NEWSLETTER: "TURN OFF PLAYING SCRABBLE ON YOUR PHONE AND READ THIS NEWSLETTER OK?"
This Week:
* NEW CHALLENGE - Expand art better than AI
* OLD IMAGES - Restored, amazing, really
* ALAN TURING - Leave flowers for him
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | by pressing CTRL^S on a
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| a really big floppy disk"
B3ta email 863 - 2nd June 2023
Tattoo this issue on with a £50 gun via Amazon:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue863
Subscribe, fools: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: SPONSORED LINK
Learn about money stuff ok?
B3ta reader Keith Ford has written a guide to
"Improving Your Financial Health" a must-read
book for anyone looking to take control of their
finances. Keith knows what he's talking about
because he's made a few quid.
https://bit.ly/3MLG69p
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making their pets sad
* OLD IMAGES RESTORED - A few years back one of
the third-party image servers that supported
B3ta went offline and we lost a lot of
submissions. Shit, but the good news is that
we've found a chunk of it in the Internet
Archive. Wil Haddon writes, "Looks like 11,000
images have been copied over from b3tards. Still
loads more missing but it's better than it was."
So go and check out some old challenges like
this Twitter one - loads of amazing images are
there. Not all. But lots.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/twitter/
* FLOWERS FOR TURING - Joe Reddington writes,
"Every year, internet people pledge bunches of
flowers to be placed at Alan Turing's statue in
Manchester in the UK for his birthday on 23rd
June. In the process we raise money for the
amazing charity which helps people with
disabilities access computer games." Last year
B3tans contributed significantly - let’s do that
again.
https://equalitytime.github.io/FlowersForTuring/
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Hebtro have a sale on, it's time to invest
Now is your chance to buy a stripey jumper that
looks a bit like the one Dennis the Menace might
wear with 30% off the price. Get in, our
clothes-needing chums:
https://hebtro.co/its-a-sale/
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: FESSHOLE
Your fesses fessed up like a furball
Each week you wank into a Google form and we
tweet out a few to see if anyone can be bothered
to read them:
* SEXY TIME - "In my 20s, on maternity leave, I
needed some electrical work done. Electrician
was young and good looking. When he finished I
was seeing him out, when our cat slipped out. I
sternly shouted 'GET BACK HERE, YOU NAUGHTY
BOY'. The electrician turned, looked sheepish,
then quietly left. Mortified."
* REVENGE - "I've been a drama teacher for
years, recently a moderately well known actor
gave an interview where he said I had inspired
him. I barely remember him and what I do
remember, he was a total arse."
* SLOW AND SAFE WINS THE RACE - "My son in his
30s has come out after splitting with his wife.
I fully support him and I'm glad he is happy.
I'm also happy because I bet his mum when he was
6 he was gay and she collected on his wedding
day. The long game wins in the end."
Join the 974,000 people who've accidentally
followed this account thinking it's the funny
one which posts photographs of Bono with his
penises replaced with Walls Thick Prok Sausages.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
You should buy the book before coz it's only
£6.95 which makes it about the same price as a
packet of ham, sheesh, inflation really has
fucked us all.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
And of course tickets are for sale. Coming up
there's Belfast, Bristol (sold out), Newcastle,
Walthamstow and we've just announced our return
to Leicester. Hooray! It's your newsletter
editor on tour like he's Kim Wilde or something.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Your hot links for Netscape Navigator GOLD
* RELAXING SOUNDS - Fred Zeppelin writes, "This
will improve your life. Two microphones in a
wood, one above ground, the other under water.
Mix between the two and enjoy the fucking world
for once."
https://wilding.radio/
* BRIAN BUTTERFIELD SOUNDBOARD - There's not
nearly enough British comedy fan interactives on
the web (fanteractives), but this soundboard has
cut up Brian Butterfield's diet into over 50
pieces, so you can hear Brian say bon bon bon
bons as many times as you like.
https://treatday.rknight.me
* BOOZETUBE - If you've confused b3ta with
LadBible and think drinking games are actually
fun, then this app loads the subtitles of any
captioned YouTube video and allows you to select
a magic word to drink along to while watching
it.
https://boozetube.netlify.app/
* TELETEXT DOOM - Quite a pleasing Does It Run
Doom is this one they've got running on
Teletext. Now just need Mr Biffo to answer this
with a Digitiser mod for Doom.
https://github.com/lukneu/doom-teletext
* WHY IS THE NEWSLETTER LATE THIS WEEK? -
honestly it's because we bought this little
retrogaming handheld that plays loads of
consoles from the Gameboy to the Playstation and
we got addicted to some largely forgotten word
puzzle from about 1990 called WordZip. We can't
recommend the device at all, because it's
absolutely ruined our life.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0BW3QH5...
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Eurovision Films
Here's the best images from last week:
* Oh god it's Bucks Fizz with cocks, so that's a
confusing wank - thanks Octo
https://b3ta.com/board/11393571
* And speaking of confusing wanks, that bit with
the milk churn eh dads? Thanks Tribs
https://b3ta.com/board/11393684
* And we're always happy to see Terry Wogan -
thanks Mictoboy
https://b3ta.com/board/11393563
* See all the other images from the 'Eurovision
Films' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/eurovisionfilms/popular
>> This week: Expand Art <<
AI has been trying to take over our cultural
history by lying about what's outside the frame
of classic paintings. Help us to grab the AI by
the Jackson Pollocks and expand classic works of
art to show how it should be done.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/expandart/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to inspire you or for to ignore
* "WHAT'S YOUR CLOWN NAME GENERATOR" - Watching
TV with the subtitles on has made us read the
word '[chuckles]' rather too often and hence now
wonder what our clown name might be.
* WHERE DOES THE NORTH START - an interactive
offering up UK towns and asking you to say
whether it's North or South - and using that to
generate a line from aggregate data - with the
bonus of making data on how northern each city
is.
* A VERSION OF WORDLE THAT ONLY GIVES YOU ONE
GAME PER 10,000 YEARS - because really, who
gives a fuck anymore.
Send us an e-fax if you're feeling contenty:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Please make me 12 cups of
tea - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
"I and my dog - an inherited Labrador - live in
a tiny flat in London. I only have a small
shower so once a month book a hotel in London
that has a bath so I can bath my dog. Most
hotels don't allow pets so told them I am a
guide dog trainer. I'm in their company
magazine."
