NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER THAN HAS BEEN INVADING GREENLAND WITH TWO COPIES A WEEK SINCE 2001"
* POLITICAL VIDEO GAMES - challenge results
* FORGOTTEN NO 1s - and we don't mean big poos
* DIY TV GUIDE - What films are on the Beeb?
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web by
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | send photocopies of nudie
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ladies to Blue Peter"
B3ta newsletter 977 - 1st Feb 2026
Read this issue in robot voice doing robot dance:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue977
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making farts that smell like Hitler
* IS THERE A FILM ON THE BBC TONIGHT? - Your
editor hasn't watched much terrestrial TV since
the early 2000s and writes, "I was an early
adopter in downloading telly and now realise
with so few kids watching it, it's in danger of
dying out, so I've decided to start a campaign
to watch real telly again, but wasn't sure what
was on, so I've bodged together a thing that
tells me if there's a film-like thing on the BBC
tonight." You could have just bought the TV
Times Rob, but no, you had to make a project out
of it, like some kind of weirdo writing about
yourself in the third person.
https://isthereafilmonthebbctonight.robmanuel.work...
* FORGOTTEN NO 1 RECORDS - martinburch writes,
"Hello, do you remember "SAY I'M YOUR NO 1" from
B3TA 932? I may be several years too late to
STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE, but I finally made
the game." Ah yes, this was based on our
assertion that some No 1's massively fade from
memory like Sister Sledge's Frankie. Four weeks
at no 1. No one gives a shit about it now. Our
culture but dust in the rain.
http://numberones.martinburch.com
* NEWS OR FAKE NEWS - sinisterduck writes,
"Every Wednesday I run a live software
development podcast and we have a new section
where we take tech news headlines and discuss if
they are real or made up. You can also play
along now."
https://devrel.wearedevelopers.com/live/play-fake-...
* YOUR SINCLAIR MAGAZINE - Sloanysoft writes,
"Issue 4 of ZX Spectrum magazine Break Space has
been released. 56 brand new ZX Spectrum games
reviewed" That's extraordinary really, probably
more games out on the ZX Spectrum now than in
1988. Maybe.
https://breakspace.itch.io/break-space-issue-4
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some clothes
Hebtro clothes are built to last, made in the
UK, and are ideal as presents. You should buy
them because they're good eggs who support the
B3ta newsletter, plus you'll have some cool
threads.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
The confessions that won't stop
Back in 1982 we started a Ceefax page called
Fesshole where perverts would phone up and leave
horrible messages, which we'd type up on a BBC
Micro to beam them into your TV sets on page
069. This isn't that project, this is a tribute.
* BROKEN FRIENDSHIPS - "Broke up with someone
because we went out for a curry with friends and
he karate chopped the plate of poppadoms 'so we
could all share' despite there being more than
enough to have 2 each. I don't need that in my
life."
* EXCELLING AT WORK - "I used to send a
spreadsheet to the Exec Team with 'Fuck Off' in
the very bottom right hand cell, white text on a
white cell. Nearly got caught out when my boss
couldn't email it to external auditors, failing
the email profanity filter. IT never worked out
why it wouldn't send."
* PLEASE MAKE THIS A BLOG - "Engineer here. I've
stayed in 14 Travelodges over the past couple of
years for work. In every room I've stayed in,
I've unscrewed the bland corporate art over the
bed and rehung it upside down."
Follow the account that has 101k followers on
BlueSky, which means it's the fourth most
popular version of the project, but hey, your
admin can't be arsed to hang out on Threads and
Instagram.
https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social
COME AND SEE THE SHOWS - Fesshole Live will tour
Leicester on 14 February 2026, followed by Leeds
on 4 March, Luton on 12 March, and Glasgow on 16
March, before heading to Sweden for dates in
Malm on 23 April, Gteborg on 24 April, and
Stockholm on 25 April. Anon Opin Live will also
appear in Leicester on 12 and 13 February 2026,
with a further date in Glasgow on 17 March. AND
JUST ANNOUNCED! CAMBRIDGE!
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
Buy the books, red and yellow, like goth lorries
in Leeds.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/s
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Your internet URLs to type in this week
* HEAVY HEAVY MONSTER SOUND - In case b3ta has
any teenage subscribers, this site lets you
generate random cans of Monster, the foul
smelling energy drink that the garage near me
offers as part of their horrific sounding
breakfast deal.
https://monster.rknight.me/
* WHAT'S MY MURDER FACE? - Create your
self-portrait using a 1983 Identi-Kit set. And
do so whilst listening to completely
inappropriate music, for no obvious reason.
https://bobatealee.itch.io/identinet
* RACE MY RUBBISH HORSE - This site lets you
draw your own horse and see it run free with all
the other horses (best of all the animals). The
info panel lets you turn on those that failed to
pass their looks-like-a-horse test, turning it
into a beautiful parade, with surprisingly few
cocks. Could do with a bit of marching band
music as you watch, though.
https://gradient.horse/
* MTV VS EARLY INTERNET - An enjoyable article
about the early internet which mentions Gopher,
which along with Usenet was this editor's early
internet experience. Although we're too young
and pretty for BBSs.
https://cybercultural.com/p/1993-mtv-internet/
* YOU ARE THE ROAD - a variant on a road racing
game but you're the road, well more accurately
you get to place obstacles on the road and fuck
shit up. We'd like to be the road please.
