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NEWSLETTER: "COOL PEOPLE READ ASCII NEWSLETTERS, YOU'RE A COOL PERSON"

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This Week: 
* WEB MYSTERY SOLVED - but should it have been?
* BRIT-POP CHALLENGE - full VOX magazine results
* FESSHOLE - London Xmas-ish show announced
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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the webs
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  so we can make a spider
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  museum... together?

B3ta email 921 - 13th Sep 2024

Read this newsletter to your Linux obsessed mum:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue921

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  Ever wanted to fly your own starship? Bridge 
  Command is open in Vauxhall – a live, 
  interactive starship adventure 
https://bit.ly/4en1gGW [sponsored]

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than making toe-jam custard 

  * STATIC RADIO - DngDng writes, "I'm not 
  entirely sure why I made this, but Radio Static 
  is a small and ultimately pointless internet 
  radio that plays nothing but various forms of 
  static and occasionally some industrial noises 
  that also kind of sound like static." We're 
  quite into this idea as it demonstrates how 
  framing and presentation can lift something. 
https://accumulationofthings.com/twine/radio/

  * SUPPORT THIS BOOK - our resident 
  "photoshoppper" Chris Barker tells us "Boris 
  Johnson has a new book coming out so I thought 
  I'd jump the gun and get mine out before him. 
  Meet futur werld king alexander de-pfeffel 
  jonson and the asorted cads and oiks of st. 
  cnut"s skool for bois." You might recognise the 
  visual style if you're very old. 
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/dansumption/h...

  * WELL DONE TO B3TAN YOUTUBE MAN - Koit writes, 
  "I've recently hit a massive milestone for me! 
  I've been a B3TAn for a very long time and 
  although I'm much more of a lurker these days I 
  feel as if I can still celebrate here. So with 
  that, I present the 'strange middle-aged man' 
  dancing with his animated characters video." In 
  other news, Salad Fingers has hit two million. 
https://b3ta.com/links/Thank_You_For_the_Subs_500_...

  * A VIC 20 GAME DISASSEMBLED - that's the raw 
  adrenaline content we have for you. Robhogan 
  writes, "A whole book about the tricks, fizz, 
  and assembly-language skullduggery in Jeff 
  Minter's classic 'Iridis Alpha'. There are lots 
  of pretty pictures." Actually we found this 
  pretty interesting, there's a good 20% of our 
  readership who'll be into this and the rest will 
  be baffled. As per usual. 
https://iridisalpha.com/

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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP *YES,IT'S A SALE*
  Buy some clobber 
  On sale - and there's nothing wrong with any of 
  this stuff. All properly made in British 
  factories using quality cloth and skilled hands. 
  Final stock. Once it's gone, it's gone for good. 
  Plus they support B3TAN projects and are 
  therefore good eggs. 
https://hebtro.co/its-a-sale/

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: FESSHOLE
  Your fesses fessed up for the fuck of it 

  Each week you type truth and lies into a form 
  and we pick out a few to share for social media 
  likes. Some we enjoyed recently included: 

  * PARKLIFE! - "My girlfriend wants me to 
  download Life 360 so we know each other has 
  arrived safely at work and prep dinner when 
  we've left, etc. I'm running out of excuses as I 
  don't want her to know that after work I feed 
  pigeons for half an hour as I have no friends." 

  * MARRIED WITH CHILDREN - "Now Oasis are talking 
  again, my husband has just got out all his CDs, 
  he's currently singing Champagne Supernova, and 
  walking about like Kevin and Perry, and his soft 
  Manc accent is more pronounced. Thanks Oasis, 
  you'll be mentioned at the divorce proceedings." 

  * HELP THE AGED - "My optician is really hot so, 
  I got excited when he asked if I was doing 
  anything this weekend. I replied 'nothing I 
  can't cancel' with a cheeky wink. He said 'Oh 
  sorry, I just wanted to know if you're likely to 
  be wearing your lenses'" 

  Link goes to the April best of - we are behind 
  in the monthly best-ofs but we're working our 
  way through catching up. 
https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social/post...

  Gigs! We've loads of gigs for sale, Birmingham 
  up next, then Isle Of Wight (please book this 
  one, it's really going out on a limb trying to 
  sell tickets on a small island), Preston, London 
  just announced (on your editor's birthday too) 
  and Wolverhampton (original home town, should be 
  fun.) 
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole

  BOOK! We told you to buy it last week when the 
  price was about £3 but generating a small sales 
  boost made the algorithm put the price up. 
  Amazon is worse than Noel Gallagher. 
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Your pokes and peeks this week 

  * JOHNNY BALL'S THINK OF A NUMBER - A minimalist 
  text game in which, playing against every other 
  visitor to the site, you must guess the lowest 
  number that no one else guesses today. One of 
  the easier challenges to add to your tottering 
  daily game heap. 
https://limbo.today

  * MADAME CROQUET - What starts out as a relaxing 
  puzzler quickly becomes frustrating, but we 
  ended up getting quite addicted to it, so 
  Graphics 84% Sound 76% Playability 92%. A Crash 
  Smash. 
https://lummie-thief.itch.io/croquet-conundrum

  * WHO'S THAT LADY? - The internet mystery 
  "celebrity number six" has finally been solved. 
  And like all mysteries, they are better left 
  unsolved, as it's more fun thinking Stonehenge 
  was created by aliens rather than knowing it was 
  a bloke called Barry and his 10,000 slaves. 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celebrity_Number_Six

  * THE SYD BARRETT OF 8-BIT CODING, EARLY WORKS - 
  In our second mention of Vic 20s this week we 
  bring you news that an early Matthew Smith game 
  has been found. Yes him who created Manic Miner, 
  however the game is a completely shit version of 
  Pacman that barely works, so it's just an 
  interesting to know thing, rather than 20 extra 
  levels of Eugene's Lair. 
https://www.gamesthatwerent.com/2024/09/monster-mu...

