NEWSLETTER: "COOL PEOPLE READ ASCII NEWSLETTERS, YOU'RE A COOL PERSON"
This Week:
* WEB MYSTERY SOLVED - but should it have been?
* BRIT-POP CHALLENGE - full VOX magazine results
* FESSHOLE - London Xmas-ish show announced
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the webs
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | so we can make a spider
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| museum... together?
B3ta email 921 - 13th Sep 2024
Read this newsletter to your Linux obsessed mum:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue921
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Ever wanted to fly your own starship? Bridge
Command is open in Vauxhall – a live,
interactive starship adventure
https://bit.ly/4en1gGW [sponsored]
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making toe-jam custard
* STATIC RADIO - DngDng writes, "I'm not
entirely sure why I made this, but Radio Static
is a small and ultimately pointless internet
radio that plays nothing but various forms of
static and occasionally some industrial noises
that also kind of sound like static." We're
quite into this idea as it demonstrates how
framing and presentation can lift something.
https://accumulationofthings.com/twine/radio/
* SUPPORT THIS BOOK - our resident
"photoshoppper" Chris Barker tells us "Boris
Johnson has a new book coming out so I thought
I'd jump the gun and get mine out before him.
Meet futur werld king alexander de-pfeffel
jonson and the asorted cads and oiks of st.
cnut"s skool for bois." You might recognise the
visual style if you're very old.
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/dansumption/h...
* WELL DONE TO B3TAN YOUTUBE MAN - Koit writes,
"I've recently hit a massive milestone for me!
I've been a B3TAn for a very long time and
although I'm much more of a lurker these days I
feel as if I can still celebrate here. So with
that, I present the 'strange middle-aged man'
dancing with his animated characters video." In
other news, Salad Fingers has hit two million.
https://b3ta.com/links/Thank_You_For_the_Subs_500_...
* A VIC 20 GAME DISASSEMBLED - that's the raw
adrenaline content we have for you. Robhogan
writes, "A whole book about the tricks, fizz,
and assembly-language skullduggery in Jeff
Minter's classic 'Iridis Alpha'. There are lots
of pretty pictures." Actually we found this
pretty interesting, there's a good 20% of our
readership who'll be into this and the rest will
be baffled. As per usual.
https://iridisalpha.com/
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP *YES,IT'S A SALE*
Buy some clobber
On sale - and there's nothing wrong with any of
this stuff. All properly made in British
factories using quality cloth and skilled hands.
Final stock. Once it's gone, it's gone for good.
Plus they support B3TAN projects and are
therefore good eggs.
https://hebtro.co/its-a-sale/
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: FESSHOLE
Your fesses fessed up for the fuck of it
Each week you type truth and lies into a form
and we pick out a few to share for social media
likes. Some we enjoyed recently included:
* PARKLIFE! - "My girlfriend wants me to
download Life 360 so we know each other has
arrived safely at work and prep dinner when
we've left, etc. I'm running out of excuses as I
don't want her to know that after work I feed
pigeons for half an hour as I have no friends."
* MARRIED WITH CHILDREN - "Now Oasis are talking
again, my husband has just got out all his CDs,
he's currently singing Champagne Supernova, and
walking about like Kevin and Perry, and his soft
Manc accent is more pronounced. Thanks Oasis,
you'll be mentioned at the divorce proceedings."
* HELP THE AGED - "My optician is really hot so,
I got excited when he asked if I was doing
anything this weekend. I replied 'nothing I
can't cancel' with a cheeky wink. He said 'Oh
sorry, I just wanted to know if you're likely to
be wearing your lenses'"
Link goes to the April best of - we are behind
in the monthly best-ofs but we're working our
way through catching up.
https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social/post...
Gigs! We've loads of gigs for sale, Birmingham
up next, then Isle Of Wight (please book this
one, it's really going out on a limb trying to
sell tickets on a small island), Preston, London
just announced (on your editor's birthday too)
and Wolverhampton (original home town, should be
fun.)