Imagine being smooth tarmac. Nice.
https://tanoe-games.itch.io/are-you-roady
* PLEASE STOP THIS - person who made the
horrific 'foldy bird' where you had to fold your
phone to flap your wings in a flappy bird clone,
has attempted to out do themselves in tech
destroying games, which an archery game where
you reload and fire by pulling your charging
cable in and out. We're actually feeling
traumatised.
https://bsky.app/profile/rebane2001.bsky.social/po...
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Political Video Games
Here's the best images from last week:
* 'S4RK' riffs on the second best film ever made
(the best is Spinal Tap)
https://b3ta.com/board/11424810
* 'Monkeon' riffs on the third best game made
for the ZX SPectrum (The best is Manic Miner and
the second is Adrian Mole)
https://b3ta.com/board/11425011
* And 'Plakton' considered damp Kompromat
https://b3ta.com/board/11424757
* See all the other images from the 'Political
Video Games' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/politicalvideogames/popu...
>> This week: Public Domain Week <<
Popeye and Steamboat Willy era Mickey have made
the jump to horror movies, but what else can we
do with beloved characters and artworks that
have fallen into the merciless hands of Joe
Public? Let's Photoshop stuff that's in the
public domain. Suggested by Captain Howdy.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/publicdomainweek/popular
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
Follow ups on previous stories
* Greenbat writes, "20th July will mark 25 years
of the B3ta newsletter. I've been using the
wayback machine to look through them, and see
what sites were captured, and there's some
proper gold in there. Have you thought of doing
a 25 years ago section? Highlights include the
obvious (early Weebl/Rathergood etc), baby Tom
Scott, Brian Mungs Nunlander and a link in issue
80 asking for people to play zombies in Simon
Pegg's new film project." It's crossed our mind
a few times but mainly it's just time, so many
other things to do and looking back isn't our no
1 priority. However if someone else wants to do
some looking back, then do that looking back and
tell us about it. Have fun nosing.
* Dave Brain (Ornsack) @ornsack.bsky.social
says, "A short film I did visual effects on -
'Doppelgnger' is being shown on Sunday at 10pm
on BBC Three. People still watch traditional
television, right? It'll be on the iPlayer
thereafter and repeated a bunch as per BBC
Three."
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: BEST ANON OPIN, FEATURING REPLIES
It's the opinion bin
* OLD JOKES ARE THE BEST JOKES - "The cardboard
tubes in toilet rolls should have jokes printed
on them like lolly sticks used to." Best reply?
"Why did the baker have brown hands? Because he
kneaded a poo" (thx Chris)
* VIZ SHOULD DO THIS - "The real test of whether
you're getting old is if you can still read Viz
without a magnifying glass. They should produce
a large print A3 version. No joke." Best reply?
"Have you tried unfeasibly large spectacles?"
(thx Drivelcast)
* WE'VE ALL THOUGHT IT - "No complete & utter
genius has pissed away their career quite like
Chevy Chase." Best reply? "Yes, I can't believe
he never released any more music after You Can
Call Me Al" (thx Drivelcast)
Follow the account that we started before
Fesshole, and that Fesshole is basically a
refined version of, and then we applied some of
that learning back to Anon. Confusing huh?
https://bsky.app/profile/anonopin.bsky.social
Anyway, a reminder we're doing some Anon Opin
shows too, in Glasgow and Leicester. Come, like
a motherfucker.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* Does my name mean anything rude in a foreign
language? - Alistair Coleman asks, "running your
name through the whole of Google Translate and
informing you that people in Laos think it's
hilarious that you sound like "Itchy Arsehole
Man". Came to me while looking through the
newsroom Funny Stories scrapbook from 25 years
ago, where there was a South Korean official
called Lee Ki Bum. It's got to work both ways,
right?"
* A FANTASY EVIL TRADER GAME WE THOUGHT UP - so
you buy sell pretend bitcoin that's linked to
real prices, but the clever bit is you start
with a fake 1,000 to play with, and you can buy
more fake money with real money once you're a
bit addicted. And now the really clever bit, we
monitor who's a "good trader" and use their
trades to buy real bitcoin with our profits.
