b3ta.com user Claws of Doom
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Isn't red wine just smashing?

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» Dad stories

My dad. He destroyed me, but he's the best dad in the world.
This one's a cathartic one for me. I won't fill the screen with text, but I'll post in the replies if you want to read it.
(Fri 26th Nov 2010, 19:19, More)

» Flirting

Not me, but my friend who lives in London
He's the legendary one of the bunch: not up his own arse, just confident in the disarmingly simple ways that some guys can be.

He was walking along in central london, minding his own business when he notices someone walking along the same pavement in the same direction - almost exactly in step with him.

He looks across, and notices her. She, at the turning of his head spots him.

He smiles. She smiles.

He asks, "Hey, no idea if you do, but if you fancy a drink, want a coffee?" (gesticulating to one of the many coffee bars up ahead of them).

She starts blushing, but answers "Darnit, I'm late for a meeting as it is. Thanks a lot for asking though - was a really nice offer" She strides on, beaming happy smiles back at him, and he tails off to have a coffee anyway.

And that is how my mate R asked Claudia Schiffer out for a drink.

Guys, seriously, keep it simple.
(Sat 20th Feb 2010, 19:24, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

Tried to demo a site with a client at their HQ.
I let them try it out on their computers after the initial presentation blurb thingy. Went for dinner and then went back and tried to get feedback. Got a load of info that sounded as if they hadn't looked at the site at all. Getting more and more suspicious as the day went along - they claiming to have seen bugs which had nothing to do with my site... turned out they were too embarassed to admit that their IT admin was on holiday, and all 3 of their team had forgotten their logins...
(Sun 28th Dec 2003, 22:58, More)

» Lies that got out of control

How not to blag entry to a nightclub
One of my best mates regaled us with a pearler from his early twenties. He was trying to get in to a night club with his brother. It was full: one in, one out.

They attempted a sob story: Given that they didn't look that similar, they tried the angle that one was a cousin of the other, over from Germany, and wanted to experience a proper night club in a big city in the UK.

The bouncer took one look at the "cousin", and said: "Speak German does he?". Straight as a flash came the answer.

"Ja, Sheperd's Pie!".
(Thu 12th Aug 2010, 22:33, More)

» Breakin' The Law

Do any of you remember the Queen coming to Aberystwyth?
She had to cancel an official opening of a building 'cause some students were protesting that the University were spending more on welcoming the Queen rather than keeping departments open (students eh?).

I was protesting. Shouting away, when I and a few friends (as students do) noticed tourists coming to sit in an adjacent piece of land, quite free from police interference. We saunter over, and sit down quietly. We had a furled banner with us. A few coppers notice us - and come bounding over.

"We need you to move back to the protesters."
"we're not protesting."
"What about that banner?"

At this point my friend left with the banner and went back to the protesters, leaving me there, sitting quietly - doing nothing.

"And you sir."
"Why? I'm not protesting."
"You're a protester Sir."
"I'm a tourist, come to see the queen."
"Are you going to move, sir?"
"I don't think you've given me a reason to."
"Right. I'm arresting you for breach of the peace."
(Thu 8th Jan 2004, 18:50, More)
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