NEWSLETTER: "PLAY^D^D^D^D IMAGINE THE QUIZ 'VAN MORRISON OR MORRISONS VAN' COZ WE AIN'T MAKING IT"
This Week:
* OMG - IS IT REALLY 20 YEARS OF BADGER BADGER?
* READ - The 'Deathstar Express'
* PLAY - Some sort of Countdown thingie
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B3ta email 876 - 1st Sept 2023
Read this issue beeping like R2D2:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue876
Subscribe, you donkeys: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than suspicious brown "plasticine"
* DEATHSTAR EXPRESS - Chris Barker has been
making newspaper front pages as if written in
the Star Wars universe from the point of view of
the baddies, and other b3tan JimmerUK has based
together a viewer for them. Chris writes, "Oh
look what lovely Jimmer's been doing for me.
Could you mention I might be doing a limited
print run and watch this space?" OK Chris, you
can say hello to your mum too if you like.
https://chrisbarkerprints.co.uk/deathstarexpress/
* COUNTDOWN NUMBERS ROUND - Killthelight writes,
"(Extremely) long time reader, first time
poster! Digits, which was in an earlier b3ta
newsletter, got killed off by NYT for not being
popular enough. I was sad to see it go so I
resurrected a very blatant, uh, homage to the
original. It's a daily game like Wordle except
where you do maths to make a goal number. Five
rounds each day."
https://additional.today
* JONTI PICKING is celebrating 20 years of
releasing his 'badgers badgers badgers'
animation in the B3ta newsletter by making a new
version which misses our publication day by one
day, so look out for that tomorrow on B3ta
Links, our socials or check the newsletter next
week.
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some lovely clothes, go on
Thank you @hebtroco for their wonderful
continued sponsorship of Fesshole & B3ta and
it's time to remind you that they make great
clothes, all designed and manufactured in the
UK, and designed to last, unlike fast fashion.
Ideal gifts for men or yourself.
https://hebtro.co/about/
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: FESSHOLE - Parenting special
Your parenting confessions fessed up like baby sick
Ever wondered what parents get up to once the
front door closes? Well, Fesshole is here to
tell you the TRUTH, or lies, whatever, who
knows.
* WIFE HACKS - In a few years, when the kids
leave home, the wife & I are planning to
downsize to a smaller house. She's told me I'll
need to significantly reduce my vinyl collection
- so I've started buying up cheap records I
don't want so I can 'sacrifice' them when the
time comes.
* BASTARDS - "I've enjoyed statutory paternity
leave for 4 out of the last 5 years. I'm single
and don't have any kids. Work have never checked
for proof of an actual baby, but just to be safe
I have a Googled random baby as my phone
screensaver and change it every time I become a
'Dad'"
* WE'VE ALL DONE IT - "I was an irresponsible
parent that used to smoke weed weekly. I stopped
when one night I saw my 4 year old talking to a
doppelgänger. I was so high I forgot I had
fucking twins. My shocked reaction nearly led to
a divorce with the wife."
Follow the account that's only got followers
because people mistook it for the funny one
which posts pictures of Rishi Sunak holding
hands with his mummy on the way to the shops.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
Buy the book. It's got 4.6 stars on Amazon from
457 ratings which means at least a few people
liked it because we couldn't afford to bribe
that many people.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
And of course, promo for the shows, the next up
is in Walthamstow for next Thursday and it's 95%
sold, so get in quick. And there's Cambridge,
Nottingham and Leicester coming too, in that
order, so come to those too ok, like you're
following Led Zeppelin around Britain in a
minivan in 1971.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Last of the summer WWWhine
* THE INTERNET AS IT WAS IN 2002 - Someone has
dug out 'Thomas The Wank Engine', an animation
made by early B3ta stalwart Joel Veitch 20 odd
years ago, and then taken down under legal
threats. Still, it's still pretty funny.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* MORE OLD WEB NOSTALGIA - Happy 18th Birthday
Million Dollar Homepage, a page that most people
forget was launched in this very newsletter as
Alex Tew sent to us when it had about 3 pixels
sold and then years later he found us at some
event and told us we'd kicked off everything. So
that's something to tell our grandkids who won't
care or believe us.
https://www.webdesignmuseum.org/gallery/the-millio...
* THIS PERSON CAN CODE BETTER THAN YOU -
incredible 1KB demo, glitchy in Safari for us
but ran well in Chrome.
http://www.p01.org/expi/
* BIG ON 'TICK-TOCK' - The Pudding's second
internet clock is one where the time gets
mentioned in a random YouTube video, should you
want to be told the time primarily by young
shouty extroverts and their conspiracy theorist
dads.
https://pudding.cool/projects/clocks/videos/
* MY AMIGA CRASHED AND DID THIS - This site
collects moments where code going wrong has
created an accidentally beautiful work of
digital art. The detail of what each one was
supposed to be is what makes it particularly
interesting. Well done computers, far better
work than your AI shit.
https://glitchgallery.org
* DVD GAME FOR YOU DVD GAMERS - A daft Pico game
in which you must get the DVD logo to hit a
corner of the screen by moving your telly. A
challenge which, according to KnowYourMeme, is
actually a reference to an episode of The Office
that we've never seen.
https://itseieio.itch.io/dvdlogo
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Shrink It
Our 'shrink it' challenge proved moderately
popular with 88 entries and our favs include:
* Uncle Pills completely breaking the famous
class sketch
https://b3ta.com/board/11397717
* Monkeon taking on the work of the band who
unjustly sacked Syd Barret
https://b3ta.com/board/11398016
* 'Makey Nicey Soupy' making Clint Eastwood look
like the tough guy that he is
https://b3ta.com/board/11398025
* See all the other images from the 'Shrink It'
challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/shrinkit/popular
>> This week: Beans! <<
It's a one word challenge this week. They're
good for your heart and the more you eat the
more you shart... let's photoshop BEANS. This is
going to be fucking revolting btw.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/beans/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* TRAIN TOILET DOOR SIMULATOR - Matt Round
suggests "You'd have to work out a complicated &
unclear series of locking interactions to avoid
the door sliding open while you're sat there"
* GROUNDHOG DAY MURDER GAME - we've occasionally
wondered how many people we could murder in a
day before anyone stopped us. Maybe this would
work better as a game than something we actually
do. How many bodies can you score, given it's
you, and you haven't got access to superpowers
or anything that you don't already have access
to.
* MANOGOTCHI - a game where you have to keep an
adult human fit and well by making them exercise
and eat properly, in the hope it might encourage
yourself to do the same.
Make your stuff and tell us about it, like Billy
Joel implores you:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (No problemo - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
"I'm the admin for my town's 10k member
neighbourhood watch/crime reports FB page. I'm
also a dealer and use the group to snitch
anonymously on anyone else that tries to move
gear in my area."
