NEWSLETTER: "JOIN THE EIGHT PEOPLE WHO OPENED THE B3TA NEWSLETTER THIS YEAR"
This Week:
* YES IT'S A GAME - Dog Poo Golf
* JOEL FROM RATHERGOOD - makes a TV show
* MAKE TERRIBLE AI SONGS - with absolutely no effort
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're staving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | using some complicated
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| music software"
B3ta electronic e-newsletter 901 - 22nd Mar 2024
Read this issue to your mardy neighbour for a Twix:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue901
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making skid marks in their pants
* "DOG POO GOLF" - Matt Round writes, "Inspired
by Scaryduck and featuring 3D models by
HappyToast, it's the ultimate 3D sports game."
This is great and a perfect recreation of a
N64/Wii aesthetic. We'd also quite like to see a
2D version for the SNES that plays like the old
iPhone game Desert Golf.
https://vole.wtf/dog-poo-golf/
* DOLLY PARTON VS MADNESS - Long term B3ta
readers will remember our chum Osymyso who made
the Introspective 12" single, which glued
together about a million intros from songs in a
constant moment of "I know this one!". Well,
turns out he's taken some time off from his
current day job of writing music for films and
ads to return to the world of mash-ups and has
made a very listenable mash of Dolly Parton with
Kentish Town's finest, Madness. It's dolly good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* JOEL VEITCH MAKES DINOSAUR SHOW FOR NETFLIX -
it's only been 10 years in the making and also
written with B3tan stalwart Natt. We attended
the premier this week and enjoyed it a lot. If
you've got small kids aged say 4 to 6 then stick
them in front of it and give it a go.
http://b3ta.com/links/1614050
* CHIP TUNE BOOK - bleep enthusiast Chris Abbott
has got in touch to tell us he's got his book
about the legendary C64 music composer Rob
Hubbard for sale and he's rather like some
B3tans to buy it because he's in danger of
ending up out-of-pocket with the printing costs.
He also asked your editor for a quote so look
out for that excitement.
https://c64audio.com/products/master-of-magic-soft...
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Oh we should mention we've stuck the B3ta Twitter account on Bluesky too, not that we're deleting the Twitter account, but you don't want to put all your racist eggs in one basket.
https://bsky.app/profile/b3ta.com
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy a belt and support B3ta
Our sponsors Hebtro sell many things including
belts - we mention the belts because we're
wearing one of theirs now and it's very rugged
and good. Yep, we're telling everyone to belt
up. All made in the UK, to the highest
standards, ideal presents, you know the score by
now.
https://hebtro.co/product/custom-leather-belt/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions, fessed up, as internet gruel
Each week you confess loads of completely
bollocks and we pick out a few that made us
laugh or gawp:
* COMPETITIVE DAD - "I am ranked in an amateur
chess league. My son learned to play in school
and wanted a match. My wife was really proud of
me for playing him into stalemate rather than
beating him. I was really trying to win but his
moves were pure chaos and I got confused on what
to do."
* GRIND-DA - "Agreed to help a mate move some
stuff for his Dad, got there early so thought
I'd open a man fun app and try my luck. Found an
older guy nearby, popped round and got it on.
Then met my mate who led me to his Dads house,
who did well to hide the shock of seeing me
again so soon."
* BYE FELICIA - "A few years ago friends and I
deliberately left out a friend from a night out,
he somehow managed to be walking past the bar
and he saw us, we locked eyes , he looked at his
phone, and looked up and walked out of our
lives. Nobody saw him again. Mike, I'm so
sorry."
Follow us on BlueSky, the social network that's
not run by Nazis just yet, but give it time,
everything turns to shit eventually.
https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social
Come to the shows - we've got to pimp DUBLIN
hard now but we're also selling in Northampton,
Durham and Brighton. Ooh and thank you to
everyone in Glasgow for giving us a sold out
show.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
Buy the book that critics said: "the spelling is
mostly correct and the choice of font was
excellent"
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
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: SITES IN BRIEFS (not y-fronts)
Your b-sides to the B3ta a-sides this week
* AUTOMATICALLY WRITE SHIT TUNES - If you want a
diversion - this AI song maker tool is a LOT OF
FUN. It'll not create anything worth anyone else
listening to really, but it's very amusing
typing some crap into it and seeing what it
spits out.
https://app.suno.ai/
* NESCEPTION - Guy builds a working NES inside a
NES game that will play itself, as Fucksocks
writes: "I think I got that title about right. I
really like this guys stuff. Interesting video.
Uses original NES game to build a fully
functional NES clone inside it which will also
play itself. It makes sense to me."
https://youtube.com/watch
* BLIND MAN'S BLUFF - Niche W****e-esque game of
the week is this one in which you must guess the
word in braille based on the amount of dots it
has. Nice UX, as you'd expect from a developer
with an interest in such things.
https://themisgames.com/brailliance/
* IT'S NOT SOLITAIRE - We're pretty sure the gag
on this Minesweeper variant is that the funny
mode is impossible to unlock because the normal
board is impossible to win, but we can't really
know for sure. Send it to your friends telling
them that it's hilarious, at which point they
could turn the tables by saying that the funny
level is indeed brilliant and was well worth
their time unlocking.
https://wires5210.neocities.org
* POTTERY LOTTERY - Trying to destroy the
gambling industry armed only with only a bit of
ASCII and JavaScript, this site allows you to
simulate spending a million dollars on lottery
tickets. But what lesson will you learn should
you be the one in 292 million who actually wins?
https://adamgrant.info/heres-1m-dollars-try-to-win...
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Pink Floyd
Last week we had you all photoshopping Pink
Floyd. The week before it was Royal photoshop
disasters but that all looks a bit bad taste
now, so we'll pretend that never happened and
send our best wishes to our favourite royal
Corel Draw expert. Results this week:
* 'Plankton' wishes you were here
https://b3ta.com/board/11405766
* 'Monkeon' continues to confound with his
genius
https://b3ta.com/board/11405743
* 'Octo' sends the baddies to prism
https://b3ta.com/board/11405579
* See all the other images from the 'Pink Floyd'
challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/pinkfloyd/popular
>> This week: Literal Celebs <<
Jonathan Gullis reportedly had a shit-fit when a
child made a picture of him as a gull. Let's
depict other famous people literally. Kate Bush
as a bush, Michael Fish as a fish... that sort
of thing.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/literalcelebs/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you in the idea cock
* UNTITLED BOOZE GAME - you play an alcoholic
and your mission is to fuck everyone's shit up -
vomit in the photocopier, stumble into traffic
causing a crash, attempt to flirt with the
office junior and cause an HR incident.
* "THERE'S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO SHIT IN A LIFT"
- it's endlessly fun thinking up new proverbs,
so why not turn this into a mass collaborative
project?
* AN AI VERSION OF SPOTIFY - no not one that
makes up terrible new tunes, but one that uses
that demixing technology so you can single out
instruments as you please. Yes this is doable
via sites like lalal.ai but we want it
integrated into players.
Go on, send us your missives:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Don't you see that
killing me is not going to bring back your
apples? - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec,
Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe. No, actually done a
couple of bits recently, do sign up.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
Like Liz Truss, we too are victims of the Deep
State, who've conspired to prevent the B3ta
newsletter having more subscribers. Take a blow
against the unelected blob by telling your
friends to sign up.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS 'THAT'S YOU, THAT IS' FESSHOLE
"I no longer enjoy many of my favourite comedies
now I am in my 40s and much less successful in
life than supposed losers David Brent, Michael
Scott and Mark Corrigan. I can only dream of
being a regional manager of an office supplies
company, or of owning a 2 bed flat in Croydon"
