b3ta.com user p0zitr0n
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» Lies that got out of control

A lie that got out of hand ...
I use an artificial left arm, and have had a lot of fun over the years answering the question 'how did you lose your arm?'

Never more so than in a pub in Putney many moons ago, chatting at the bar to a couple local hard nuts who looked like Phil and Grant in Eastenders.

Anyway, the question comes up, and, inspired I say something along the lines of ... "well, I'm a Chelsea fan innit, got it cut off with a machete at Fulham Broadway tube station a few years ago in a ruckus with Millwall ..."

Cue much back slapping and several pints bought, and the night becomes a blur.

Next day I'm in the pub again, and the barman goes 'You know who you were talking with last night, don't you?'

'No' says I.

'They were the Stevens brothers! Notorious small time South London crime family. If they ever find out you were taking the piss mate, they'll properly machete your other arm off!'

So, I never drank in there again, and now only use the old crocodile wrestling story ...
(Fri 13th Aug 2010, 13:35, More)

» Job Interviews

The Thing
Interviewed a guy for a place on one of the training courses we run last year. A great candidate, who had previously worked with the British Antarctic Survey as an engineer at one of their polar bases, stuck there at the bottom of the world in perpetual darkness and raging blizzards for 3 months at time.

I couldn't resist asking him in the interview wether they watched videos and DVD's to while away their non-work time, and following up with asking him wether they had watched John Carpenter's 'The Thing'.

It turns out they had.

I offered him a place on the course because of that.
(Thu 20th Jan 2005, 14:30, More)

» Teenage Parties

A proper teenage party ...
My bestever party was at my pal Gina's house c1998.

All the gang hooked up for a special prayer meet to welcome Iain who was new to 6th form. We started about 6PM with a nice chilli that Gina's Mum had cooked before she and Gina's Dad went out bowling.

There were only the eight of us, anyway, after tea and a few soft drinks and done the washing up, we cracked into the meat of the evening which was a few rounds of prayers. We decided to push the boat out a bit and do it 'Quaker style' which means you all go round and say a prayer for the group or whatever in turn, which if you've never done it before, feels quite hardcore and out there.

Anyway, Iain, bless him, goes and asks the Lord (in front of all of us, right) to bless Gina for inviting him to our party and because he knows that's something special, wishes that they'll develop their friendship into something 'more'.

They ended up getting married in 2002!
(Thu 20th Apr 2006, 1:12, More)

» Childhood Ambitions

I wanted to be a journalist.

This first post is the pinnacle of my writing career.
(Thu 29th Mar 2007, 12:05, More)

» Food sabotage

Friend of a friend worked in a bakery supplying supermarkets, injecting doughnuts with jam from a big comedy syringe.

When bored, they'd inject the occaisional doughnut with mustard instead.
(Wed 24th Sep 2008, 12:57, More)
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