b3ta.com user Lambkin
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Pics wot I dun.

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What memes do when the picture has been taken.

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Little Elephants

And the movie...

I spent ages getting Dracula's reflection right on the top of the machine, before realising not only do vampires not have reflections, but their inability to reflect (or indeed X-Ray) was the whole joke behind this picture!

Recent front page messages:

Oooh 'eck!
Algernon was beginning to wish he hadn't bought the stilts now.

edit - Oooh my first Frontpage! Thanks Magic Donkey!
(Tue 22nd Jul 2003, 14:18, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Scary Neighbours

You lot might as well shut up now.
Across the road from me is a dodgy decrepit pub full of old Irishmen drinking their pensions from dawn till dusk, who by and large are a nice bunch, and fat shaven east end thugs, who aren't.

My next-door neighbours are a seedy lapdancing club, initial attraction of seeing the very beautiful dancers arriving and leaving more than outweighed by gangs of pissed up City suits out for a night on the tits and puking up, falling asleep, or both, in our doorway.

Next door to that is a heroin addicts needle exchange.This backs on to our car park, so naturally many people's bicycles, cars, scooters and motorbikes are stolen by the 'clients'.

Next door to that is a "wet house" which is a hostel for those sclerotic old alcoholics who "cannot or will not stop drinking" - so basically winos are being rewarded for living a self-destructive life entirely without responsibility or consideration with spacious central-London accommodation (a mere £20 a month is taken for this), free hot meals and a garden to play loud 70s music and have noisy fights in, free dental and medical care, sickness benefit, pensions and housing benefit, all of which they can keep and may spend on booze. So they do. Queueing up at 7:30 at the corner shop to stock up on their breakfast Ace cider, and carrying on all day. Apparently this is somehow preferable to letting them suffer the consequences of their life choices and die in the street or on a park bench, but I can't see how.

Oh, and the wholesaler that supplies the shops with all this nasty cheap booze is going to build a dirty great warehouse and lorry park opposite the flat. Thanks, council. What the fuck am I paying £1200 a year for again? I forget.

Welcome to fucking London. The rest of you don't know when you're well off.
(Fri 26th Aug 2005, 11:35, More)

» Where is the strangest place you have slept?

(Fri 29th Dec 2006, 15:58, More)

» School Sports Day

Yay I won this sports day! Can I have a cup?

We had Emlyn Hughes present our prizes once.
When it came to the questions one kid asked him "Did you do that to Bill Beaumont's ears?"

/shows age
(Thu 30th Mar 2006, 11:26, More)

» Posh

I am posh.
I used to be in the Spice Girls and then married David Beckham.
(Mon 19th Sep 2005, 22:21, More)

» Housemates

I once shared a house with a very strange and unstable person we shall call Pantony. We shall call him Pantony because my girlfriends pants used to disappear never to be seen again. But that's not really the half of it. He also nicked a copy of Playboy from me. I decided not to ask for it back.

We first noticed something was amiss when we were woken at 3 in the morning by the sound of him banging on the radiator at the side of his bed, in time to his full-volume rendition of the Human League's classic "Don't You Want Me Baby?" When I mentioned it the following morning he looked at me blankly and had no idea what I was talking about.

He would come in at night from the pub and prepare a full meal, raw, on the plate, then go to bed and never cook it. Sometimes twice in a night.

He had mild OCD which meant we had a very clean bathroom, but sadly he never did the dishes.
It was perhaps his habit of drinking heavily after taking pills designed to limit this which produced his finest hour. Hearing some noise from upstairs my girlfriend and I gingerly crept up the stairs, to hear Pantony in the bathroom, presumably having a bath, whilst shouting "die, nigger nigger die!" repeatedly.
(apologies for the N bomb, I quote verbatim)

Our landlords were crap and we all moved out, but we would occasionally bump into him around town. Oddly, every time we did he had fewer teeth.
(Sat 28th Feb 2009, 20:43, More)
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