Yeah ok, don't actually make this. It's evil.
* AN OLD GAME BUT WITH A NEW DETAIL THAT MAKES
IT FRESH AGAIN - we enjoyed reading about how
Thrust on the BBC was created from a variation
on Gravitar. This is how new ideas are made,
learn from this.
https://superchartisland.com/thrust/
Tell us about your projects and we'll tell a few
more people.
https://b3ta.com/mailus
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *MARK MCCREADIE* *MR
PHIL DONNELLY* *STOOBERT* *DION ASHTON* *MARK*
*24-7 DEATH* *DAVID GREEN* and *GUB~GUB*.
MARK ADAMSON, IAN SHEEN, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, CARL DENCH, MICHAEL TRINDER, MIKE
STRINGER, MICHAEL KITT, and AUSTIN HOFEMAN.
BevS, Tom Dolan, Chris Carline, lee burnett,
Paul Cherry, Tom Wright, Matthew Wilkes, Kev
Adams, Rich, DoHa, Dave Nattriss, Dan Stott,
Konrad Petrusewicz, David Ault, '@mattdawhit,
Adam Lloyd, Anna, Chris Evans, d@m0, Dave
Tickle, David Catley, David Mills, Derek Law,
Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Gia Milinovich, Greg
Neilson, Iain Brassington, Iain Ruxton, Ivan
Kelly, James Donnelly, Jason Stewart, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jude Evans, Kate
Devlin, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan,
Matthew Collinge, Matthew Morris, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, Paul Smith, peter wouda,
pookong, Ricardo Autobahn, Rich Pope, Richard
Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk,
Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall, Simon waterfall,
Stuart Ashen, the wub, Tim Jokl, Tom Ryan, Wil
Hadden, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Craig
Turner, fourstar71, Jonty Wareing, Stevey
Garland, Helen Gaskell, Ben Ward, Andy Tillett,
Stafford Lawrence, Simon Balch, omnipiss, Claire
Turner, James Heaver, Phil Lovell, Jon Morris
Smith, Stuart, Mellyfish, Phillip Spowart, Roy
Santos, Daniel Calvin, Rich Corcoran, John Daly,
nevillebartos, Geoff Tidey, Ian Walker, Leighton
Stevenson, Funny_Hat, Gillian Parrott, Phil
Bennett, Matt, Benjamin Blundell, Katie
Steckles, Luka Mikec, Stuart, Simon Howard,
Peter Henningsen, Kier Fox, tom yeoldeforge, C
Bond, lucas seven, mattcox303, Robert van Dijk,
Richie Hindle, Patrick Hudson, Gerry Spencer,
Ian Walker, Paul Martyn, John Davies, DrumGui76,
Harry Simpson, Paul Pod, Tom Loosemore, Mark
Arnold, and collin.
Also thanks to the 78 lovely people who didn't
opt to be thanked by name: NM, BB, JB, GT, SR,
JF, CW, LA, CJ, ES, MC, SF, JB, CO, AD, AS, AR,
CN, DM, DS, HA, IS, JM, NH, PR, SM, MC, MB, AC,
CK, DG, DC, NK, CA, IB, BG, BS, CC, CZ, DH, DP,
DE, EN, GS, GF, IO, JE, JL, JB, LB, LE, LJ, MM,
MB, MF, NJ, OL, PB, PW, PB, RT, RA, RM, RS, SC,
SR, SW, TB, TH, WI, AH, CW, RP, TK, VW, BC, SE,
and BB. You are all legends.
And also thanks to our newest benefactors:
collin, Mark Arnold, DrumGui76, Patrick Hudson,
John Davies, Paul Pod, Tom Loosemore, Gerry
Spencer, Harry Simpson, and Paul Martyn.
YOUR NAME COULD BE HERE - Remember you TOO can
contribute to the Patreon, it means your editor
can afford to write this newsletter thing as it
takes time and effort. Getting in some rubles
makes such a difference.
http://patreon.com/b3ta
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (NP Rob - Kat)
And remember to subscribe, and tell your friends
to subscribe. Even tell your enemies, especially
tell them wankers.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: BONUS "K AND THE GANG" FESSHOLE
"A few years back, I was singing Kunt & the
Gang's 'Use my arsehole as a c**t' to myself
while lubing up the Xmas turkey with butter.
Normal. What better time for the mother-in-law
to walk in? We have NEVER mentioned it, obv, but
every festive season I remember and die inside."
Best reply? "I'm a builder, back in the mid
'90's we were working for a wealthy well to do
couple, out of the blue my workmate says 'if you
woke up one morning and your missus had a cock,
would you suck it ?!' Just as the lady owner
walked around the corner. She said 'what a
dilemma, would you like a cup of tea?" (thx
LarkinBloom)