  * WHY WE'RE NEVER LIVING ON MARS - you might be 
  unsurprised to learn that's extremely 
  uninhabitable. Our 2p is that if we ever live 
  outside the Earth for long periods of time it'll 
  be because we've made some very clever robots 
  and it won't be us at all. All hail our ZX81 
  future space children. 
https://defector.com/neither-elon-musk-nor-anybody...

  * HOW TO MONETISE YOUR BLOG - now there's a 
  statement from about 2001, but this is a neat 
  article that demonstrates all the shoddy ads 
  that make everything terrible to read in 
  whatever year we're now in. 
https://modem.io/blog/blog-monetization/

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Brit Pop results 

  Last week we asked you to celebrate the fortune 
  the Gallaghers are making by reforming Hurricane 
  #1. Some good ones included: 

  * This pun from 'hagbardsapple' which got our 
  account temporarily blacklisted on bsky for 
  adult content: 
https://b3ta.com/board/11410663

  * S4RK riffed on Quoasis: 
https://b3ta.com/board/11410676

  * And we liked this one from BRB as we'd deffo 
  watch this, and it's not a million miles from 
  their 'Car Lover' video: 
https://b3ta.com/board/11410685

https://b3ta.com/challenge/britpop/popular/

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Some ideas to kick you off 

  * OBLIQUE STRATEGY CARDS WRITTEN BY CATS - "Push 
  an object off the table" "Stare intently into 
  space as if you're seen a spirit" "Present your 
  owner with a freshly killed robin" "Mew at 4am 
  to be let out, mew at 4:10am to be let back in" 

  * AN OFF SWITCH FOR THE AI SHITE AT THE TOP OF 
  GOOGLE SEARCHES - this is not a gag, we just 
  absolutely hate it. 

  * 'JUST' BEATLES RESEARCH - according to the 
  Hunter Davies book, John Lennon said that you 
  shouldn't use 'just' in a song as it's a fill-in 
  word that doesn't mean anything. We've counted 
  58 Beatles songs which use the word "just" and 
  would like a linguist to go through them 
  one-by-one checking if they add much to the 
  meaning or are a "fill-in". 
 
  Send your missives to the people who read your 
  missives and then sometimes stick them in a 23 
  y/o newsletter. Yep, 23 this week, well the 
  message board anyway. 
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically. 

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK 
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON 
  JAMES* *STOOBERT* 

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN 
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS 
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE 
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY, 
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW, 
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH 

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright, 
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam 
  Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian 
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy 
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna, 
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster, 
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister, 
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien 
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss, 
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David 
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law, 
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith 
  H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor 
  Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus 
  Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain 
  Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James 
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason 
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim 
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe 
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John 
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude 
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad 
  Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway, 
  Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt 
  Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman, 
  Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler, 
  mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross, 
  OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul 
  Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter 
  Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington, 
  pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, 
  Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, 
  RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, 
  sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon 
  McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, 
  Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim 
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom 
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil 
  Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood, 
  Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough, 
  Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote, 
  Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey 
  Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John 
  Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne, 
  Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston, 
  James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, 
  Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, 
  Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig 
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will 
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, 
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, 
  Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner 
  Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, 
  Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam 
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David 
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre 
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor 
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan 
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph 
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul 
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient 
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark 
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, 
  Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy 
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben 
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of 
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John 
  Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David 
  Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, 
  FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh 
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer 
  Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee 
  Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark 
  madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, 
  Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, 
  Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel 
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, 
  Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, 
  Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, 
  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane, 
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase, 
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam 
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris 
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths, 
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria 
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt. 

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round 
  additional links; Monkeon for image challenge 
  help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing 
  by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Cool bananas - Kat) 

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim 
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek 
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger, 
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN 
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua 
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri 
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris 
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil 
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben 
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss, 
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards, 
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special 
  love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST 
  - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel 
  Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant, 
  Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD, 
  and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil 
  McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And 
  Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and 
  PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich 
  Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to 
  the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you 
  to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much 
  appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair 
  Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg 
  Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker, 
  Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE 
  YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian 
  Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank 
  you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson, 
  Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS 
  THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub. 
  BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt & 
  JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell 
  and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka 
  Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super 
  double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria, 
  Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon 
  Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom 
  YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning. 
  AND new thanks to atomic. 

  Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people. 
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/

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: BONUS "STOP BULLYING GINGERS" FESSHOLE

  "Growing up my half brother convinced me the 
  family of ginger kids in the next street - me 
  also being ginger - were from my Dad's previous 
  marriage, but told me not to tell anyone. When 
  Dad died I visited them to let them know. You 
  could imagine the confusion as the lie unfolded" 

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