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NEWSLETTER: "THIS NEWSLETTER CHALLENGE SUNAK TO A LIVE PHOTOSHOPPING CONTEST OR IS HE CHICKEN?"

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This Week: 
* FROGGER - as you've never frogged before
* CHALLENGE - British remake results
* TOOL - How to make links less readable 
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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're chasing the 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   web dragon...
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     together"

B3ta email e-zine 907 - 24th May 2024 

Read this issue backwards & summon error HTTP 666:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue907

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than making "stains" in the Premier Inn 

  * FROGGER, WALKABLE CITY - dumbdestroy7 writes, 
  "It's  Frogger in a car-free city, no, he"s not 
  just dodging bicycles instead. In this version, 
  Frogger explores a walkable city, riding the 
  subway, going on quests, making friends and 
  collecting 10 Gil for a ride on the bullet 
  train." 
https://woe-industries.itch.io/frogger-walkable-ci...

  * WEIRD BEER GARDEN THING - we were perplexed by 
  this animation until we saw the image in the 
  thread and then decided we liked it. Thank you 
  rowlification for your contribution. 
https://b3ta.com/links/Shall_we_go_in_the_beer_gar...

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE *LAST* WEEK
  This again because reasons 

  The other week we made a joke so brilliantly 
  stupid that Gmail decided to send the newsletter 
  to the spam bin and we got less than half our 
  usual opens. So we're running the B3ta people 
  section again for those who missed it. 

  * HOW MUCH DO YOU NEED TO WIPE YOUR BUM? - Dave 
  Bagpuss writes, "Following through from last 
  week's b3ta newsletter which contemplates 'some 
  kind of wiping arse game', I bring you 'The Shit 
  Shit Game'. Nothing more than a lavatorial 
  number-guessing game, simply guess the number of 
  sheets of cheap and nasty toilet paper you need 
  to wipe your arse clean." We didn't expect this 
  to happen as the suggestion was filler really, 
  but we're so pleased it has been, we laughed our 
  arses off. 
https://shit-shit-game.bagpuss.org 

  * BRITAIN'S OLDEST SHEEP - In more 
  make-you-feel-old content, legendary b3tan 
  photoshopper Sheep has updated a GIF he last 
  updated 20 years ago. We hope to publish the 
  third iteration of this joke in 2044. See you 
  there fellow old people. 
https://b3ta.com/board/11407431

  * TAPPY GAME TWO: TAP IN THE CITY - Kevin Doyle 
  has followed his 'tappy tap' game we brought you 
  last week with this one where we were baffled as 
  to what the rules were for about a minute, then 
  worked it out, and we're not going to tell you, 
  because we enjoyed that moment of joy of working 
  it out. But rest assured, you still need to tap. 
https://bigjobby.com/maze/ 

  * INTRANSITIVE HAND GAME (that's what Wikipedia 
  calls it) - Atomirex is a developer who we've 
  accidentally drawn into the B3ta cult by 
  mentioning one of his games in a previous 
  newsletter and now he's posting his new one on 
  /links and he describes his latest as "Showdown 
  - Rock, Paper, Scissors Against A Markov Chain 
  In A Sombrero". Blimey, this is sorta nuts but 
  fun. 
https://www.luduxia.com/showdown/ 

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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
  Launching the 'Bother' magazine. 

  Hebtro have launched a magazine and the deal is 
  it's £20, but you also get a £20 voucher you can 
  use against Hebtro clothes, making one or other 
  one free. Why bother? Because these people 
  bother. 
https://hebtro.co/bother-mag/

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: FESSHOLE
  Your fesses fessed up as fesscrement 

  Each week you type thousands of lies, boasts and 
  howls into the abyss into a big form and we 
  share a few out: 
  * THEFT - "My garden backs on to railways. About 
  10 years ago the fences were falling down, 
  complained to network rail who did nothing. In 
  the end, the whole bit of our street got 
  together and put up new fence ourselves. 30 feet 
  back into their land. They've never noticed." 

