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NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER THAT DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU READ IT"

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This Week: 
* SHED OF THE YEAR - Winners announced
* PONG VIDEO - actually you'll want to see this
* MONKEY ISLAND - John Higgs talks about it
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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shaving our balls
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  then we're shaving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   web... together?

B3ta electro-email 920 - 6th Sep 2024

Read this newsletter to your hungry cat:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue920

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than jizzing in their own hair 

  * SHED OF THE YEAR WINNERS - Unclewilco writes, 
  "The Winner of Cuprinol Shed of the year 2024 is 
  Wrinkly, Rusty and Retro. Just like most b3tans 
  I'm a Rusty, Wrinkly and a bit Retro but not as 
  much as our winner of the 18th Shed of the 
  year." Excellent news, and congratulations to 18 
  years of sheds, and never once giving an award 
  to David Cameron. 
https://www.readersheds.co.uk/share.cfm

  * JOHN HIGGS VS MONKEY ISLAND - Your editor 
  interviews John Higgs, yes our favourite author 
  of all time, but not about books, but about 
  playing Monkey Island. Yes, this will all make 
  sense if you listen, we promise. 
https://www.patreon.com/posts/111546608

  * ALARMING MERCH - David Firth of Salad Fingers 
  fame has brought out a range of disturbing 
  finger puppets, ideal for livening up your 
  fingering time. 
https://saladfingersstore.com/

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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP *YES,IT'S A SALE*
  Fine clothes for you to wear 

  Have you ever worried that you're 40 and still 
  wearing potato sacks? Well help is at hand from 
  Hebtro who promise not to sell you any potato 
  sacks, but fine clothes, made in the UK and to 
  the highest standards so they last a long time. 
  Ideal gifts for men, both badly dressed and well 
  dressed actually. 
https://hebtro.co/its-a-sale/

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: FESSHOLE
  Your confessions, you know the drill, mr swill 

  Each week we ask you to stop submitting 
  confessions but it's like shouting "there's no 
  fire" coz all people hear is "fire" and the 
  confessions keep coming. Here's three we didn't 
  totally hate: 

  * THE STONES - "As a teenager in Neustrelitz 
  (East Germany), I painted small stones purple 
  and left them all over town. Did it for years. 
  It drove the police and Stasi nuts. It meant 
  nothing. It just felt good to do something they 
  couldn't control or understand." 

  * THE SKIDS - "Spent a good chunk of the last 20 
  years complaining to my wife about the kids 
  leaving skid marks on the toilet bowl. Youngest 
  moved out 2 weeks ago and it turns out it's been 
  my wife the entire time." 

  * THE DOORS - "Neighbours are away & the 
  house-sitter asked me for help with the back 
  door that was stuck. Grabbed GT85 lubricant, 
  fixed the sliding bolts, & while she was 
  distracted, I lubricated the creaking hinges on 
  their front door that have been driving me mad 
  for 3 years." 

  Follow the account that has 14,000 followers on 
  the social media account that's not as popular 
  as Threads but has more journalists on it. 
https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social

  Come to the shows - coming up is Birmingham and 
  then Isle of Wight, Preston & Wolverhampton. 
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole

  Buy the book: It's less than £3 at the moment 
  due to Amazon's slightly insane price system 
  that shifts it around. 
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  The type-ins that Acorn User rejects, we publish 

  * PONG VIDEO  - This nerd project has turned 
  Pong into a minimalistic music visualiser. Being 
  a nerd project, however, you have to dick around 
  with Python to get it working for yourself, 
  rather than have a web front-end that could make 
  it popular with non console-fiddlers, but still 
  the example video is very pleasing. 
https://victortao.substack.com/p/song-pong

  * GRAPH GUESSER - W****e of the week is this 
  game in which you must guess what the graph is 
  of.  The one-a-day format feels a bit pointless 
  for this one, though the questions are decent 
  and you can go back in time and play the old 
  rounds anyway. 
https://www.graphs.world/

  * SWEAR LIKE A SPACEMAN - NASA have given us a 
  "your name" toy in which you can get Landsat 
  images to spell out things like bigwanks, should 
  you so desire. 
https://landsat.gsfc.nasa.gov/apps/YourNameInLands...

  * IS MY BLUE YOUR BLUE - apparently lots of 
  people see blue differently and here's your 
  chance to compare it to other people. 
https://ismy.blue/

  * NO HEADLINE HERE, JUST WATCH - Do you want to 
  watch a short and odd video that'll make your 
  heart beat faster? 
https://b3ta.com/links/Oh_well:9

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Adolescent games results 

  Ok. We asked you to make computer games for 
  teenage boys, that actually were about the 
  concerns of teenage boys and most of you didn't 
  bother. But hey, there were some great entries. 

