we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: "YOUR EBAY ORDER FOR 15 ZX SPECTRUM GAMES AND VASELINE HAS ARRIVED"

next issue »
« previous issue

This Week:
* CHALLENGE RESULTS - Politicise TV
* COMMODORE PET - New game released at last
* SHAKIN' STEVENS - in OK song shock
-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   with the Woolwich
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"

B3ta email 855 - 31 Mar 2023

Read this issue pretending to be Bono's audiobook:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue855

Subscribe, you bastards: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK 
  Other than about 15 poos and wees

  * PEOPLE WHO STAND IN THE DOOR ARE THE WORST -
  MJ Hibbett has done one of his song things, and
  not to diss the song, but the reason we're
  linking it is we really like the video. Neat
  idea - bunging himself in famous photos like
  Zelig or that Forrest Gump.
https://b3ta.com/links/People_who_stand_in_the_doo...

  * MYST-EM-UP - Dumbdestroy7 writes, "Thought you
  might find this funny. Myst is one of the most
  cerebral, meditative and thoughtful games ever
  made. So we decided to fix all that by turning
  it into an action-packed FPS." We haven't got a
  clue what's going on but shooting things is
  exciting so, pew-pew!,  it's in.
https://woe-industries.itch.io/myst-fps

  * BAKED BEANS ARE BACK - Si Bennett has
  relaunched his old beany song and writes, "after
  10 years they are now slightly better animated."
  We still fucking hate beans, not this song, but
  actual beans. Ew!
https://b3ta.com/links/baked_beans_are_back

-------------------------------------------------

: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
  How stuff is made
  
  Hebtro have made a short film to show you how
  much work and effort goes into making their
  stuff. Worth a quick watch to any doubters who
  think it all just happens by magic once you
  click a button on a website. 
https://twitter.com/hebtroco/status/16367236059070...

-------------------------------------------------

: FESSHOLE
  Your fesses expurgated like bum vomit

  Each week your sprew your bollocks into a bucket
  and we fish around it a bit and pick out a few
  chunks and ask the internet, please, do not
  reply "didn't happen"

  * SLICKER VICAR - "I'm a Vicar in the CofE. I
  use ChatGPT to write my sermons and - according
  to multiple parishioners - I'm preaching
  brilliantly every week. I'd feel guilty but the
  stipend is piss poor and this frees up many
  hours per week to actually do proper pastoral
  parish work. Fuck it."

  * SEE THE LIGHT - "Not really my confession but
  my friend's partner just split with her in a
  really unpleasant way. When she went back to get
  some clothes when he was out, she wrote 'Cunt'
  on every page of his passport in UV pen. Gonna
  make his first foreign holiday more
  interesting."

  * YOU COMPLETE COUNT - "I just told my boss I'd
  saved 22 grand on a project. Turns out most of
  that was because 17 grand of it was formatted as
  text not numbers in the spreadsheet."

  Join the 933,000 people who've mistaken this
  account for that funny one which posts clips of
  Bono mispronouncing meat products.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/

  Your might as well buy the book, it costs
  absolutely fuck all at £6.49 and the paper is
  quite tasty if you like eating paper.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb

  And yes, we're doing shows. We've got Edinburgh,
  Belfast, Bristol and Manchester coming. Be there
  because it'll probably be a bit funny if you
  like that sort of thing.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Content made by people who we don't "know" 

  * WATCH THE BIRDY - the internet of things is
  usually expensive shit, but this live feed of
  smart bird feeders from around America is an
  enjoyable watch, so well done expensive bird
  feeder company.  Now just need those
  disappointing old web-cam bird boxes to
  broadcast us their lo-res footage of unexpected
  wasp nests from around Britain.
https://live.mybirdbuddy.com

  * STORY SHAPES - Mildly interesting AI project
  of the week is this one that generates what Kurt
  Vonnegut called "Story Shapes" for a variety of
  classic literature.  Still would have been more
  fun for an artist who enjoys books to have done
  it by hand, but we're not allowed that sort of
  thing any more.
https://superb-owl.link/shapes-of-stories/#1513

