b3ta.com user Barry Big Fist
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» I was drunk when I bought this

quite monged + persuasion from also monged friends + singing hamster + girlfriend + anniversary = bad idea
(Fri 10th Jun 2005, 0:10, More)

» The last thing that made me cry

I cried with laughter today
in Neighbours when summer turned round and punched some fat boy in the face because he cussed her mum... one of those "had to be there" sort of moments.
Sorry thats just really shit isnt it
(Thu 14th Apr 2005, 19:15, More)

» When animals attack...

again not me but...
my mate's grandma's cat was found half dead at the bottom of the garden. After rushing it to the vet (who was sadly too late to save it) granny was informed that the poor blighter had been raped by a fox. Apperently it wasn't the first feline assault on her road. Sad but strangely hilarious.
(Tue 7th Jun 2005, 22:17, More)

» School fights

mr stabby
Back in yr 5 primary school me n this guy got in a joke fight in the playground, when this other cunt of a guy called kieth (who was one of those pikies with the short and loud scary mums) thought he'd join in by kicking me in the shins.
Now that just wasnt on, so in the heat of the moment (forgetting that he was a bit of a mean irish bastard) I turned towards him and hooked him in the ear.
He falls on his ass and people start laughing.
So for about 7 seconds I'm the toughest guy in the whole world, I could see it now, one punch jimlad they'd call me... that is until he gets up and produces a pair of scissors from his pocket and walks towards me.
As I back away he speeds up until I brick it and run my ass round the playground, the mentalist meters behind me.
Had to do 10 laps before the fucking bell went.
But yeah, I didn't get stabbed, he got suspended and the scissors got back to the classroom safely.

whoop whoop
(Tue 14th Mar 2006, 1:27, More)

» It was a great holiday, but...

Art trip to Berlin
After 4 shite days of solid working, the teachers decide to take us out clubbing on the last night. So we go to a few pubs first where everyone gets pretty belted and then move on to some 80s night at a club. So I'm dancing like a twat whilst drinking way over my limit when suddenly without warning I throw up right in the middle of the dancefloor. I then fall over laughing hysterically and find a small hole under the stage which I climb under. Wake up at 5:00 in the morning in an almost deserted club under a stage in Berlin. Took me 2 hours to find my way back to the hotel (which was 5 minutes round the corner) wearing a sweaty Tshirt in the fucking cold looking like a right crack head. Shite, but quite interesting never the less.
(Fri 22nd Apr 2005, 12:54, More)
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