» Cars

"Nice car!"
A recent trip to the US....

Went to pick up our rental car from Hertz at Denver Airport. Although we'd booked the car in advance, I was a little worried. The entire parking lot appeared to be empty. It was Labor Day weekend and I guess everyone had decided to rent a car. The staff looked a little worried when we asked to pick up the compact we'd booked and there was a whispered conversation between the reception person and the manager. All we caught was "Well we'll just have to give them that one." This was worrying - I was envisaging being handed the last clunker in the shop, a motoring liability with the handling of a drunk supermarket trolley and a propensity to break down at the drop of a hat. The receptionist returned - "It's your lucky day" she said. We had just landed a brand new, 2010 model, Chevvy Camaro for the same price our Hyundi compact would have been!

There follows two weeks of people stopping to engage us in conversation about the car, invariably started with the comment "Nice car!" All sorts of people - from a silver-haired guy reminiscing about his Camaro back in the 60s to a bunch of tattooed Harley riders. Always - "Nice car!"

On the last day before I had to hand it back, we were waiting at a set of lights and a van pulled up alongside - custom paintjob, chrome alloys, the works. The passenger leans out. "Nice car! What you got under the hood?" He and the driver look like they have just stepped off the set of The Shield - latinos with tatts and bling. I answer that I have no idea (I find out later it is 3.6 litres). He asks "You wanna go?" I have never been asked to race before, not in the UK, let alone the States. I know I shouldn't (hell, I'd already been told off about speeding in a National Park), but for a moment, testosterone stupidity kicked in and as the lights went green I floored the gas. I left him for dead on the line, but after about 100 metres, British reserve and licence-preservation kicked in and I slowed leaving him to flash by. Adrenalin rush over, we drove to Hertz to drop the car off. As I handed the car keys back, I had to say it - "Nice car!"

[Cherry goes *pop*]
(Tue 27th Apr 2010, 9:21, More)

» Conversation Killers

Bollocks! Oh, never mind....
Many moons ago, supervising the door at a gig at my college, I spot Mick Jones of The Clash, *the* band of the moment, looking a little lost. I wandered over and asked "Not coming in then?" He pointed out that he needed to be signed in by the holder of a valid NUS card (we'd had a little problem with non-students trashing the place at previous gigs and we could do that for ourselves, thank you very much!). "No probs" says I, "I'll sign you in". I did, and Mick disappeared, promising to buy me a pint. I didn't believe for a moment he would but, five minutes later, he reappeared with a pint for me. Wow!

We got to talking and it was going well until, in my stupid star-struck mind I though I'd ask "So how did you get to join the Clash?". An icy curtain descended, "I *formed* the Clash" hissed Mick and walked off to talk to someone sensible.

At least I managed to stop myself from calling out "I knew that...."
(Wed 18th May 2011, 13:58, More)

» Getting Old

Your feet's too old...
A few years bac in my mid-40s and walking past a shop in New York that sold skate gear, I spied a pair of Etnies that just shouted "Buy me!". I went in and asked the assistant if he had a pair of my chosen style in size 11. He said he was certain had them in that size and then said "Are these for your son or a nephew?" *That*was the moment I realised I had definitely crossed the age divide. He then went for broke and asked my wife and I (both Brits) what part of Australia we were from...
(Sat 9th Jun 2012, 1:25, More)

» Winning

So nearly...
Not me, but a golf-mad friend, won a Callaway Big Bertha driver by answering a question on a radio show. The club was duly delivered one morning so he allowed himself a moment to unwrap his new toy and stare at it before he put it back in the box and set off for work.

Arriving home that evening, he was all fired up and about to head off to the driving range but he couldn't find the club anywhere. That's when his wife admitted to taking a load of stuff to the municipal dump, including what she thought was the 'empty' packaging containing his prize. A frantic trip to the dump failed to turn up the missing £200 club that he had owned for only a few hours and held for mere seconds.

Perhaps there is a dustman in Bury whose golf handicap has come on in leaps and bounds in the past months....
(Fri 29th Apr 2011, 8:04, More)

» The B3ta Cookbook

Food is Fuel
Recipe from a friend (Hi Rick!):

1. Make up one pot of chicken chow mein Pot Noodles as per directions.
2. In a pan, heat through the contents of a tin of corned beef hash and a tin of baked beans.
3. When all is piping hot, combine into one God-forsaken travesty of a meal and consume greedily.

And he was sober....
(Tue 3rd Jul 2012, 13:15, More)