NEWSLETTER: "YOUR EBAY ORDER FOR 15 ZX SPECTRUM GAMES AND VASELINE HAS ARRIVED"
This Week:
* CHALLENGE RESULTS - Politicise TV
* COMMODORE PET - New game released at last
* SHAKIN' STEVENS - in OK song shock
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | with the Woolwich
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta email 855 - 31 Mar 2023
Read this issue pretending to be Bono's audiobook:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue855
Subscribe, you bastards: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than about 15 poos and wees
* PEOPLE WHO STAND IN THE DOOR ARE THE WORST -
MJ Hibbett has done one of his song things, and
not to diss the song, but the reason we're
linking it is we really like the video. Neat
idea - bunging himself in famous photos like
Zelig or that Forrest Gump.
https://b3ta.com/links/People_who_stand_in_the_doo...
* MYST-EM-UP - Dumbdestroy7 writes, "Thought you
might find this funny. Myst is one of the most
cerebral, meditative and thoughtful games ever
made. So we decided to fix all that by turning
it into an action-packed FPS." We haven't got a
clue what's going on but shooting things is
exciting so, pew-pew!, it's in.
https://woe-industries.itch.io/myst-fps
* BAKED BEANS ARE BACK - Si Bennett has
relaunched his old beany song and writes, "after
10 years they are now slightly better animated."
We still fucking hate beans, not this song, but
actual beans. Ew!
https://b3ta.com/links/baked_beans_are_back
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
How stuff is made
Hebtro have made a short film to show you how
much work and effort goes into making their
stuff. Worth a quick watch to any doubters who
think it all just happens by magic once you
click a button on a website.
https://twitter.com/hebtroco/status/16367236059070...
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: FESSHOLE
Your fesses expurgated like bum vomit
Each week your sprew your bollocks into a bucket
and we fish around it a bit and pick out a few
chunks and ask the internet, please, do not
reply "didn't happen"
* SLICKER VICAR - "I'm a Vicar in the CofE. I
use ChatGPT to write my sermons and - according
to multiple parishioners - I'm preaching
brilliantly every week. I'd feel guilty but the
stipend is piss poor and this frees up many
hours per week to actually do proper pastoral
parish work. Fuck it."
* SEE THE LIGHT - "Not really my confession but
my friend's partner just split with her in a
really unpleasant way. When she went back to get
some clothes when he was out, she wrote 'Cunt'
on every page of his passport in UV pen. Gonna
make his first foreign holiday more
interesting."
* YOU COMPLETE COUNT - "I just told my boss I'd
saved 22 grand on a project. Turns out most of
that was because 17 grand of it was formatted as
text not numbers in the spreadsheet."
Join the 933,000 people who've mistaken this
account for that funny one which posts clips of
Bono mispronouncing meat products.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
Your might as well buy the book, it costs
absolutely fuck all at £6.49 and the paper is
quite tasty if you like eating paper.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
And yes, we're doing shows. We've got Edinburgh,
Belfast, Bristol and Manchester coming. Be there
because it'll probably be a bit funny if you
like that sort of thing.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Content made by people who we don't "know"
* WATCH THE BIRDY - the internet of things is
usually expensive shit, but this live feed of
smart bird feeders from around America is an
enjoyable watch, so well done expensive bird
feeder company. Now just need those
disappointing old web-cam bird boxes to
broadcast us their lo-res footage of unexpected
wasp nests from around Britain.
https://live.mybirdbuddy.com
* STORY SHAPES - Mildly interesting AI project
of the week is this one that generates what Kurt
Vonnegut called "Story Shapes" for a variety of
classic literature. Still would have been more
fun for an artist who enjoys books to have done
it by hand, but we're not allowed that sort of
thing any more.
https://superb-owl.link/shapes-of-stories/#1513
* 3D ROTATING SANDWICHES - lukehall.co writes,
"Crisp sandwiches are somewhat under-represented
here but I thought B3tans might appreciate this
anyway." Some might, the ones spinning in their
graves.
https://rotatingsandwiches.com/
* SHAKIN' STEVENS - we're rather enjoying this
new single from Shaky that's all rather dark and
has him embodying the evil spirit of corporate
capitalism. A communist in his youth apparently,
so that explains it, good luck to the old door
botherer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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: FRIDAY GAME(s)
Minesorter and Minter
* MINESORTER - An ungodly mash-up of
Minesweeper and erm... File Explorer. Drag
those mines into the correct folder before they
explode. They should make an .exe version that
actually deletes your files if you fail - give
it a bit more peril. Next week: X-Tree Gold
mashed up with Leisure Suit Larry.
https://saturnyoshi.itch.io/minesorter
* MINTER - Jeff Minter has recreated a lost game
he did for Commodore PET, a very simple concept
which we've not seen before and rather enjoyed.
No sheep were harmed in the making of this
content. We hope.
https://archive.org/details/deflex-remake
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Politicise TV
Absolutely stunning offer of a B3ta challenge
this week, politicise TV has delivered in
spades:
* Smallbrainfield managed three entries in one:
http://b3ta.com/board/11389191
* @lexistwit has made something that would
probably sell a few thousands copies at
Christmas, well last Christmas as politics moves
fast:
https://b3ta.com/board/11389707
* Monkeon has pointed out the a certain ex
Labour leader is quite useful:
https://b3ta.com/board/11389613
* See all the other images from the 'Politicise
TV' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/politicisetv/popular
>> This week: Literal Places <<
Turn a location into a picture, show us your
literal places.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/literalplaces/popular
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
Follow ups on previous stories
* CHIPS IN PAPERS - JimmerUk calculated the best
way to buy chips and reached the heady-heights
of LadBible, The Metro, and CityAM (a medium
wave radio station owned by Notts City)
https://www.cityam.com/you-have-been-ordering-mcdo...
* FESSHOLE AGAIN - one tweet got written up by
someone at the Big Issue, although we're not
sure how to give them four quid before saying
"nah, you keep it", seeing as it's free on the
internet.
https://www.bigissue.com/culture/music/rentaghost-...
* BLUE BADGERS - Synthophile 'Look Mum No
Computer' has briefly mentioned Weebl's Badger
song, which has alerted us that it's 20 years
old this year. But how to celebrate? Jonti is
looking for ideas.
https://twitter.com/LOOKMUMNOCMPUTR/status/1641757...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to inspire your penis to make art
* NEPO BABY ALERT - a Chrome plugin that adds
[NEPO BABY] after the name of any person in the
public eye whose parents have a Wikipedia page
and then links to it.
* BECOME A PLACKSMITH - Every high street should
have a plasticmonger - a nerd that sits in a
shop with a 3D printer who can make the little
plastic bits that have broken or gone missing in
things like beard clippers so you don't have to
buy a whole new one.
* SENTIENT TOILET - a 1980s text adventure where
you really need to pee but the loo has an AI
brain and really doesn't want you to pee on it.
Oh don't be a bollock, talk to us:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You're welcome - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
SPITE CLUB - "If my place doesn't give us a
decent pay rise, the senior team salaries
spreadsheet is going to get left on the printer
again. And again."