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
BOOK! We told you to buy it last week when the
price was about £3 but generating a small sales
boost made the algorithm put the price up.
Amazon is worse than Noel Gallagher.
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Your pokes and peeks this week
* JOHNNY BALL'S THINK OF A NUMBER - A minimalist
text game in which, playing against every other
visitor to the site, you must guess the lowest
number that no one else guesses today. One of
the easier challenges to add to your tottering
daily game heap.
https://limbo.today
* MADAME CROQUET - What starts out as a relaxing
puzzler quickly becomes frustrating, but we
ended up getting quite addicted to it, so
Graphics 84% Sound 76% Playability 92%. A Crash
Smash.
https://lummie-thief.itch.io/croquet-conundrum
* WHO'S THAT LADY? - The internet mystery
"celebrity number six" has finally been solved.
And like all mysteries, they are better left
unsolved, as it's more fun thinking Stonehenge
was created by aliens rather than knowing it was
a bloke called Barry and his 10,000 slaves.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celebrity_Number_Six
* THE SYD BARRETT OF 8-BIT CODING, EARLY WORKS -
In our second mention of Vic 20s this week we
bring you news that an early Matthew Smith game
has been found. Yes him who created Manic Miner,
however the game is a completely shit version of
Pacman that barely works, so it's just an
interesting to know thing, rather than 20 extra
levels of Eugene's Lair.
https://www.gamesthatwerent.com/2024/09/monster-mu...
* WHY WE'RE NEVER LIVING ON MARS - you might be
unsurprised to learn that's extremely
uninhabitable. Our 2p is that if we ever live
outside the Earth for long periods of time it'll
be because we've made some very clever robots
and it won't be us at all. All hail our ZX81
future space children.
https://defector.com/neither-elon-musk-nor-anybody...
* HOW TO MONETISE YOUR BLOG - now there's a
statement from about 2001, but this is a neat
article that demonstrates all the shoddy ads
that make everything terrible to read in
whatever year we're now in.
https://modem.io/blog/blog-monetization/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Brit Pop results
Last week we asked you to celebrate the fortune
the Gallaghers are making by reforming Hurricane
#1. Some good ones included:
* This pun from 'hagbardsapple' which got our
account temporarily blacklisted on bsky for
adult content:
https://b3ta.com/board/11410663
* S4RK riffed on Quoasis:
https://b3ta.com/board/11410676
* And we liked this one from BRB as we'd deffo
watch this, and it's not a million miles from
their 'Car Lover' video:
https://b3ta.com/board/11410685
https://b3ta.com/challenge/britpop/popular/
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* OBLIQUE STRATEGY CARDS WRITTEN BY CATS - "Push
an object off the table" "Stare intently into
space as if you're seen a spirit" "Present your
owner with a freshly killed robin" "Mew at 4am
to be let out, mew at 4:10am to be let back in"
* AN OFF SWITCH FOR THE AI SHITE AT THE TOP OF
GOOGLE SEARCHES - this is not a gag, we just
absolutely hate it.
* 'JUST' BEATLES RESEARCH - according to the
Hunter Davies book, John Lennon said that you
shouldn't use 'just' in a song as it's a fill-in
word that doesn't mean anything. We've counted
58 Beatles songs which use the word "just" and
would like a linguist to go through them
one-by-one checking if they add much to the
meaning or are a "fill-in".
Send your missives to the people who read your
missives and then sometimes stick them in a 23
y/o newsletter. Yep, 23 this week, well the
message board anyway.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
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Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
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Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
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Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
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Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Cool bananas - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
AND new thanks to atomic.
Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: BONUS "STOP BULLYING GINGERS" FESSHOLE
"Growing up my half brother convinced me the
family of ginger kids in the next street - me
also being ginger - were from my Dad's previous
marriage, but told me not to tell anyone. When
Dad died I visited them to let them know. You
could imagine the confusion as the lie unfolded"
