NEWSLETTER: "A SENTENCE THAT MAKES YOU LAUGH AND THINK YEAH I WILL READ THIS NEWSLETTER"
* UK NUKES - get alerted first if things pop
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Cartoon spin-off results
* NY MAYOR ELECTION - simulation fun for all
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web by
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | taking brass rubbings of
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|the rude bits... together"
B3ta electro email newsletter 952 - 27th June 2025
Read this issue on your Currah Microspeech:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue952
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Your URLs to click this week, URL-clickers
* IS OR WAS - THE WIKIPEDIA-BASED CELEBRITY
MORTALITY GAME - Dave Bagpuss writes, "I had
already posted this here years ago, but since
then due to my awful code and neglect it had
stopped working. But because I think it is quite
fun HERE IT IS AGAIN at a new URL. Look at the
celebrity faces. Can you remember if they are
still kicking about, or have shuffled off this
mortal coil? Every day Wikipedia is checked to
find out the latest celeb to have kicked the
bucket."
https://is-or-was.bagpuss.org
* SHEEPGATE - Raould writes, "another game by
the same team as PN0GSTR0M". This is clearly
downwind of the world of Llamatron
sheep-botherer Jeff Minter and it feels quite
underground these days to launch a web project
on an IP address. Yeah man, let's get high on
8-bit numbers.
http://18.190.219.255/
* ANIMATED PORTRAITS MADE FROM FILM POSTERS -
Dunk3D has done another of his terrible clever
compilations where he lines up people in film
posters to make them look like they are turning
their heads. We've explained this terribly,
watch it, it'll make sense.
https://b3ta.com/links/Star_Turns_GIF_Compilation_...
* BEST FESSHOLES NOW ON INSTAGRAM - Speaking of
Dave Bagpuss, this is now the Dave Bagpuss
newsletter as he's helped us make an Instagram
version of Fesshole, which posts a carousel of
the best fesses each day. This link takes you to
the best of May, to give you something meaty to
dig into.
https://www.instagram.com/p/DLXsV1PIeKd/
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some clothes ok?
Each week we ask you to clothe yourself in the
finest togs from Hebtro, who make all their gear
in the UK, to the highest standards. So kit
yourself out in some long-wearing jeans, thick
shirts and belts that are strong enough to
strangle a horse. But please don't do that.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
Your fesses fessed up
Each week we beg you to stop fessing and you
refuse, typing more and more into our Google
form and forcing us to publish the worst:
* ALWAYS BE THINKING - "Doctor says I need to do
more exercise, but I'm terrified of having a
heart attack in the middle of nowhere and not
being found until I'm dead. So I walk the
corridors of my local large hospital knowing
that I'd be treated in seconds if I collapse.
People think I work there."
* GOBBLE GOBBLE - "The only time my wife goes
down on me is Father's Day, and while I
appreciate the gesture something feels a bit
off."
* OH NO, I BLEW A DEFINITE SHAG - "As a teen the
boy I fancied told me he wished he could
practice unhooking a bra. Went round to his when
his parents were out & was taken to his room for
'privacy' at which point I unveiled the Tesco
bag full of my mum's bras for him to practice
on. WHY DID I DO THAT?"
Follow the account that has 120,000 followers on
Threads, the slightly less cool alternative to
Bluesky, that's weirdly popular with normal
people who don't post as intensely.
https://www.threads.com/@fesshole
Come to the shows. It's Leeds next, then
Worthing, Liverpool & Diss. Really looking
forward to Leeds as it'll be your editor's first
visit since getting kicked out of University
there for being an absolutely fucking useless
student who sat around in a smelly kitchen with
Joel Veitch instead of attending lectures.
Still, that directly led to B3ta, so it's not
all good.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
And of course buy the books that some fool on
Amazon has described as a "pure undiluted elixir
of odd stuff" which is also how the NHS recently
describes our discharge.
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
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: SITES IN BRIEF
'URL, you'll be on Wogan soon'
* MAKING TIMELY CONTENT IS A NIGHT-MAYOR -
Making a topical game always comes with the
horrible stress of getting it out in time, and
this one about the New York mayoral election had
about 3 days of relevance before being over.
