NEWSLETTER: "THIS NEWSLETTER CHALLENGE SUNAK TO A LIVE PHOTOSHOPPING CONTEST OR IS HE CHICKEN?"
This Week:
* FROGGER - as you've never frogged before
* CHALLENGE - British remake results
* TOOL - How to make links less readable
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're chasing the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | web dragon...
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| together"
B3ta email e-zine 907 - 24th May 2024
Read this issue backwards & summon error HTTP 666:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue907
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making "stains" in the Premier Inn
* FROGGER, WALKABLE CITY - dumbdestroy7 writes,
"It's Frogger in a car-free city, no, he"s not
just dodging bicycles instead. In this version,
Frogger explores a walkable city, riding the
subway, going on quests, making friends and
collecting 10 Gil for a ride on the bullet
train."
https://woe-industries.itch.io/frogger-walkable-ci...
* WEIRD BEER GARDEN THING - we were perplexed by
this animation until we saw the image in the
thread and then decided we liked it. Thank you
rowlification for your contribution.
https://b3ta.com/links/Shall_we_go_in_the_beer_gar...
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE *LAST* WEEK
This again because reasons
The other week we made a joke so brilliantly
stupid that Gmail decided to send the newsletter
to the spam bin and we got less than half our
usual opens. So we're running the B3ta people
section again for those who missed it.
* HOW MUCH DO YOU NEED TO WIPE YOUR BUM? - Dave
Bagpuss writes, "Following through from last
week's b3ta newsletter which contemplates 'some
kind of wiping arse game', I bring you 'The Shit
Shit Game'. Nothing more than a lavatorial
number-guessing game, simply guess the number of
sheets of cheap and nasty toilet paper you need
to wipe your arse clean." We didn't expect this
to happen as the suggestion was filler really,
but we're so pleased it has been, we laughed our
arses off.
https://shit-shit-game.bagpuss.org
* BRITAIN'S OLDEST SHEEP - In more
make-you-feel-old content, legendary b3tan
photoshopper Sheep has updated a GIF he last
updated 20 years ago. We hope to publish the
third iteration of this joke in 2044. See you
there fellow old people.
https://b3ta.com/board/11407431
* TAPPY GAME TWO: TAP IN THE CITY - Kevin Doyle
has followed his 'tappy tap' game we brought you
last week with this one where we were baffled as
to what the rules were for about a minute, then
worked it out, and we're not going to tell you,
because we enjoyed that moment of joy of working
it out. But rest assured, you still need to tap.
https://bigjobby.com/maze/
* INTRANSITIVE HAND GAME (that's what Wikipedia
calls it) - Atomirex is a developer who we've
accidentally drawn into the B3ta cult by
mentioning one of his games in a previous
newsletter and now he's posting his new one on
/links and he describes his latest as "Showdown
- Rock, Paper, Scissors Against A Markov Chain
In A Sombrero". Blimey, this is sorta nuts but
fun.
https://www.luduxia.com/showdown/
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Launching the 'Bother' magazine.
Hebtro have launched a magazine and the deal is
it's £20, but you also get a £20 voucher you can
use against Hebtro clothes, making one or other
one free. Why bother? Because these people
bother.
https://hebtro.co/bother-mag/
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: FESSHOLE
Your fesses fessed up as fesscrement
Each week you type thousands of lies, boasts and
howls into the abyss into a big form and we
share a few out:
* THEFT - "My garden backs on to railways. About
10 years ago the fences were falling down,
complained to network rail who did nothing. In
the end, the whole bit of our street got
together and put up new fence ourselves. 30 feet
back into their land. They've never noticed."
* MORE THEFT - "In the 1970s my father stole a
piece of an Irish castle. Mum was horrified and
hid the column under the bed. Forty years later,
to the great pleasure of the castle museum
curator, she returned it. After she died, we
found pictures showing she returned it to the
wrong castle."
* CLAPPING - "I always have to be the last
person clapping in a crowd. Always. My brother
has picked up on this and started challenging
me. Made for a very awkward wedding ceremony
when neither gave in for what felt like 3
minutes. His wife stopped him. Suck it Philip I
know your reading this."
