NEWSLETTER: "MAKING 'AWKWARD GESTURES' EVERY FRIDAY SINCE 2001"
* ANTI AI SONG - not written by AI
* COMPANY MERGER CHALLENGE - results
* FOOTER COPYRIGHT API – important tech now here
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Is saving the web a good
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | idea given the hell it's
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| wrought? HELL YES!"
B3ta's e-letter the bow 935 - 24th Jan 2025
Read this issue through a vocoder like a robot:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue935
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making their neighbours move house
* AI SONG NOT WRITTEN BY AI - MJHibbett of Hey
Hey 16k fame writes, "This is all about those AI
Guys who don't understand why other people get
upset when you tell them their activity is
'mundane'". Don't worry, MJ, no one has enough
rampacks to replace you with AI.
https://b3ta.com/links/AI_Guy
* COMIC EZINE - Richard Tingley writes, "I don't
know if it quite fits, but it would be great if
you could feature my zine in the newsletter.
It's on its third issue and it features lots of
new drawings and some of my stuff from over the
last 20 years or so. I think it's quite good."
Long term readers will remember Tingley for his
quality work exclaiming his love for sausages in
Macromedia Flash back when such things were
things.
https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/Tingleyville
* SOME SORT OF WORD PUZZLE - Haydn Kane writes,
"Hi, very long term b3ta lurker here. It's taken
me twenty years to make something I want to
share. I've created a daily word puzzle where
you have to figure out the category that three
mystery words belong to while spending as few
points as possible on revealing letters. You can
also make your own puzzles, try not to be too
silly." Good luck working this out - we
struggled, but we're sure our readership is very
clever.
https://puzzmallow.com
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Go and buy some clothes ok?
Hebtro makes tough clothes, that is clothes
designed to last, and they make them in the UK,
to create jobs locally rather than just sending
off a pattern to be made by borderline slave
labour like a lot of fast-fashion. Support them
and also get some good clobber ok?
https://hebtro.co/
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: FESSHOLE
Confessions thing that got a bit out of hand
We never intended for Fesshole to be big, it was
just some ruse to give the newsletter a section,
like how we used to ask for top tips. Anyway,
what can you do? You either embrace having a
weird tail and showing it to the public for
money, or you hide it in shame, and we're
shaking our tail about for coins. Three favs
recently:
* MARRIED WITH CHILDREN - "I've planned our
wedding to fall on the day of the Oasis concert,
knowing that some family members, that we don't
want at the wedding, have got tickets. So,
they'll be invited, but they'll have to decline
and they'll be frowned on, as they're missing a
wedding for Oasis."
* TELL ME WHY, I DON'T LIKE UNDIES - "Whenever I
pack to go away anywhere I always count out my
boxers 'and one in case I shit myself'. I don't
know why I do this."
* CRIME TIPS - "Not proud of it but I stole from
rich peoples' houses in the 90s, for which I
served time. One bloke was convinced it was a
wind up & I was his mate Joe in a mask. He said
things like 'don't take the wife's jewellery in
the cupboard over there mr thief'. Easiest job I
ever did."
Follow the account with about 80k followers on
BlueSky, which is about the same as the
population as Weston-super-Mare and just as
likely to shag their siblings.
https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social/
** Come to the FESSHOLE shows: ***
Wolverhampton - Newhampton Arts - 30th January
2025
Leicester - Y Theatre - 7th February 2025
Preston - The Continental - 12th March 2025
Swansea - Elysium Gallery - 17th April 2025
Tiverton - Comedy Hall - 5th July 2025
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
Buy the book that no library has stocked because
they are COWARDS. Nah, libraries are great,
visit your local library today. You can read
books you know, just read them, in the warm for
free. It's a space that capitalism hasn't
totally claimed.
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
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: SITES IN BRIEF
More hyper-link fun for your Netscape GOLD Pro
* REALISTIC INTERNET SIMULATOR 2025 - Neal
Dotfun has decided we're not all burnt out
enough and made a sensory overload simulator in
the form of a clicker. Very well done, but it
felt like walking into an amusement arcade as an
adult and gave us a migraine.
https://neal.fun/stimulation-clicker/
* ARE YOUR BOOZY NIGHTS OUT DOOMED? - Go to a
gallery opening in the style of Doom. The most
realistic drinking simulator since Bozo's Night
Out on the C64. A short video of the gameplay
went viral, but the whole experience is
available to play here.
https://bobatealee.itch.io/doom-the-gallery-experi...
* BENNY & BJORN'S 'CHESS THE MUSICAL' COMPUTER
GAME - A lovely concept, albeit one which is
pretty easy to win in practice. You must get to
the exit whilst avoiding the bad guys who can
only move around the room like chess pieces.
https://aslangames.itch.io/chess-escape
* WHAT IS IT IT, ACTUALLY? - A pisstake of
software-as-a-service stuff that'll make some
devs in your life produce knowing rofl-chuckles.
https://getfullyear.com/
* THIS IS FIRE CONTENT - 2025 is likely going to
be a bin-fire, so start early by enjoying this
actual bin-fire, built to scale. Still, at least
it's not 2026 which is likely to be worse, and
the bin fire closer to your genitals.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* DEAR SIR OR MADAM - Enjoy these series of
comedy letters to The Metro newspaper which a
writer pulled off by abusing their "missed
connections" bit for his own, and now our,
merriment.
https://bsky.app/profile/seamas.bsky.social/post/3...
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Company Mergers
Here's the best images from last week:
* NINJ is making sure that we don't alienate our
lady readers
https://b3ta.com/board/11414475
* HAPPYTOAST brings us the end game of gig
culture capitalism
https://b3ta.com/board/11414420
* LEFTABIT brings us content to make the twats
on X dunk tweet our posts
https://b3ta.com/board/11414440
* See all the other images from the 'Company
Mergers' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/companymergers/popular
>> This week: Britain : The 51st State of
America <<
What if Britain became the 51st state of the
USA? How would things become more American in
these Trumpy times? Suggested by
HeyManPutEmOldThingsBack.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/britainthe51ststateofame...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Your ideas we've made up this week
* STUFF THAT'S CLOSER TO WW2 THAN NOW-O-TRON -
anything before 1985 is now the war era. You
could automate this with a pile of Wikipedia
data, some maths and a social media account.
Make everyone feel so old that they've gone to
put on their slippers.
* HOW FAST CAN YOU TYPE 'LIZ TRUSS CRASHED THE
ECONOMY'? - Build a typing game where you get a
point for every time you type "Liz Truss crashed
the economy" and it stores up the numbers so
that says "The total amount of time spent typing
'Liz Truss crashed the economy'" is now 14 times
longer than Truss's 51 day premiership."
* TORY HART'S FAVOURITE COLOUR - We read a thing
the other day saying artists shouldn't have a
favourite colour and thought what poppycock. So
calculate artists' favourite colours by
averaging all their paintings. And also, if you
fancy making art, remember do use your favourite
colours and fuck off to the ones you don't like.
Make stuff. Tell us about it. Become "newsletter
famous".
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Back in black - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
AND new thanks to atomic.
Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: BONUS "COCKY" FESSHOLE
"My 12 yo son is getting a bit too cocky &
thinks he's hard. When I make his packed lunch
I've been cutting his sandwiches into teddy bear
shapes to bring him down a peg."
