» Pure Ignorance

The magnificent Orangutan
I went along to Chester Zoo recently with the family. Always a pleasant experience, personally I like the Giraffes.

Anyway, we were wandering through the Orangutans enclosure, enjoying the spectacle of a large male doing a little nasal appraisal to pass the time.

Up comes your typical scouse chav family, parents smoking happily away while pushing the pram, noisy kids...you get the picture.

One of the future teenage pregnancy candidates pipes up to her dad....

GIRL: "wot's da?"

DAD: "it's an oorang ootan innit"

GIRL: "duz it dew ennytin?"

ME:(internal dialogue) "does it fuckin do anything?!?!? That is one of the worlds most endangered creatures, which although it might look like a week old wrinkly, hairy balloon could quite happily twist your head off with one foot. If it could be arsed .....but he seems to have decided that picking debris out of his bumhole is more fun."

I give you Homo-Sapiens, self proclaimed pinnacle of evolution...OMFG.
(Mon 10th Jan 2005, 13:17, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

seafood.....what a joke
There are quite a few foods i cannot stand, top of the list....

Seafood.....eeeewwww....shudder.....retch...retch...retch

Shellfish, why oh why would you want to eat shellfish? They eat shit, literally, see Finding Nemo..the crabs on the sewage outlet. Yuk.

Oysters, mussels and all the other stuff baffle me once again...shit-eaters. More than anything it's the texture...slimy, rubbery. Nasty in every way and if not cooked properly can kill you...nuff said

Fish - the smell of it makes me puke; really. I will change my route to avoid walking past a fishmongers, if this is not possible I will hold my breath for at least 30 seconds, not easy when you are panicking and walking fast I tell you. The smell of it cooking? ohmygod, it is making me feel ill right now.

There is a reason for this hatred, my dad used to have a lobster business...catching them. In order to attract the shit-eating bastards into the lobster pot you put rotting fish in there as bait. During my hols I was co-opted to assist in said enterprise...this meant putting the rotting fish in the pots and many other nasty jobs.

On the way out to the lobster pots we would drop a driftnet to catch any unfortunate fishies going by which we would pick up on the way back to port. We never caught any porpoises or dolphins don't worry. Once these poor unfortunate fishies had been dragged in It was my job to gut them. The smell of fish guts is indescribable, i had to wear a mask to stop the inevitable wretching. Getting the smell off your hands is almost impossible as well.

I think those experiences explain my hatred; never fear my Dad works for me now and I occasionally wreak unholy revenge on him for the mental torture I endured on that boat.

I am not apologising for the length, ban fishing....now...all of you stop eating fish....now...if you like fish, try gutting one that'll cure you.
(Wed 14th Jul 2004, 14:25, More)