NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER THAT RIOTS EVERY WEEK, FOR THE RETURN OF CEEFAX"
This Week:
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - films for dogs
* FESSHOLE PODCAST - our 'panel show' episode
* CAT "LOAFS" - have YOURS ranked
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | by organising a
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| meat raffle"
B3ta newsletter 917 - 9th August 2024
Read this issue into a echo box like The Edge might:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue917
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making papier-mache sausages
* FESSHOLE THE PANEL SHOW - as an end of season
finale we decide to have a go making a panel
show out of Fesshol. Well, not a real one
exactly, just your editor and his friends Sam &
Dave mucking around in a shed. We think it's fun
anyway.
https://audioboom.com/posts/8549785-can-we-make-a-...
* WHAT TIME IS TIME? - Jonathan Ellinsfield
writes, "Hey, I've made a unique interactive
clock using a lens-shaped conveyance method.
Click on the dots to see."
https://identifive.com/furl/
* CLICKY BOLLOCKS - dngdng writes, "I made a
fairly pointless lo-fi parody of clicking games
for some reason, called CLICK, in which you can
click the word click repeatedly." Well it does
what it says on the tin, although it's quite
possible this is a tin you wouldn't actually
want.
https://dngdng.itch.io/click
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
You know you want to buy some clothes
Look into my eyes, you are feeling very very in
need of buying clothes. Yes, you are
suggestible, and you feel weirdly naked right
now, and your shame will only be fixed by
spending money on clothes right now. Luckily
B3ta sponsors Hebtro are here to help and will
sell you some fantastic togs, all made in the
UK, designed to last and perfect as presents for
tricky men. Phew! Buy now before they change
their minds and pivot to selling leopards.
https://hebtro.co/
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: CRUDELY DRAWN COCK OF THE WEEK
No this section shouldn't exist
AdeMcC writes, "I saw this and thought of you.
Pump track indeed." He also asks us to "keep up
the good work" which means he must have meant
the email for someone else.
https://bit.ly/whatalovelycock
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: FESSHOLE
Your Confessions, twinned with Your Horse
magazine
Each week you type some shit into the Google
form and we, the friends of the Google form,
fish a few out to post on social media. Here's
three picked by your editor scrolling down and
going CTRL C.
* JUSTICE - "Talked the wife into a threesome,
turns out she enjoyed sex with the other woman
more than with me. They now live together, I now
live alone except for a house plant."
* FIVE STARS - "Fell in love with my regular
Amazon delivery driver. We dated, became a
couple, and are now engaged to be married. She
also quit the job and started her own business.
That might have been a mistake. Our new regular
Amazon driver is an absolutely shitting
incompetent moron.
* HAIRRAISING - "Post divorce, dating my first
completely bald man, he started kissing my neck
and worked his way down my chest. Nice but when
I opened my eyes and looked down, and I still
know not why I was so indelicate, and said out
loud 'it looks like I've got three boobs.' The
End."
Not linking Twitter this week as it's even more
fascist than ever - thanks Elonk. Have the
BlueSky link coz that's where half the media
twonks have pissed off to, and at least the
search works, unlike Threads.
https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social
Buy tickets you lovely people. It's BIRMINGHAM
and ISLE OF WIGHT next.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
Buy the book. It's yellow, which is a nice
colour for a book, designed to stand out in the
shop, although you buying it online fucks that.
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Your Acorn magazine is now a girthy oak
* SCRABBLE WITH POWER-UPS - despite being a bit
buggy and having a description that doesn't know
what roguelike means, we found ourselves playing
this a few times.
https://roadtripgames.itch.io/wordlike
* RATE MY CAT 'LOAF' - Upload a picture of your
cat in the classic pose and this will tell you
how good a loaf it makes. Fingers crossed for
Sam Altman that this is the killer app that
finally makes AI worthwhile before he next has
to go begging for billions more to flush down
his generative toilet.
https://rateloaf.com
* BLANCMANGE TAPPING - Simulate the joy of
tapping a blancmange with a spoon and watching
it wobble. Presumably an impressive WebGL demo
for people who care about such things.
https://oimo.io/works/pudding/
* FUCK OFF AND DIE, AI - Where does AI slop come
from? Your more interesting read this week will
tell you in great detail.
https://archive.ph/9TRB6
* ORBITAL TV - Ever wondered what TV the
astronauts can watch on ISS? Well apparently
it's The Crown and Young Sheldon. Lucky them.
https://gizmodo.com/every-tv-show-astronauts-can-w...
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*** NEW PATREON CONTENT - ok we're trying to
make an effort to stick things on this. So this
week we've shoved up an interview we did with
Joel Morris about his theories on Minder the
8-bit computer game, yes we ARE spoiling you ***
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Paris 2024 Olympics
Here's the best images from last week:
* S4RK brings us The Treachery of Skateboarding
https://b3ta.com/board/11409898
* MONKEON makes everyone shout "Christ!"
https://b3ta.com/board/11409993
* CRINGE reminds us of the great memes from the
back end of yesterday
https://b3ta.com/board/11409883
* See all the other images from the 'Paris 2024
Olympics' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/parisolympics/popular
>> This week: Dog Films <<
Films aimed at a human audience must be a boring
watch for dogs. Let's make some movies
especially for our canine friends. Woof.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/dogfilms/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to start you off
* MIDLANDS MAYHEM - Matt Round writes, "if you
need a project suggestion: Rebuild The Crooked
House physics game, stack up bricks, windows,
etc on wonky surface."
* ABBEY ROAD: THE COMPUTER GAME - Celebrate 55
years of the Beatles greatest LP cover by making
a game where you have to cross the road, pause
for the photo just long enough to not get run
over.
* THE PUB OLYMPICS - organise a competition for
the kind of games you make up bored and drunk -
like who can pee the highest or who can balance
the most 2ps on their arm and then catch them.
Stick your work into our box you cowards.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Overburdened by salad -
Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
Howard.
Oh just subscribe, you wonderful people.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: BONUS 'FOOTY' FESSHOLE
"Wife is mad because she thought I was staring
at a woman in our gym. I was actually
daydreaming wondering if Brazilian footballers,
on going pro, get forewarned they may end up
playing/living in Manchester or some other rainy
shit-hole."