  * 3D ROTATING SANDWICHES - lukehall.co writes,
  "Crisp sandwiches are somewhat under-represented
  here but I thought B3tans might appreciate this
  anyway." Some might, the ones spinning in their
  graves. 
https://rotatingsandwiches.com/

  * SHAKIN' STEVENS - we're rather enjoying this
  new single from Shaky that's all rather dark and
  has him embodying the evil spirit of corporate
  capitalism. A communist in his youth apparently,
  so that explains it, good luck to the old door
  botherer. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME(s)
  Minesorter and Minter

  * MINESORTER - An ungodly  mash-up of
  Minesweeper and erm... File Explorer.  Drag
  those mines into the correct folder before they
  explode.  They should make an .exe version that
  actually deletes your files if you fail - give
  it a bit more peril. Next week: X-Tree Gold
  mashed up with Leisure Suit Larry. 
https://saturnyoshi.itch.io/minesorter

  * MINTER - Jeff Minter has recreated a lost game
  he did for Commodore PET, a very simple concept
  which we've not seen before and rather enjoyed.
  No sheep were harmed in the making of this
  content. We hope.
https://archive.org/details/deflex-remake

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Politicise TV

  Absolutely stunning offer of a B3ta challenge
  this week, politicise TV has delivered in
  spades:

  * Smallbrainfield managed three entries in one:
http://b3ta.com/board/11389191

  * @lexistwit has made something that would
  probably sell a few thousands copies at
  Christmas, well last Christmas as politics moves
  fast:
https://b3ta.com/board/11389707

  * Monkeon has pointed out the a certain ex
  Labour leader is quite useful:
https://b3ta.com/board/11389613

  * See all the other images from the 'Politicise
  TV' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/politicisetv/popular

  >> This week: Literal Places <<
  Turn a location into a picture, show us your
  literal places.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/literalplaces/popular

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
  Follow ups on previous stories

  * CHIPS IN PAPERS - JimmerUk calculated the best
  way to buy chips and reached the heady-heights
  of LadBible, The Metro, and CityAM (a medium
  wave radio station owned by Notts City)
https://www.cityam.com/you-have-been-ordering-mcdo...

  * FESSHOLE AGAIN - one tweet got written up by
  someone at the Big Issue, although we're not
  sure how to give them four quid before saying
  "nah, you keep it", seeing as it's free on the
  internet. 
https://www.bigissue.com/culture/music/rentaghost-...

  * BLUE BADGERS - Synthophile 'Look Mum No
  Computer' has briefly mentioned Weebl's Badger
  song, which has alerted us that it's 20 years
  old this year. But how to celebrate? Jonti is
  looking for ideas.
https://twitter.com/LOOKMUMNOCMPUTR/status/1641757...

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Some ideas to inspire your penis to make art

  * NEPO BABY ALERT - a Chrome plugin that adds
  [NEPO BABY] after the name of any person in the
  public eye whose parents have a Wikipedia page
  and then links to it.

  * BECOME A PLACKSMITH - Every high street should
  have a plasticmonger - a nerd that sits in a
  shop with a 3D printer who can make the little
  plastic bits that have broken or gone missing in
  things like beard clippers so you don't have to
  buy a whole new one.

  * SENTIENT TOILET - a 1980s text adventure where
  you really need to pee but the loo has an AI
  brain and really doesn't want you to pee on it.

  Oh don't be a bollock, talk to us:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
  Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
  H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
  Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
  Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
  Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
  Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
  Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
  Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
  Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
  mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
  OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
  Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
  Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
  pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
  Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
  RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
  sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
  McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
  Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
  Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
  Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
  Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
  Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
  Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
  Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
  Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
  James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
  Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
  Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
  Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
  Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
  Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
  Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
  Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
  Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
  FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
  Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
  Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
  madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
  Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
  Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
  Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
  Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
  help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
  by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You're welcome - Kat)

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
  love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
  - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
  Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
  Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
  and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
  McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
  Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
  PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
  Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
  the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
  to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
  appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
  Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
  Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
  Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
  YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
  Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
  you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
  Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
  THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.

  And do please donate as you get occasional
  "bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

-------------------------------------------------

: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
  
  SPITE CLUB - "If my place doesn't give us a
  decent pay rise, the senior team salaries
  spreadsheet is going to get left on the printer
  again. And again."

next issue »
« previous issue