  * MORE THEFT - "In the 1970s my father stole a 
  piece of an Irish castle. Mum was horrified and 
  hid the column under the bed. Forty years later, 
  to the great pleasure of the castle museum 
  curator, she returned it. After she died, we 
  found pictures showing she returned it to the 
  wrong castle." 

  * CLAPPING - "I always have to be the last 
  person clapping in a crowd. Always. My brother 
  has picked up on this and started challenging 
  me. Made for a very awkward wedding ceremony 
  when neither gave in for what felt like 3 
  minutes. His wife stopped him. Suck it Philip I 
  know your reading this." 

  Follow the account that only has followers 
  because you mistook it for that funny one that 
  posts Eastern European knock-offs of the pop 
  group Bucks Fizz. 
https://twitter.com/fesshole

  Gotta pimp the show tickets. Durham, Birmingham, 
  Brighton - do come all. And don't just take our 
  word for it, take the word of JG on Twitter who 
  wrote today, "Northampton was spectacular last 
  night, how Rob doesn"t have an aneurism 
  delivering this I don"t know. He even mentioned 
  50p Lil." You see, we might die on stage like 
  Tommy Cooper - you don't want to miss that. 
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole

  Let's pimp book two too. Will there be a book 
  three? Hmm, we're not contracted to do one but 
  who knows. Maybe it's just simpler to buy book 
  two and just write your own new tweets in it? 
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Your Netscape cool links of the day 

  * MAKE A LINK LESS READABLE - A minimalist link 
  shortener that turns everything into an 
  uppercase l or an i for a most aesthetically 
  pleasing URL. 
https://llili.li

  * RANDOM BOLLOCKS - Whilst we theoretically 
  agree that algorithms are making people's 
  experience of the web less interesting, this 
  random video/music site removes the algorithms 
  and reminds you that the majority of what people 
  upload is utter tosh. 
https://0xbeef.co.uk/random/

  * NERDY EMOJI RESEARCH - Do you want a deep dive 
  into the early years of the emoji, where it was 
  just weird incompatible chars on obscure 
  technology? Yes you do, and we'd also add that 
  some of the extended character set of the 
  AMSTRAD ASCII set was also proto-emoji. 
  https://blog.gingerbeardman.com/2024/05/10/emoji-h... 

  * REPLACE YOUR CURSOR WITH A CAT'S PAW - cute 
  idea, and one which we'd be happier to watch the 
  video for than actually install. 
http://catpawdesk.top/

  * DOCTOR WHO NERDERY - We're sure there's 
  something in there for the proper nerds to argue 
  about. BTW: The launch of the new season has 
  been a bit quiet hasn't it? People just aren't 
  talking about it. Shame. 
https://buttondown.email/cooray_smith/archive/if-j...

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: READERS' LETTERS
  Not quite goatse of the week 

  Fatsquirrel writes, "I just thought you'd like 
  this. There's a documentary on Netflix (US 
  anyway) about the cold war called 'Turning 
  Point'. It's good. But I was overjoyed when they 
  described a suitcase-sized device the CIA 
  provided to Poland which would let Solidarity 
  take over the Polish TV network. It appears to 
  be powered by a ZX Spectrum!" Well that's 
  Netflix's viral marketing done for them, send us 
  the cheque eh lads? 
https://imgur.com/a/Vnugf48

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  British Remakes of American TV 

  Here's the best images from last week: 

  * Enjoyed Knight Rider with a proper British car 
  - thanks The Legendary Pink Dot 
https://b3ta.com/board/11407352

  * Love Sex And The City in B3ta Towers, as it's 
  the story of someone continually making content, 
  and this version would be very Manuelly - fanks 
  Ninj 
https://b3ta.com/board/11407383

  * Always happy to see a reference to Harry 
  Enfield and Paul Whitehouse's finest characters 
  - thanks S4RK 
https://b3ta.com/board/11407386

  * See all the other images from the 'British 
  Remakes of American TV' challenge: 
http://b3ta.com/challenge/britishremakesofamerican...

