b3ta.com user mikeisbrill
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Profile for mikeisbrill:
Profile Info:

Hello. My name is Mike and I am fucking great. I used to be really active round these parts, but nowadays I mainly pop up to spam various shit I've made.

Damp Sleeve Of Ham: Phone portraits of celebrities
I Swear, You're Famous: Swearing near the great and good
Mike Tries Poems: Rarely-updated poetry blog
My main blog: Bits and shits I've written
The Crafty Butchers: My meat-themed rock band
Twitter: me on it


Recent front page messages:

mayday protesters

give it time.
(Wed 1st May 2002, 12:00, More)


His secret is that he has a dextrous neck.
(Fri 15th Feb 2002, 9:13, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Puns

My mate came up to me
and said "You know what you should do? Be the third most popular Britpop band."
"What?" I replied, "I don't know what you mean,"
"Oh go on," he said, "Be the third most popular Britpop band. Girls'll like you if you do."
"What are you talking about?" I said.
"Come on" he urged, "Be it. Be the third most popular Britpop band."
"Look mate, I have no idea what you're talking about" I responded, getting a little tetchy.
"Oh go on, man," he said, almost pleading by now.
"No. Absolutely not." I said.
But he carried on trying to convince me. I kept saying no, and he kept trying. I kept saying No. He kept trying.
And eventually, I was Suede.
(Fri 6th Mar 2009, 11:47, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

What do you call a skateboarding former UN Secretary General?
Boutros Boutros Gnarly!
(Tue 8th May 2018, 10:14, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

What do you do if you see a zebra vomiting?
Look both ways to make sure traffic has stopped and then vomit at your leisure.
(Tue 8th May 2018, 9:59, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

What do you call an actor who badmouths and slags off those who follow the teachings of the lord Jesus?
Christian Slater.
(Tue 8th May 2018, 10:39, More)

» Irrational Fears

i hate closing the curtains
when it's dark outside, and i can see my reflection clearly in the glass. this is partly because i am very ugly, but also because of a fear of either seeing a movement reflected behind me or else someone outside my window. Somehow, thugh, I had no qualms about leaving the windows open.

i was shitscared of this for about fifteen years, despite living on the eleventh floor of a tower block for ten of them. i only got cured of it when i moved into my current house, where my ground-floor bedroom backs onto a pitch-black garden. I confronted my fear, baby. Aw yeah.
(Tue 27th Jan 2004, 14:38, More)
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