NEWSLETTER: "ONCE AGAIN THE HAM MARKETING BOARD REJECT OUR SLOGAN: SNORTY BUT SLICED"
This Week:
* LOST CONSONANTS - legendary B3ta challenge back
* PRIME NUMBER PROJECT - can you count? Then count
* OFFICIAL AMSTRAD NOSTALGIA SITE - thanks Alan
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the wob
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | wob wob by reviving
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| wwwub step"
B3ta electro-email 929 - 7th Nov 2024
Read this issue whilst thinking about hairy balls:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue929
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making themselves very very tired
indeed
* STOP OR MY POD WILL CAST - Matt Round is doing
a novelty podcast where he invites people to
watch the Stallone movie 'Stop Or My Mom Will
Shoot' and record their reactions. Your editor
and his partner Kat said hell yes, let's do
this, so if you want 45 minutes of two adults
trying to enjoy a movie and then succumbing to
yawning then you're in luck. Matt is also
looking for people to join in, so do get in
touch with him if you fancy having a go.
https://stopormy.mom/podcast/
* DOWNLOAD THIS CARD GAME - dngdng writes, "I
haven't sent you anything in a while, and I'm
not sure if this is the sort of thing you'd want
to include anyway, but I made a sort of cute and
cuddly (and hand drawn and fairly rough) card
game version of 80s role playing board game
classic Hero Quest, for some reason." Ok, we
haven't ever played any roleplaying games, so
can't really judge this, but dngdng's work is
often fun and a lot of work has gone into it so
if it sounds like your thing - get in there:
https://www.patreon.com/posts/115502623
* LOST CONSONANTS IMAGE CHALLENGE RESULTS -
We're always delighted when we get an image
challenge that gets over 100 entries, the trick
really is finding a prompt that's easy to have a
go at, and then actually produces good results.
Easier said than done, so well done to Monkeon
for organising a revival of our old Lost
Consonants challenge, and well done to the sadly
departed Graham Rawle for thinking of the idea
originally.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/morelostconsonants/popu...
BONUS - Read our interview with Graham from a
few years back, christ, twenty-one years ago.
https://b3ta.com/interview/grahamrawle/
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some jeans and support B3ta
Ok, let's dig into the fesshole rejected
submissions for something to quote: "I buy my
hipster jeans from Asda but tell everyone
they're from Fesshole sponsors HebTroCo." This
is fine actually, as the name has clearly gone
into your head - so that's the advertising
working. Hurrah. Keep supporting Hebtro coz they
support us. Quite literally actually as we're
typing this wearing their belt.
https://hebtro.co/product-category/hebtroco-jeans/...
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: FESSHOLE
Your Confessions magazine in assoc w/ Your Horse
Each week you type your bullshit into the Google
Spreadsheet Of Doom and we read it all, and pick
a few out so share on social media dot com. Some
better ones include:
* MAN SANDWICH - "As a gay man, myself and my
husband have a little game. If we are walking
along and see a straight man we both think is
hunky we will make an excuse to separate so they
walk between us. We call this imaginary spit
roast and we have imaginarily shagged thousands
of you."
* YOU WON'T PREDICT THE END (YOU WILL) - "I
assumed my pet budgerigars loved their cage
because it had plenty of food and toys in it. I
let them out for a fly around the garden
assuming they'd come back. They didn't even look
back, they just flew straight away into the
distance."
* REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED LUMPY - "One
school lunch time, another lad stuck his finger
in my mash potato & laughed. Recently I saw the
same lad whilst eating in a greek restaurant. I
walked past his table & without him seeing,
stuck my finger in his humous. Took over 20
years, but I got my revenge."
Follow the account that only has followers
because you mistook it for the funny one which
posts highly realistic photos of Alan Sugar
struggling to use 1980s technology as his
fingers are too big.
https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social/
Come to the shows. Isle Of Wight, London,
Preston, Wolverhampton & Leicester. They're a
lot of fun and there's a good chunk of b3ta
stuff too.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
Buy the book, if only so you have something to
leave in the toilet and go "I know the man who
put this together, well I've been reading their
newsletter for 23 years anyway, and that's as
good as knowing them."
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Your URLs to add your URL scrapbook this week
* AMSTRAD DOT COM IS BACK - Rather enjoyed the
news that Alan Sugar has launched a website to
celebrate the iffy but also wonderful technology
AMSTRAD made through the years. We're slightly
on and off Alan at B3ta towers as politically
he's a bit dodgy. But it makes us happy he's
thrown the world this bone as there's no money
in it, and it shows maybe he does care a tiny
bit about the army of nerds who loved his stuff
in the 1980s.
https://amstrad.com/
* LET'S PLAY XANAGRAMS - this old BBC Micro game
would suit a Wordle one a day thing, as it's the
crap old game we've been playing this week. No
really, it's fun, and we didn't just look it up
wondering about shit old educational games that
we ignored at the time.
https://bbcmicro.co.uk/jsbeeb/play.php
* IMPRESSIVE LCD GAME THINGIE - A really
impressive bit of design work in which a
surprisingly complex game fits into the
limitations of an LCD Game screen. Not the most
playable thing in the world, but lovely stuff
regardless.
https://dukope.itch.io/moida-mansion
* B3TA NOW RUNS PRIME NUMBER NEWS - We have a
new prime number now and these maths nerds are
trying to create a collaborative video of it
being read out before the next one is
discovered. Or before the world burns.
https://saytheprime.com
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to start you off
* TONAL RECALL (THE GAME) - we've noticed that
when we get earworms, we can compare them to the
actual song and often the pitch is about
correct. So, make this into a game: can you
guess the pitch of the GMT pips before hearing
it?
* KIRSTYOTRON2000 - U2's Joshua Tree was
famously sequenced by Kirsty Maccoll who wanted
all the good songs at the start. Why not make an
app that takes Spotify data and orders LPs by
the popular tracks, and also cuts them off at
around 40-44 mins, because no LPs should be
longer than that.
* SAY I'M YOUR NO 1 - a quiz that uses all the
UK no 1s and looks up how many views they've had
on youtube and you have to guess which one has
better or crapper numbers. We say this as there
are forgotten hits there that have left little
cultural trace: no one gives a shit about Sister
Sledge's Frankie for some reason, but a huge hit
in its time.
Go on, email us your project, we've looked at
everything sent in for 23 years and that's a
promise we can make at least. We will look.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (hilariously sleepy
movie-watching experience - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
AND new thanks to atomic.
Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: BONUS "ACTUALLY A FESS" FESSHOLE
"The massive row between me and my wife at her
cousin's wedding was actually staged because I
needed to leave early for a work thing, and she
wanted to get back at her cousin for getting
engaged at our wedding."
