b3ta.com user steveeeee
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» Your Weirdest Teacher

ninja nutter and latin humper
my first english teacher at secondary school was actually fairly normal, apart from she used to show us a bruce lee film once a term. that and she claimed to have a sword in her bag, and if we ever touched it she would have to cut our hands off. (un)fortunately we never got to confirm this story as she never left us in the room with the bag.

also our latin teacher was a grade a mentalist, though he didn't always show it. as well as latin he also taught pse or whatever it was called then, and once when trying to explain to us about how a platonic relationship might develop into a sexual one, used the desk as his example 'partner'. "see, at the moment the desk and i are just going out, but one day we might decide to take it a step further and have sex" and then proceeded to hump the desk in front of a class of thirty-odd twelve year olds. oh, and he used to let use bring sweets into class once a month and just sit around and talk. but as soon as the headmaster walked down the patch towards the building we had to shout "sum es est, sumus estis sunt" at the top of our voices to make it look like we were learning something. the fact that we kept chanting exactly the same thing for three years didn't seem to bother the headmaster.
(Wed 9th Nov 2005, 23:50, More)

» Hidden Treasure

as one of my summer jobs as a teenager i worked for a cleaning company in the nearby town. one of the jobs i was asked to do was to clear out the house that belonged to a recently deceased old lady who lived just up the road from my house. in itself, this was a good thing as i didn't have to fanny about with arranging a lift into town and could even have a bit of a lie-in.

anyway, we'd pretty much cleared the whole house out and scrubbed the years' worth of built-up filth she'd managed to accumulate when i noticed a little room tucked away upstairs that i'd missed. inside was a big old trunk which turned out to be full of classical shellac 78s in collectors' binders from the ear. as a spotty youth without a turntable i decided to sell them and got thirty quid from a guy who answered my diamond free ad.

having since become a vinyl nut, i'm kicking myself. still, thirty quid at that age was a decent amount of cash. fingers crossed that i'll discover a similar stash again now that i've learned enough to appreciate it.

your mum seemed quite happy with my length last night.
(Sun 3rd Jul 2005, 23:36, More)