  * Monkeon pondered on the limited language 
  skills of the teens: 
https://b3ta.com/board/11410575

  * Plankton did a solid, if smelly, pun: 
https://b3ta.com/board/11410587

  * And it's Monkeon again, with a genius entry, 
  for all your ZX81 fans out there (we preferred 
  the Jupiter Ace): 
https://b3ta.com/board/11410547

  See them all on the one and only website that is 
  b3ta: 
https://b3ta.com/challenge/adolescentgames/popular...

  To celebrate Noel weaving his dark patterns 
  spell on the population of the UK to pony up 
  more money than God, it's time for you to 
  photoshop Britpop. 
https://b3ta.com/challenge/britpop/popular/

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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
  Follow ups on previous stories 

  * REVENGE WRAPPING PART TWO - in a belated 
  follow-up that we should have printed in 2014, 
  coz some email got lost down the back of a sofa, 
  Mike Worth writes, "About this time last year, 
  you featured the brother-proofed card I gave my 
  brother for Christmas in the newsletter; this 
  year he returned the favour." 
https://web.archive.org/web/20140215100720/http://...

  * THE SHAME, MAN - Last week we said something 
  about "trees are good" as a throwaway headline 
  and it promoted Dave Bagpuss to make this. 
https://b3ta.com/links/The_Shamen_Trees_are_Good

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Some ideas to kick you off 

  * WORST ANIMATED ALBUM ART - whilst nosing 
  around streaming services we find ourselves 
  increasingly irritated by classic album art that 
  has been animated in crass ways. Could you 
  document the worst for us all to mock? 

  * "A RETURN TO FORM" - apparently David Gilmour 
  has a new LP out and he says it's the best thing 
  he's done since Dark Side Of The Moon. As this 
  is highly unlikely, we'd like a project that 
  recorded every time an artist has made a similar 
  claim. Yeah it's just marketing, yeah it's just 
  about 
creating a headline, but it does grate.

  * OASIS-O-TRON 2000 - given there are 23 people 
  other than the Gallaghers who've been in either 
  Oasis, Beady Eye or Noel Gallagher's Low Hanging 
  Fruit: write a web app that randomly makes 
  potential line-ups, and offers up the spares for 
  reunions of The Seahorses and ABBA. 

  Oh go on, make some shit and tell us, ok? 
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically. 

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK 
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON 
  JAMES* *STOOBERT* 

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN 
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS 
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE 
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY, 
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW, 
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH 

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright, 
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam 
  Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian 
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy 
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna, 
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster, 
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister, 
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien 
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss, 
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David 
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law, 
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith 
  H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor 
  Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus 
  Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain 
  Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James 
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason 
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim 
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe 
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John 
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude 
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad 
  Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway, 
  Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt 
  Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman, 
  Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler, 
  mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross, 
  OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul 
  Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter 
  Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington, 
  pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, 
  Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, 
  RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, 
  sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon 
  McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, 
  Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim 
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom 
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil 
  Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood, 
  Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough, 
  Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote, 
  Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey 
  Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John 
  Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne, 
  Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston, 
  James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, 
  Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, 
  Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig 
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will 
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, 
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, 
  Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner 
  Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, 
  Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam 
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David 
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre 
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor 
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan 
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph 
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul 
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient 
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark 
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, 
  Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy 
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben 
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of 
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John 
  Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David 
  Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, 
  FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh 
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer 
  Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee 
  Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark 
  madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, 
  Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, 
  Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel 
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, 
  Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, 
  Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, 
  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane, 
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase, 
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam 
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris 
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths, 
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria 
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt. 

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round 
  additional links; Monkeon for image challenge 
  help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing 
  by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Mango lassi for all - 
  Kat) 

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim 
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek 
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger, 
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN 
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua 
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri 
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris 
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil 
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben 
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss, 
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards, 
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special 
  love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST 
  - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel 
  Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant, 
  Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD, 
  and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil 
  McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And 
  Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and 
  PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich 
  Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to 
  the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you 
  to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much 
  appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair 
  Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg 
  Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker, 
  Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE 
  YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian 
  Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank 
  you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson, 
  Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS 
  THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub. 
  BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt & 
  JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell 
  and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka 
  Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super 
  double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria, 
  Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon 
  Howard. 

  Oh just subscribe, you rotten people. 
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/

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: BONUS "BINS" FESSHOLE

  "When I put the bins out I do it so the handle 
  is facing outwards so the bin men don't have to 
  turn it round. Inside I feel a sense of 
  philanthropy and compassion and look down on all 
  my neighbours who don't do this as unpleasant 
  Tory bastards who don't care about the working 
  man." 

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