» Pure Ignorance

Stupid blonde...
I used to go out with an exceptionally stupid blonde girl. Her crowning moment was walking along the Thames on our way to a night out.

Her: (Sees a sign saying "Towpath") "So why's this called the towpath?"
Me: "Well, before the industrial revolution, barges were towed up and down the Thames by horses"
Her: "Horses? What, in the water?"

Cue visions of shire horses in armbands, me standing there stunned while she didn't realise what was wrong with what she said. We split up very, very soon after that.


I also convinced a friend that England were, and had been at war, with Kenya since 1964 over Marmite mining rights. Y'see, Kenya has the largest natural supply of Marmite, and stopped the British from allowing them to mine Marmite in their back yards in a bloody coup...

(Note to Americans and other aliens - Marmite is a browny-black yeast-based toast topping, peculiar to the UK and Australia. And it rocks bells. And Marmite mining is a euphemism for cocoa shunting).

Same friend once asked while watching WWF, and seeing Jerry "The King" Lawler, "Is he really a king?". We told him, yes, Jerry "The King" was King of America....
(Tue 11th Jan 2005, 8:49, More)

» Teenage Poetry

my poem...
as part of a school war poetry competition...

bombs away
bombs away
let the bombs fly free

blow up the houses
blow up the street
blow up hitler and his smelly feet
(Fri 12th Aug 2005, 17:25, More)

» Slang Survey

ohh it's pearl harbour out
means it's cold outside -

i.e. - 'there's a nip in the air'.
(Mon 2nd Feb 2004, 14:33, More)