  >> This week: Wrong Set << 
  What would happen if the actors from one film 
  walked onto the set of another film by mistake? 
  Double click that Photoshop icon and show us. 
http://b3ta.com/challenge/wrongset/popular

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Some ideas to kick your off 

  * MUSIC TO WATCH URLS BY - make a concept album 
  about the early internet, logging on and surfing 
  the information superhighway. 

  * THINGS CAN ONLY GET FOOTY - If you're one of 
  those mashup twats, it's time to make a mashup 
  of Things Can Only Get Better and Football's 
  Coming Home because that's what people are going 
  to be singing coming out of pubs in about a 
  month's time 

  * ACCIDENTAL BANDS IN HEADLINES - occasionally 
  you get headlines like "New Order To Curb Street 
  Drinking" and it should be an account on its 
  own. Ok you wouldn't get entries very often, but 
  when you do: *chef's kiss* 
https://twitter.com/angrypiln/status/1792475470111...

  Send us your worst - except don't send us AI 
  songs - we're interested in things you make, not 
  lazy prompt stuff. 
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically. 

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK 
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON 
  JAMES* *STOOBERT* 

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN 
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS 
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE 
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY, 
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW, 
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH 

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright, 
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam 
  Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian 
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy 
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna, 
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster, 
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister, 
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien 
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss, 
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David 
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law, 
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith 
  H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor 
  Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus 
  Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain 
  Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James 
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason 
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim 
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe 
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John 
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude 
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad 
  Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway, 
  Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt 
  Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman, 
  Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler, 
  mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross, 
  OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul 
  Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter 
  Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington, 
  pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, 
  Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, 
  RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, 
  sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon 
  McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, 
  Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim 
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom 
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil 
  Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood, 
  Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough, 
  Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote, 
  Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey 
  Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John 
  Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne, 
  Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston, 
  James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, 
  Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, 
  Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig 
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will 
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, 
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, 
  Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner 
  Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, 
  Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam 
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David 
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre 
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor 
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan 
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph 
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul 
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient 
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark 
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, 
  Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy 
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben 
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of 
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John 
  Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David 
  Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, 
  FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh 
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer 
  Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee 
  Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark 
  madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, 
  Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, 
  Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel 
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, 
  Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, 
  Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, 
  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane, 
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase, 
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam 
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris 
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths, 
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria 
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt. 

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round 
  additional links; Monkeon for image challenge 
  help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing 
  by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (I'm in love with my dust 
  - Kat) 

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim 
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek 
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger, 
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN 
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua 
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri 
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris 
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil 
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben 
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss, 
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards, 
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special 
  love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST 
  - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel 
  Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant, 
  Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD, 
  and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil 
  McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And 
  Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and 
  PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich 
  Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to 
  the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you 
  to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much 
  appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair 
  Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg 
  Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker, 
  Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE 
  YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian 
  Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank 
  you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson, 
  Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS 
  THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub. 
  BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt & 
  JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell 
  and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka 
  Mikec, 
Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats.

  And do please donate as you get occasional 
  "bonus" content. Maybe. No, actually done a 
  couple of bits recently, do sign up. 
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

  Like Liz Truss, we too are victims of the Deep 
  State, who've conspired to prevent the B3ta 
  newsletter having more subscribers. Take a blow 
  against the unelected blob by telling your 
  friends to sign up. 
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/

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: BONUS 'EVERY DAY IS A SCHOOL DAY' FESSHOLE
  "Today I realised that fire engines don't carry 
  the water in the fire engine with them. Thought 
  fire hydrants were an American thing. Didn't 
  realise we had them in the UK. I'm 36 and have 
  two first class degrees." 

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