Follow the account that only has followers
because you mistook it for that funny one that
posts Eastern European knock-offs of the pop
group Bucks Fizz.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
Gotta pimp the show tickets. Durham, Birmingham,
Brighton - do come all. And don't just take our
word for it, take the word of JG on Twitter who
wrote today, "Northampton was spectacular last
night, how Rob doesn"t have an aneurism
delivering this I don"t know. He even mentioned
50p Lil." You see, we might die on stage like
Tommy Cooper - you don't want to miss that.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
Let's pimp book two too. Will there be a book
three? Hmm, we're not contracted to do one but
who knows. Maybe it's just simpler to buy book
two and just write your own new tweets in it?
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Your Netscape cool links of the day
* MAKE A LINK LESS READABLE - A minimalist link
shortener that turns everything into an
uppercase l or an i for a most aesthetically
pleasing URL.
https://llili.li
* RANDOM BOLLOCKS - Whilst we theoretically
agree that algorithms are making people's
experience of the web less interesting, this
random video/music site removes the algorithms
and reminds you that the majority of what people
upload is utter tosh.
https://0xbeef.co.uk/random/
* NERDY EMOJI RESEARCH - Do you want a deep dive
into the early years of the emoji, where it was
just weird incompatible chars on obscure
technology? Yes you do, and we'd also add that
some of the extended character set of the
AMSTRAD ASCII set was also proto-emoji.
https://blog.gingerbeardman.com/2024/05/10/emoji-h...
* REPLACE YOUR CURSOR WITH A CAT'S PAW - cute
idea, and one which we'd be happier to watch the
video for than actually install.
http://catpawdesk.top/
* DOCTOR WHO NERDERY - We're sure there's
something in there for the proper nerds to argue
about. BTW: The launch of the new season has
been a bit quiet hasn't it? People just aren't
talking about it. Shame.
https://buttondown.email/cooray_smith/archive/if-j...
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: READERS' LETTERS
Not quite goatse of the week
Fatsquirrel writes, "I just thought you'd like
this. There's a documentary on Netflix (US
anyway) about the cold war called 'Turning
Point'. It's good. But I was overjoyed when they
described a suitcase-sized device the CIA
provided to Poland which would let Solidarity
take over the Polish TV network. It appears to
be powered by a ZX Spectrum!" Well that's
Netflix's viral marketing done for them, send us
the cheque eh lads?
https://imgur.com/a/Vnugf48
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
British Remakes of American TV
Here's the best images from last week:
* Enjoyed Knight Rider with a proper British car
- thanks The Legendary Pink Dot
https://b3ta.com/board/11407352
* Love Sex And The City in B3ta Towers, as it's
the story of someone continually making content,
and this version would be very Manuelly - fanks
Ninj
https://b3ta.com/board/11407383
* Always happy to see a reference to Harry
Enfield and Paul Whitehouse's finest characters
- thanks S4RK
https://b3ta.com/board/11407386
* See all the other images from the 'British
Remakes of American TV' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/britishremakesofamerican...
>> This week: Wrong Set <<
What would happen if the actors from one film
walked onto the set of another film by mistake?
Double click that Photoshop icon and show us.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/wrongset/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick your off
* MUSIC TO WATCH URLS BY - make a concept album
about the early internet, logging on and surfing
the information superhighway.
* THINGS CAN ONLY GET FOOTY - If you're one of
those mashup twats, it's time to make a mashup
of Things Can Only Get Better and Football's
Coming Home because that's what people are going
to be singing coming out of pubs in about a
month's time
* ACCIDENTAL BANDS IN HEADLINES - occasionally
you get headlines like "New Order To Curb Street
Drinking" and it should be an account on its
own. Ok you wouldn't get entries very often, but
when you do: *chef's kiss*
https://twitter.com/angrypiln/status/1792475470111...
Send us your worst - except don't send us AI
songs - we're interested in things you make, not
lazy prompt stuff.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (I'm in love with my dust
- Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec,
Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe. No, actually done a
couple of bits recently, do sign up.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
Like Liz Truss, we too are victims of the Deep
State, who've conspired to prevent the B3ta
newsletter having more subscribers. Take a blow
against the unelected blob by telling your
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https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: BONUS 'EVERY DAY IS A SCHOOL DAY' FESSHOLE
"Today I realised that fire engines don't carry
the water in the fire engine with them. Thought
fire hydrants were an American thing. Didn't
realise we had them in the UK. I'm 36 and have
two first class degrees."
