NEWSLETTER: "STICK THIS IN YOUR EMAIL PIPE AND SMOKE IT BABY"
This Week:
* AUTOGRAPH QUIZ - worth the paper they are written on?
* WEEBL - Celebrate 20 years of Badger Badger
* FESSHOLE BOOK TWO - pre-order now
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | for a rainy day
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta email 877 - 11 Sep 2023
Read this issue on a 0898 number in a sex voice:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue877
Subscribe, you hams: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK #1
Other than making their pets sad
* AUTOGRAPH QUIZ - Monkeon writes, "Better late
than never - I've made your autographs quiz!"
Yay, this is an idea we popped into 'Things We'd
Like To See' a while back. He continues, "There
seems to be quite a market out there for
autographs of wronguns and the recently
deceased. I've not skewed the data toward
these. For research, I read Adam Andrusier's
book about being an autograph hunter and I'm
pretty sure that taught me enough to know the
expensive Ray Charles in the database is a
FAKE."
https://monkeon.co.uk/not-worth-the-paper-its-writ...
* CONGRATULATIONS TO WEEBL FOR 20 YEARS OF
BADGER BADGER BADGER - Your editor writes,
"Twenty years ago my then flatmate Jonti Picking
called me into his room and asked me to listen
to something, a track where he was just looping
the word 'badger' and a few other words. I
thought it was great and immediately suggested a
video idea where a toddler was hassling his mum,
tugging on her elbow going 'badger badger
badger' and she was harassed and busy and
eventually would tell the child to shush with
'mushroom mushroom'. The finale would be dad
coming in and waving his dick around 'it's a
snake! argh it's a snake!' Thankfully Jonti
completely ignored every idea I suggested and
made one of the most iconic bits of internet
animation of the era instead. Happy birthday
Badgers."
https://b3ta.com/links/20_Years_of_Badgers
* PRE-ORDER FESSHOLE BOOK TWO - Fesshole: The
New FESStament is the second coming the prophets
predicted. Order now Amazon or someone else who
doesn't build spacerockets and pay their workers
badly.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0CFG74H2...
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some lovely clothes ok?
Every week we tell you to buy some clothes from
Hebtro who sponsor us - they make fantastic
clothes, all produced in the UK and designed to
last. Go on, they make ideal birthday presents
for your male chum or even yourself.
https://hebtro.co/about/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK #1
Split in two coz lots of great stuff
* NEW BUILDINGS IN LONDON MAP - Jonty Wareing,
he who organises EMFcamp writes, "We released a
new version of our London Open House map that
doesn't suck, for the truly obsessive building
baggers. There's a button that only shows you
new things! Filter by time, so you can see a
weird flat in your lunch break! We have spent
far too much time on this. All the data and code
is public on github too."
https://openhouse.infrastructureclub.co.uk
* BEANS PHOTOSHOPS - Would you like to see 56
slightly unpleasant photoshops of baked-beans?
B3ta's got you covered. - We have a bit of a
love/hate relationship with beans at B3ta Towers
and we're enjoying our photoshop challenge which
rides the revolting valley with much queasiness.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/beans/
* REALISTIC BRITISH HOLIDAY SIMULATOR - Matt
Round is working on a new project and his notes
whilst he's working are fascinating and maybe
he's gone mad. Happens to all geniuses in the
end.
https://twitter.com/mattround/status/1697530222692...
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: FESSHOLE
Your fesses fessed up like fess sick
Each week you chat shit into a Google form and
we publish a few on Elon's petty twat machine
for some useless likes:
* CLASS WAR - "Punched the air at hearing
neighbour's son's GCSE results. She sent her son
privately at cost of almost £20k/year. My son
went to local comp. For 5 years, she's lauded
how amazing the private school is. Results day:
my son has gained a better result in every
subject. Result."
* PARENTING ADVICE - "Fifteen year old son
flatly refused to come to the theatre with us &
his little sister. He was ready to make it into
a big fight, so I just said 'Fine, no worries'.
When we left I remotely accessed the router &
blocked all his devices until the play was over.
Justice, of a sort."
* TWIN PEAKS - "I'm friends with a pair of
identical twins, both married. One drunken
night I hooked up with one of them. For the
life of me I don't know which one it was and I
don't want to ask for fear it's the other twin
and I get them in trouble."
* The Fesshole links this week goes to the best
of July, so that's worth a click, if you like
clicking things and then being moderately
amused.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/16987892078361...
* We did the London show last week so thanks to
everyone who came and Big Penny Social for
inviting us. Next is Cambridge (Oct) then
Nottingham (Nov) and then Leicester (Feb). Do
come if you fancy seeing your newsletter editor
tit about.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Your guide to the best Teletext pages
* NOT A PROJECT FOR THE COLOUR BLIND - Select
colours you associate with a word and find out
if everyone else agrees with you, or discover
that you're weird in a way you never knew
before.
https://colorword.recu3125.com
* ARE YOU AN OLD CUNT? Have you reached your
Homer point yet? I assume the answer for all
b3tans is going to be yes, but this single
purpose site will save you Googling Homer
Simpson's age to find out.
https://alexcassidy.com/are-you-older-than-homer/
* PRINCE OF PERSIA REMADE IN BROWSER - maybe
you're too old and stupid to download an
emulator, help is at hand with the etc etc.
https://princejs.com/
* ARE YOU READY TO BE MOVED? - Fascinating bit
of music made in the 1970s where someone took a
look of a homeless person singing a
half-remembered bit of gospel and then overlaid
an arrangement on it. You'll be in tears.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
Regular readers know that this section can be a
challenge to fill so this week we're going to
mentioned three day dream projects that we've
never go around to making:
* ALL THINGS MUST PASS (THE BEATLES LP EDITION)
- great album but it's a bit long isn't it? What
about making it the same length as Rubber Soul
by dumping the jams, dumping the 4 worst tracks
(your judgement) and nipping the rest down to
about 2:30 long.
* FROGGER MOTORWAY - We've long dreamed an
impossible version of Frogger where you have to
cross a motorway but the cars are just too fast,
but the trick to winning is not crossing the
motorway, and going off the bottom of the screen
and then just hanging out, breeding some frog
babies and catching flies.
* PODDERY MOCKERY - Osborne and Balls have a
podcast out called @polcurrency, register
@po1currency and fill it with computer generated
mockery. "This week Lenin and Tommy Robinson are
discussing sex workers in their new podcast The
Rest Is Wankers"
Remember, creativity is just day dreams made
real:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (No problemo - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
"I discovered some guests used our AirBnB to
make a porno. I'm doubly angry because we've got
a 'No Commercial Photography' clause AND I can't
tell anyone how I know."
