» Evil Pranks

O My God, they got the union in....
It was a joke. It started with a very bored Siouxfan having a fag in the fag room of a Publishing company ( a large one that shall remain nameless) during a break. Then deciding to start a rumour.
I thought the best thing was to start something so utterly preposterous, no one would believe it but it may amuse them momentarily. Given the environment we worked in, Health and Safety were always on the case, so I decided to use them as a foil.
"Have you heard?" I announced. "Reception have complained about us using the coffee machine by reception, they say it causes an unsightly mess." pauses for effect. "So we will have to use the one on the first floor."
Much consternation amongst colleagues.
"Yeah but the best bit is that Health & Safety say its not legal for us to be carrying hot drinks up and down a concrete stairway due to potential spillage and the likelihood of us slipping. So we will be issued with special rubber galoshes to wear over our shoes for when we go to get drinks"
Silence for a moment and I take a drag on my fag shaking my head sagely.I was toally unprepared for what came next as the clamour of outraged voices hurt my ears.
Next thing there was a team meeting. I kept schtum. Next thing there was a department meeting, I kept schtummer. Next thing there was a union meeting, sadly I had to miss as I was 'going to the dentist'. About a month later no one could work out where it came from or what started the kerfuffle and senior management were seriously perplexed.
One good thing, we got a spaking new coffee machine as reassurance that we were perfectly ok to use it near reception at any time....

ahem.

So sorry to anyone reading this who I cruelly abused in my pathetic attempt to stave off boredom.
(Fri 14th Dec 2007, 12:33, More)

» Shoplifting

I must have passed it on in my genes
My daughter age 4. In the local convenience store. I am selecting yoghurts she wanders down the aisle. I hear laughter coming from the guy behind the counter.
Apparently she has tried to get a packet of cheese n onion crisps and a can of coke (things that are not freely available at home) into her coat pocket.
The moment I turn round she is trying to hand the shopkeeper a 2p piece saying "Its OK Mom, I've got money."
(Fri 11th Jan 2008, 12:56, More)

» Lies I told on my CV

Not quite but almost
I was six and had heard the word 'prosititute' asked my mom, who was one of life's good guys, what it meant. Her explanation of it as being 'someone who loves people who have no one to love them' - made me think they were like nurses or something and this was therefore a calling or vocation.
Hence my resonse when we were asked in class group discussion what our parents did and what we wanted to do when we grew up....
Young Siouxfan, "My dad is an engineer, my mom is a teacher and I want to be a prostitute"

My poor mom had some majot explaining to do to my intenseley Catholic school head teacher...
(Fri 7th Jul 2006, 11:22, More)

» Going Too Far

Last one, I swear..
Train Bham New St to Sutton.
I like many others, attract nutters on public transport. Not interesting nutters who fascinate and inspire. Bad, smelly nutters who scare and intimidate me.
Anyway, sat on train with an empty seat beside me. Obligatory ntter gets on and everyone relaxes knowing he is going to sit by me. Of course he does. Gibbering and wheezing.
Feeling panicky, I try to think of how I can stop him talking to me and remember my trusty walkman. If I slip that on then he can't talk to me as I can't hear him. Damn the batteries have gone...o never mind he won't know and I am off the hook of having to igore the clearly mentally ill person sat next to me farting.
I wrestle it out of my bag and for 15 mins or so feign music, by gently tapping foot and/nodding head to imaginery Cure songs.
I notice after a while that people are givine ME the nutter avoidance look...including the nutter. How odd I think and persevere with my imaginery music-fest. (I have moved onto Smiths now)
When I stand to exit the train, I realise why everyone is avoiding my face and generally looking worried. The lead/jack to my headphones is lying on the floor and I have been tapping my foot etc for 15 mins...
(Mon 13th Nov 2006, 11:41, More)

» Body Mods

Only a pierced ear but I nearly crashed my car
My right earring, very large silver hoop managed to loop through my jumper as I turned to the right, making it impossible to turn my head to the left....It was so firmly caught up I couldn't free it one handed, I needed to stop.
The one time you need a red traffic light and was there one? Nope. 3 miles of greens and me driving like Gladstone Small.
(Wed 6th Dec 2006, 12:06, More)