Still *kind-of* topical, we guess.
https://radiatoryang.itch.io/cuomo
* USE A RAINFOREST OF WATER TO WORK OUT WHETHER
YOU SHOULD WEAR GALOSHES - At last! AI has found
a use case. If you live in New York, you can now
use the wisdom of crowds to decide whether it's
going to be nice out. From the guy who brought
you Bop Spotter that everyone loved, but was
then semi-cancelled for his role in deploying
his nerd skills to dob in Luigi Mangione.
https://walzr.com/weather-watching
* HAS THE UK BEEN NUKED YET - Rather more effort
has gone into this site than we were expecting,
as they've actually built a detector to keep it
updated. iseveryonedeadyet . com would have been
a better domain name, though. Those people who
host sites from a nuclear bunker should sponsor
it. Also we quite enjoyed where this project is
set, it's all very provincial, which is fair
enough, it's not just metropolitan epicentres
like Sheffield under threat from nuclear
armageddon.
https://www.hasanukegoneoff.com/
* PADLOCK YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA WITH EMBARRASSMENT -
This website asks you to scream "I'm a loser"
every time you want to use social media. Next
week let's purloin the same technology to make
you scream "I WANT A WANK!" to open the Daily
Mail.
https://chromewebstore.google.com/detail/scream-to...
* REAL LIFE ADBLOCK - the technology we've all
imagined is slowly coming: the ability to block
out ads in real life, but only if you wear some
terrible Facebook glasses. Still, the 'they
live' reality comes closer when we can finally
get ads for Colgate toothpaste replaced with
messages going "dentist$ want you to have rotten
teeth. Follow the money."
https://sidequestvr.com/app/43239/real-life-ad-blo...
* FINALLY, PLAY YOUR OLD NES GAMES IN 3D - some
quite neet technology here, B3ta towers will
only love it when we can play Oric Atom games in
the fourth dimension, and that dimension is sex.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Cartoon Spin-offs
Here's the best images from last week:
* 'Fitzpirate' has made us lol and feel a bit
sad - like an Adam Curtis documentary in a
single panel
https://b3ta.com/board/11418615
* 'HappyToast' is riffing on Seattle's favourite
terrible sex-pest boss
https://b3ta.com/board/11418557
* 'Atomic' is reminding us that Star Trek is at
its best when it's the Kirk kicking the shit out
of some alien scum
https://b3ta.com/board/11418538
* See all the other images from the 'Cartoon
Spin-offs' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/cartoonspinoffs/popular
>> This week: Disco <<
It's a one-word challenge this week as we look
at the world of disco, so get down on
(Photoshopping) it. Suggested by Ya What.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/disco/popular
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: ASK B3TA
We're bring back 'Ask Jeeve's incompetently
* ANAL HEADS - Elly.morrow writes, "I remember
you used to a whole section about when someone
puts their head up someone"s arse - I can"t
remember the slang term for it - can you please
enlighten me." Did we, do you mean goatse
corner? That's the only thing we can think of.
But Goatse means to pull your butt cheeks apart
with your hands, whilst wearing a wedding ring.
* WETHERSPOONS ESCAPE - paul@32moves writes,
"I'm fascinated by places like Point Nemo, the
point in the ocean that is furthest away from
land, anywhere on Earth. My question for b3ta
is, what is the location in the UK furthest away
from a Wetherspoons? You seem like you might
just instinctively know this." Our gut feeling
is there is a boring answer that involves being
on one of the northern islands off Scotland, but
a mainland answer would be more interesting. If
any data scientists want to tackle this with
science and data, then please be our guest.
* ARMLESS QUESTION - leo@vegoda writes, "Why do
we have upper arms and forearms? Surely it
should be upper and lower, or fore and aft?" You
have arms Leo? We at B3ta have mandibles.
If you have any questions, or answers to these,
like a more rubbish version of the Guardian's
Notes & Queries then please mail us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to make you make stuff ok?
* AI ART POLICE - we were recently disappointed
to notice that one of our favourite musicians is
using AI art to promo their new kickstarter and
we couldn't face giving him a hard time about
it, so can someone else take this up? People
submit examples and someone else can apply the
pressure.
* MAKE JASON DONOVAN DO THIS - a recently Anon
Opin said: "I honestly think that if Jason
Donovan rereleased his 1989 song "too many
broken hearts in the world" but the replaced the
words 'broken hearts' with 'fucking cunts' he's
got a worldwide hit on his hands." Maybe you're
his old coke dealer and can strongarm him into
this?
* ELITE SOLITAIRE - we were thinking about
playing Elite, as we quite like the trading
aspect, but can't be arsed with all that
spaceflight bit and realised if the game was
real, you probably wouldn't do the flying
yourself and computers would do it, and you'd be
playing Solitaire. Now that's a game we'd play,
space trading and card games between planets.
Tell us about your work and we'll tell the
world.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (urgh urgh urgh - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
AND new thanks to atomic.
Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: BONUS "SIGHT GAG" FESSHOLE
"I am fully blind. Sometimes when I meet a new
person for the first time and they ask why, I'll
tell them that I lost my sight from masturbating
too much as a teenager. My sighted friends tell
me the looks on their faces are priceless."
