWSLETTER: "JESUS WEPT THIS IS LATE COZ WE WERE PLAYING WITH GTP4 - SORRY"
This Week:
* SCIENCE - How many chips for your money at McDs?
* CHALLENGE - Politise TV
* OH FUCK IT - Best of @fesshole as usual
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shaving the yak
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | each and every week
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together as usual"
B3ta email 853 - 17 Mar 2023
Read this issue using a circuit-bent Prof Hawking:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue853
Subscribe: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making sinister "white jam"
* MCDONALDS CHIP SCIENCE - JiummerUK has been
doing science on McDonalds fries to work out
the sweet spot of getting the most thinly
sliced fried spuds for your cash.
https://jimmeruk.com/words/the-mcdonalds-fries-the...
* COMIC KICKSTARTER - Chris Barker wants you
to bung in a tenner or whatever to crowd fund
his comic. BTW: We did the gig, it was fun.
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/dregs/dregs-o...
* IMDB LIST THING - Klaas Leussink writes, "I
made a thing, and thought I'd share it with
you because perhaps it's something for the
b3ta newsletter" Ok, this allows you to
compare two IMDB lists which isn't something
this newsletter needs to do but hey, we're not
you, maybe this is your bag.
https://code.hnldesign.nl/moviematch/
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some jeans ok?
Look. You probably haven't bought any new
clothes since 1990 and really you should do
something about that. Hebtro make stuff in the
UK, that's built to last, and looks kinda cool
and will make you more likely to pull, if
you're still trying to pull. Go on, help out
B3ta newsletter sponsor, by buying their
threads.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
Festering confessions to fess up
Each week we ask you to shit into a bucket and
we fish out a few lumps on our own revived
version of ratemypoo and here's our fav three
turds this week:
* REVENGE "I hated the couple next door. They
were rude, loud and let their dogs shit
everywhere. I put a note in their letterbox
that said 'he's cheating on you'. The house
went up for sale shortly after. I now have a
nice, old lady as a neighbour."
* PARENTING 101 - "My daughter was kicked out
from TikTok because she's only 10. I reported
her account and got her kicked out. She
doesn't know, neither does my wife."
* TEACHING - "I work at a school and had the
job of putting a time capsule together to
celebrate the diamond jubilee. After the
well-attended burial ceremony I found I'd
forgot to put any of the items in the capsule.
I've never told anyone. I think of the empty
capsule at least 3 times a day."
Jesus wept, if you haven't followed this
cursed account by now, God help you:
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
Buy the book, it's only £6.49, you can't even
buy 10 cigs for that these days.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
We're on tour, with four dates coming up in
Edinburgh, Belfast, Bristol and Manchester.
There will be badges.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Here you go. Some okay ones from a meh pile.
* WIKIPEDIA CLOCK - this converts the current
time into a date and gives you some facts
about what was going on that year. A flaw in
this design means that after 20:23, there's
not an awful lot of things for it to tell you
about, but a nice idea nevertheless.
https://chronologyclock.com
* MICHAEL JACKSON DIORAMA - Bobby Fingers
continues to create the best content on the
internet and proves that committing to your
ideas, however odd, can produce incredible
results.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* ARTISTS AGAINST AI - Artists are now running
their pics through software to try to fool
AIs, the war with the machines has started.
https://twitter.com/kortizart/status/1636136818914...
* EVERY DOOR OPENED IN ONE DAY - Ancient web
page we'd not seen before. This would work for
other similar things, e.g. a pic of every
button/switch pressed.
https://fluxus.org/FluxusMidwest/doorknobs/
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: FRIDAY GAME(s)
Two for the price of one
* BANSHEES RETRO GAME - The excellent Banshees
of Inisherin now has its own game. Even if
you haven't seen the film, the motive of
having to avoid neighbours you don't want to
talk to feels like the sort of daft premise
Mastertronic would have snapped up in 1986,
albeit with a more Ronseal name like
Antisocial Arthur. (This split the secret B3ta
team, Monkeon loved it, Matt Round thought it
was weak and Rob had the deciding vote and
threw it in.)
https://bansheesthegame.com
* DADAGRAMS - Everyone copied the
one-game-a-day format, but we prefer this new
innovation in online puzzling where everyone
gets to play against someone's dad. The fact
that he's not particularly good at the game
only makes it sweeter.
https://dadagrams.com
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
bird albums
Here's the best images from last week:
* Sivle Weathercock tackled RUN DMC with
penguins:
http://b3ta.com/board/11388340
* LS18 tackle the secret geese in Footloose:
https://b3ta.com/board/11388228
* OCTO brought in everyone's favourite child
enthusiast and wearer of white socks:
https://b3ta.com/board/11388142
* See all the other images from the 'bird
albums' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/birdalbums/popular
>> This week: Politicise TV <<
BBC bias is in the news again so let's go all
in and politicise all TV with every party.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/politicisetv/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* LONG HORSE - Just reading about Hyper
Sports, an old arcade game, where you waggled
the joystick to go faster kind-of-thing.
Anyway, there's a level called Long Horse, &
wouldn't it have been great if you just
waggled your stick & the horse got longer?
* CAN YOU GET THE TELEGRAPH TO PUBLISH YOUR
OWN BORIS COLUMN? - it would be amusing to
submit a few columns by "Boris Johnson" or
whoever to a newspaper. If you can work out
which editor deals with which columnist and
find their email, having seen how these places
are run, the chances of this getting through
are not zero.
* SOME SORT OF FUNNY THING - that's not
totally topical but relevant, so that people
click on it but the traffic isn't burnt out in
a day like 'Realistic Rwanda Concentration
Camp Simulator', god that sounds horrible,
don't make that.
Don't be a failer, use our mailer:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
(You're welcome - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and PJ. Ooooh
and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank
you to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall,
Gillian Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan
Norton. Thank you, you kind humans. And...
Leighton Stevenson, Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil
Bennett. Thx. BONUS THANKS: Gillian Parrott,
Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
"I live alone, so when I go for my weekly food
shop I always make sure I buy two carrots or
two cucumbers for example, because I don't
want people to think I'm only buying one to go
home to shove it up my arse"
