b3ta.com user Naive Amoeba
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Hello. Most of these images- and the few that I was lucky to have as FPs (which were very important to me as a teenager!)- are probably dead now, as the sites (and the servers) associated with them are long gone.

I was once in Maxim after having a game featured in the B3TA newsletter. Now, it's all very bleak, rather like this, and I tend to just sit in the back of darkly lit pubs shouting abuse at people whilst glugging ale down my front and weeping bitterly.

(2024 update: I seem to update my profile every time I get a hit of b3ta nostalgia and the last update was remarkably cringeworthy even by my standards)

Recent front page messages:

Sorry for bandwagoning

Been done?

Yay for the fp! Thanks
(Tue 29th Mar 2005, 13:51, More)

One please. Return? Errm... No thanks.

Wahoo! Thanks guys =)
(Thu 21st Oct 2004, 20:14, More)

Ooh! An FP! Horay! =)
(Mon 11th Oct 2004, 20:18, More)


I apologise whole-heartedly for this.

My site

Thankyou for the FP =)
(Fri 24th Sep 2004, 23:36, More)

My sister has been trying to train our kitty, and she wanted me to film it (yes i know, odd odd odd girl)

So i just put.. it... in.... a..... nice.... loop...... *dies*

(Also trying to test whether i can convert from AVI to gif, and i can (except i HATE optimisation))

Fuck! An FP! Came back after a 17 hour sleep to find this! Ta!
(Wed 18th Aug 2004, 20:24, More)


I'm going to maybe make some tshirts, with help from Lo, the greebo warrior, so thanks to him. If anyone would like this on a tshirt, please email me, 4rthur me or just say so in a reply now. The other alternative is this one, if you'd like that then just comment in the same way!

Thanks! =)
(Thu 17th Jun 2004, 20:58, More)

Poor little Jeremy.. gets upset about the smallest of things..

Yay! Just came online and found a second FP! I am much delighted! Ta!
(Tue 4th May 2004, 21:47, More)

Just playing with pixelart
Made a nice blossoming spring tree... aww

Thanks for the FP! Don't know why, but thanks anyway Mr Donkey!
(Sat 1st May 2004, 18:08, More)

Best answers to questions:

» My computer gave away my secrets

Apologies to my 12-year-old nephew
On google autocomplete whilst on his computer:

billy and mandy rude pics
coming out poo
doing a poo
gay boy
gay men
gay peoplehaving sex
grim & evile rude pics
haveing sex
haveing a poo
homer sex
homer sexy
lesbian and gay
maggie sexy
maggie simpson
maggie simpson bum
maggie simpson bum showing
maggie simpson naked
maggie simpson sexy
maggie simpson with bum out
marge sexy
naked men
naked women
nakid wimen
new poop
pole dancer
pole dancer porn
pole sex
poo coming out
poo poo
sex sceen
sexy men
sexy thing
simpsons sex
simpsons lisa porn
simpsons naked
simpsons rude pics
simpsons totally naked
take your clothes off to have sex
undressed wimen
wet tshirt
wimen no clothes

Not sure which I'm more disturbed about: the odd search terms or the awful grammar.
(Fri 10th Feb 2006, 14:09, More)

» Airport Stories

"And now, for your in-flight enjoyment, the blockbuster film Final Destination! Thankyou for flying with Ryan Air"
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 13:20, More)

» DIY fashion

I went to a "masked ball" fancy dress party once;
It was basically so that the girls could wear little masquarade-style feathery mask things and try to look classy. The blokes didn't see it the same way. I recall one mate going as an otter and another going as bin laden.

...and mine?

I printed and backed a FUCKING HUGE photo of Cliff Richard's big, gay, christian face, cut out the eyes, added string and wore it with pride.

I swear, it was the fucking scariest thing you will ever see. Because his face was slightly smaller than my own, the eyes were closer together than mine, and thus I had to tilt my head to the side slightly to be able to see through. The result? Even fucking scarier.

Later on, whilst enjoying a special cigarette outside with Michelangelo's David and an otter, I ended up dropping the mask on the wet grass, which caused the glue to show through the paper, and made our cliff look like he was covered in the jism of a thousand gays.

Result: Fucking terrifying.
(Thu 24th Aug 2006, 15:19, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

I was a little child, maybe 5, on a ferry to France.
"OMG", thought my tiny, sugar-addled mind, "ITZ TOM N JERRY!1!11!1". I was not wrong; there stood a giant Tom and giant Jerry: my two favourite cartoon characters, their crazy adventures bringing joy to me in ways that nothing else can.

"I WANNA HUG", I prepubescently growled, running up to the massive, brown mouse. A look of sheer glee stretched across my ugly little face as I wrapped my snotty fingers into his coarse, sexual fur. "JERRY", I honked, "WHY HAVE YOU GOT SUCH HAIRY ARMS?".

"You silly little cunt", he replied, "I am a mouse. Of course I have hairy arms."

"FINE, BUT WHY ARE YOU WEARING A WATCH?", I foghorned, stepping back.

"Because I'm a fucking 38 year old man who's only doing this job so I can pay for coke and whores after the holiday. I fucking hate kids. I fucking hate you. You are a disgusting, snotty little brat, and I would become a paedophile just to get my revenge on nasty little shits like you, but unfortunately I'm too repulsed to even consider rodgering you. Now get out of my sight before I stab you to death and dump your carcass in the sea."

So I went and hugged Tom instead. He was my favourite anyway.
(Thu 25th May 2006, 21:42, More)

» Ignoring Instructions

I was once told "don't put that up there"

I shouldn't have put it up there.
(Thu 4th May 2006, 13:31, More)
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