b3ta.com user Project BBQ
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» Pure Ignorance

Sitting there one day with my girlfriends sister waiting for my girl to get ready, News was on the telly, there was an investigation being done in to a murder in London.

My girlfriends sister pipes up "why do they get scotland yard involved in all these cases, why do they get people from scotland to get involved in something in London?"

I would have let her off with that comment had she not been 17 at the time........
(Thu 13th Jan 2005, 13:22, More)

» Lost...

Don't tend to lose much but .....
a few years ago my mate Tim lost his virginity by doing some bird up the arse.

(Mon 6th Dec 2004, 11:08, More)

» Going Too Far

the wedgy
I gave my mate the wedgy from hell, he cried, he had to go home, he couldn't sit down and his bum bled.

My brother gave me a wedgy once, he pulled so hard it ripped my undies off, to make matters worse he then poured my pint over me, I spent the rest of the night commando, wet and planning my sweet revenge....to this day I still haven't got my sweet desserts.
(Wed 15th Nov 2006, 12:35, More)

» Premonitions

Beating the Dejavous out of you
When you have a Dejavous you get to a point where you start to know what is going to happen next, so overwhelmed by the weirdness of what is happening you see if it is going to happen and when it does your like wow I just had a Dejavous.

Some Dejavous are longer than others and more prominent and you can see what is going to happen more clearly than other times, sometimes what you think is going to happen doesn’t happen.

I had a Dejavous once in secondary school, it was the weirdest thing ever, I was with my lunch buddies as normal, a Dejavous started to happen, for some reason I said “a womans going to walk round that corner in a red skirt and slip over” it happened, she walked round the corner and fell over. I was branded a freak for the rest of my time in that form and it often comes up in pub conversations.

I just can’t believe I beat a Dejavous, since then it hasn’t happened again.

Does anyone know of anywhere where they study Dejavous, I believe it to be a kind of sixth sensory thing we have that we cannot yet harness to our benefit.
(Wed 24th Nov 2004, 14:57, More)

» Dad Jokes

My Dad
Does the most stupid things....

This one has to be his favourite.

Do you want to me my man eating shark impression?

Mmmm This shark tastes really good!

Another annoying thing he does:

He has a thing where he calls any of my friends, my brothers friends and our girlfiends a random name.

My girlfriend is now called Gladys

My Brothers Girlfriend is called Mildred

MY mate mark is called Deaf dog (because I have two mates called mark, the second mate mark is called Deaf dog because that's a sound
a deaf dog makes "MARK! MARK!") It's not just that, he will say alright deaf dog Mark! Mark! hahahahaaa

My Brothers mate Jason is called Perry, because he is a bum just Perry out of Kevin and Perry and my brother 25 is just like Kevin.

The annoyance of watching a film/Documentary on an event that you were too young to see, and being told the history being the event.
e.g watching a Vietnam film: No no that's all wrong what really happened was this.......

Arrrghhhh! Will I turn out like this!?

I think someone should setup a website as a preventative measure for how not to be like your dad!


Trev (5% like his dad, and needing help!)
(Fri 12th Dec 2003, 13:22, More)
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